you were my first love
and i'll never forget you.
the way you looked at me
as if i could move moon and stars
and yet fear losing.
nights where we talked 'til morning
and the moms yelled at us:
you were playing your games
and i was just reading;
that's the way we always were:
the gamer and the bookworm.
but then i wanted to be me
and i felt like i had to be the me you knew,
if not, how could you be the you i knew?
it was always tense:
you could snap at any moment
and i'd cry myself to sleep,
i could snap at any moment
and you'd ghost me.
people say it's better now,
now that i can be the real me,
but sometimes i miss you.
like when you take your new girl out
to see a movie we talked about,
to see a movie we hyped up together.
i just wanted to be happy as me,
but you wanted me to be your little shadow
and i needed to be the sun.
i don't think i'll ever understand why i wanted you,
when everyone said it was wrong
and my heart screamed they were right.
i don't think you'll ever understand how much i trusted you,
until you took my heart and ripped it (finally),
you'd been cracking it for months.
now i am broken goods,
damaged beyond repair
and nothing that anyone could want.
i am broken goods,
and you have her,
the girl who hates me
(not that she ever knew me
like you did).
so here's my broken heart,
i am growing again,
a new heart,
regenerative,
and in this heart you will be no more;
in this new, wiser mind
i will block you again,
and hopefully i'll leave it that way,
because you know i always unblock you;
i never can really resist the pull.
but i hate you now
and you hate me
and maybe that's how it was all along
lying under my infatuation with you,
like you even know what that word means
(i'm sorry
i had to).
your sister was my best friend,
and her betrayal stings just as much as yours.
you are mine no more;
neither is she.
go be happy with your new girl
and your new friends,
the friends that i grew up with,
you alien.
go be happy,
you've taken all that was mine,
and i have nothing left to do
but regenerate.
i may have died
but i have respawned anew;
anew without you.
YOU ARE READING
thoughts from a dark hole
شِعرrandom poetry that i think of. poetry is my way of coping with my mind and learning about the world around me through the beauty of words. thank you for reading! TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE FIRST TWO POEMS - sexual and physical abuse, violence, CSA, de...
