Pages From My Journal

fifty shades of weirdity

The human mind.

Well, frankly, I think I just want to settle in there.

How the mind changes every day of the year, every hour, every minute, each second, with each passing thought. One thing loops into the other. It never stops working, thinking, studying, reading, imagining and learning. People are unique, not because each one has a differently patterned finger print, handwriting, face or mind. They just are.

I think its so amazing to learn just about everything about a person. Their likes and dislikes, the reasons that makes them want to live, constant fears they battle with every morning, what their thoughts on varied subjects are. Are they in love? Are they heartbroken? Do they dream enough? Are they too busy climbing the social and business ladder? Do they have adequate time to cook their favorite dinner? Have they read the latest book by this rising Scottish writer?

I often ask myself what attracts me to a person invariably? Over months and years, Ive realized what.

Its got to be the shine in their eyes. The shine radiating with life and passion to do something they love. Life is all about experiences and a tumultuous journey filled with ups and downs yes, but is it worth it if youre not giddy with excitement each moment??

Its got to be in their body, in their gait, in their pulse. Body language is the most interesting subject and according to me a visual treat when studied to the t. Whats their signature motion? Do they constantly click their legs and tap their foot? Can they possibly sit straight? Does a nervous person feel sick or nauseas? How do they make eye contact? How do they touch?

Its got to be in their smile Did you know that smiles can boost a persons immune system? Is that persons smile insanely contagious! Oh, is it heartwarming and lip-biting? Sometimes just a silent nod of agreement could be a hidden smile. You know, I feel that there arent too many real people in the world. I not implying that theyre fake, superficial, shallow or have a rod stuck up their backside. Maybe theyre sad. Perhaps they fear wrinkles. I love smiles... and hugs. Hugs boost endorphins. YAY! Happy hormones.

Its got to be in their mind. A mind thats just theirs. It can never be someone elses.

Bizarre really, how one can spend their entire life learning and studying another persons mind, yet they can never ever from a hypothesis about their next thought or draw a conclusion regarding their life choices. A lifetime is a very long time, but this, this is impossible.

When I was little girl, I used to sit on the parapet wall in my garden and gaze at the stars in wonder. When I grew older, I used to lie down on the road anywhere that provided me the best view of the night sky, to look at the stars. Today, I would still go out and lie down on the floor or sit on the parapet to watch the stars and dream.

Im still dreaming, still believing in myself. The world isnt perfect and life isnt easy. Its fruitless to imagine settling down in Seminyak in the very near future. Singing to myself by the beach at a beach club full of energy. But whos going to stop me?

I utterly respect people. All kinds of people.

There is more than meets the eye to every human out there.

And yes, I will know what more there is. But Ill never know why.