thoughts from a dark hole

goodbye

I think I am going to die,

By my own hand,

Quickly and quietly,

And soon, known beforehand.

I am never enough for anyone,

I will never amount to anything,

I don't even know why I am here,

Because I seem to fail at everything.

My life is a movie

In which the heroine dies,

And everyone knows it's coming,

But no one tries.

Every morning I wake up

Full of dread

And I wish that I could sleep

Forever in my bed.

Gone from me forever is joy;

The boy I loved is dead.

He plagues my thoughts now

While I'm stuck inside my head.

I just wish someone cared,

Or someone paused to listen;

When I'm laying awake at night

And the sweat begins to glisten.

I think I am going to die,

By my own hand,

Quickly and quietly, 

And soon, known beforehand.

I only have two things to live for,

And I can't really have either of them.

Even if I did,

I'm not good enough to be wanted.

This isn't just a phase,

Or my period making me whack.

This is a problem I can't change

And I don't think I can come back.

I tried to write

And to explain,

But the truth is hidden

Under my fake name.

Mom, if you're listening,

This wasn't your fault.

Or, for that matter,

Any other adult's.

My mind is a chasm,

Too far to be bridged:

In the dark nights,

I fear I will seek revenge.

I think I am going to die,

By my own hand,

Quickly and quietly, 

And soon, known beforehand.

I cannot move without fear,

I cannot think without fear,

I cannot escape from the fear

And I really don't want to be here.

All my words mean nothing,

Because no one pays attention to them, anyway.

All my thoughts mean nothing,

Because when I speak, I am pushed away.

Up until now,

I have been able to say no,

To keep in my mind events

And places I'd like to go.

But now I am sorry,

For I fear no return,

And underneath this bridge,

My body will burn.