Pages From My Journal

11th May 2019

It's 5:00pm. There is light rainfall on the heavier side. My head aches. The rain seems to stop. My tongue is blistered and my throat feels as though I've been screaming for infinite number of hours.

It's just another sad, useless, painful and unworthy day. Life is exhausting, tiresome and pointless. I'm compelled to think that this long a life, this long a day, this long a second, is too damn large to utilise.

Because, you feel you will make use of it in a while, but in that while, waiting for the right time, you start losing hope. You lose a lot of things actually. Things that might never come back, people who might never return, memories that have faded. It's raining hard now.

People say life is short. Make use of it.

Well, the first bit is wrong to the fucking point of insanity. INSANI-FUCKING-TY. The second sentence however, depends on countless factors : money, parents, family, exposure, culture, education, interests...And like a ton of other things.

Hypothetically. If we know we less time in the world. As in consider true facts that make sense. If we really have fewer years to live in misery, and don't have  to wait for the "happier years" or whatever ass crap - then life can actually make some sense.

Promptly, the rain is ruthless on the kinder side. Like it's mad as hell 3/4th way, but 1/4th of it is merciful. And it isn't showing off..... okay maybe I've lost my mind.

Plants are so strong. They are not covering themselves from the rain. It thundered loudly. Goosebumps raise on my skin. When I look up to see the sky, with the aim of catching a flash of lightening, I realise the sky is still slightly lit, even though the fat and fluffy big grey clouds, cover the dusky sky unconditionally and perfectly. The lightening still isn't visible. Why?

I suppose it hardly matters. Everything sucks.

Plants are bare. Unafraid. Unleashed. Even the leaves and weak stems of tender plants are not affected by the now unforgiving rains. The thin grass blades stand right back up after the rain drops hit them. The paper thin bougainvillea bracts though drenched keep themselves from falling apart. They are strong.

I am afraid, humans are the weakest. They stand feeble and unsteady and worthless even against the leaves. Because we hide. We fear. We run.

You know the worst part about everything ? It's the fact that even though everything is disconcerting and shitty, it's just too fair and relevant. The rain is very calm. Only a few drops.

More than just a few things have a point. These things,,, do bring us tears of happiness and joy.. The rain is back. The mist is heavy. It's like a light storm in itself. Ohhhh I finally saw lightening and heard thunder.

Okay. So the plants look weaker than before. SsAaDd. The shoot is strong, but their heads are bent. They aren't praying, but seeking mercy nonetheless.

It sucks that life is so hard and everybody gives up eventually. I'm happy I don't give a shit about this sad ass, gloomy ass, pain in the ass place in which we live.. Life according to me ,right here, in this moment, sitting on the marble flooring along my garden, a huge cup of back tea and Ahoy cookies lying in a tray, my light blue slippers brown and muddy because of the wet soil. And a million and one drops of rain, everywhere. On my journal, on my hand, on my clothes, hair and on the cookies. At this moment it is - you (me) stuck in shit up to my neck with no help whatsoever. You lose hope and leave the portals of this universe, the second, the second, someone comes to pull you out, to save you.

Isn't it pointless then? Because you spent useful years of your life waiting and stuck in shit. Actually useless years in a useless situation.

That Is Life....

Get the picture ?

P.S. The rain is slowing down ? I don't really know. The sun is lifting. Or not hidden? There is light.

P.P.S. That ain't a fucking metaphor.

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Okay, well I hope you liked it. It's just RANDOM WRITING coz I was sad and stuff.

PLEASE VOTE <3

Tons of love