thoughts from a dark hole

deck

I was on the deck today,
And your song came on,
And everything disappeared around me.
All I could feel was your hand,
Gripping mine, as I swung you to that song;
All I could hear was your laugh,
The happiness and joy that seemed to ooze from you.

What if that happens when
I'm the only guard on duty?
And I slip into another time
And someone slips underwater.
While I'm stuck there,
What if someone is stuck under the surface?
When someone finally shakes me into reality,
Will I be able to sink them into reality, too?

I just want to know why,
But you won't say, and how can I
Possibly grow if you won't tell me where I messed up?
I just wanna know, please.

She said if you can drop me so easily,
Then maybe you were never It in the first place.
I barely know him, but his best friend
Abandoned him like you abandoned me.
And even though I know they're right,
I can't get over it,
Because I love you.
I love you and I never got to tell you.

My new pastime is sitting around sobbing,
And on better days, trying not to cry,
But failing miserably.
Because you can't ever really see what you love
Until you can't love it anymore;
I can't love you anymore.
Everything in me wants to hate you,
But even if I hate you, I will still love you.

I miss your little spelling errors,
Which irked me when I was mad at you;
I thought it was dumb, but I never said anything,
Because I didn't want to hurt you.
Were there things about me
That irked you when you were mad at me?
Did you think it was dumb, but didn't say anything,
Because you didn't wanna hurt me?

Just tell me the first thing
That I did wrong, that rubbed you the wrong way,
That screwed with your mind,
And I swear, I'll jump into time and space to take it away.

Who did you call at two in the morning?
Who held your hand while you screamed in fear?
Who did you say would be your maid of honor?
It was always me, and now it's her.
I promised forever,
And now they think I'm crying over a scrunchie.
You gave me my first one of those, remember?
Then she noticed my love, and bought me that one.
And now I've lost it, just like I've lost you.

Tomorrow is my birthday,
Do you remember that?
Tomorrow is my birthday,
Last year, you sat beside me and ate my cake.
Tomorrow is my birthday,
And I'm officially crying myself into my new year.
Tomorrow is my birthday,
But one day isn't going to take away the pain that echoes in the night.

I want you to come back,
And I want you to stay away.
They say blocking you will help me get over it,
So I did; I blocked and unfollowed everything.
And it hurts like hell
Because you and I were... tight.
But the moon shines in the day,
And the sun hides in the night.