Pages From My Journal

Hi there 2022

We were in the backseat drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar.

Its odd... As a little girl I probably never hoped to grow up and smile into space, thinking about men and women I wished to write about. But that's what I've done more often than I dare to say out loud and I couldn't be happier.

Sat on the roof you and I

I fell in love twice. Okay let me elaborate. I fell in 'wink wink' love twice. Yes, it was good. The tears were the best part because it meant late night sobbing in front of my laptop that led to masterpieces of writing. Why would I effing complain?

Barefoot in the kitchen, sacred new beginnings that became my religion

'Their Chimeras' grew into a mighty naughty novel with 80,000 words and I gave birth to 'TOKYO.' And 'Finding Him and Me' is complete.

Oh Hannah, tell me something nice
Like flowers and blue skies

Ah, the haze... Chhavi you stupid bitch. It was a mistake. Now I know that closing my eyes and ignoring the obvious just to see how it goes isn't the best way. People don't love like that anymore. Maybe they never did and never will. Best to stick to book. Amen.

It really hurt me. But I'm better now. I've healed and the memories are fading. I'm glad the year is ending. Plus I can happily say that I can get my own back by being eloquent as fuck.

Its been so hard ever since you broke my heart.

October October,
A miracle experience, a miraculous hope

New people, new characters
New feelings, new unknowns

I'm free to be the greatest here tonight.
And oh yeah running through waves of love
But I, I got stamina
Don't give up, I wont give up

Learning new things about yourself is a process that shouldn't come with an expiry date. It's a kind of learning that changes you and makes you into person you're destined to become.

In another one of Pam Godwin's trailblazing novels, One is Promise, there is a dancer who doesn't look forward to her wedding, but the first dance she dances with her husband. And that really shook me because dance is a big part of my life and the way she choreographed that particular sequence to Beyoncé's XO, I don't know it chilled my fingers and warmed my heart. I envision my life like that first dance. I have no idea how it turns out to be because along the way there are ups and downs that could crush the end, but the dream is beautiful. The learning is a fucking turn on to my senses and I already know I'm going to love it.

But I'll never tell honey I'm not doing so well

I guess that covers amplified trust issues.

A moment of honesty... I STILL emotionally overshare after drinking wine. Mera kuch nahi ho sakta. Colossally doomed. 

Even its far away
Get me through another day

College has been a huge part of this year too. A grey blanket envelope me as the process that got me here fills my mind. The stress and pressure, the tears and late nights... The fighting... Hard work... I'm glad I didn't do anything half assed and it paid off and I can't believe it and well... I'm going home. Literally going back to the place, I was born in. That university... I know its real but nothing seems more untouchable and surreal to me in this moment.

Confessions

I run away from peopling. It's become really bad honestly. Yup that's it.

2022 things

Soooo I'm looking forward to Bridgerton.

Scared eekless about going to Stanford.

I hope my parents adopt a cat named boxers.

The This Man movie. Jesse fucking ward I will kneel before you all the time. Pinky Swear.

More 'wink wink' love for book plots. *Pretends to be ashamed.*

To be continued....

*****