Pages From My Journal

14th January - CRUSHES

Dear diary,

It happened.

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Crushes. The girl or boy you drool over, day dream about kissing, meeting, perhaps dating and spending the rest of your life with.

When you fall crazily and brainlessly and ardently in love with this boy in your dance class or girl in your tution, life becomes pretty. It becomes pink and flowery and exciting. And all you see is love, everywhere. Even the most non sensical things make sense and tallest hurdles seem conquerable. And most importantly, you're just happy from your heart.

The word "crush" gives away all it's truth and meaning pretty excellently. It crushes you after a point of time. A long time or short time. Because real life crushes have their own lives, and as much as we want to make our lives a part of theirs... Doesn't freaking happen :\.    (usually)

However, looking on the brighter perspective of this very special emotional connection, it fuels you with hope. And hope is an essential feeling for survival. Crushing is positive all this while. You do good things, work on your body and aspire to become the perfect, sexiest and most admirable version of yourself.

When you picture your life in the arms and warmth of him/her life kicks into the happy beat. Awwwwww cuteee :D

And then one dark day sets in, the crush is dating that dog or bitch. And then heartbreak drowns into that dark picture. You start loving your crush so much, that firstly you forget to love yourself. And apart from the fact that that's completely pathetic, it also sucks. It's as though, your life is now pointless.  But honey, take a step back and look at yourself. Is it truely pointless? The answer is no. But of course, like the sandblind stubborn humans we are, all we see is a big fat YES!

Babe, it's okay to let yourself go through that. Drown in the (truely made up) grief, cry through the nights, eat pizza and ice cream and behave like a possessed zombie. Because, it'll teach you how all of it was such intensely toxic bull crap. Yeah!

So that's how it'll work. Confetti and unicorns initially and, dark ages afterwards. But it's worth it. We get one freaking life for saying it out loud. We have to make the most of it by living every experience..... :)

And no. Thats not the end.

Not for me.....

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I've loved him for 5 years now. And it stopped for a few weeks over the years and resurfaced more powerfully again. Like  I say,
Loving Him was like the sun, a constant and unfathomable source of energy. It burned me and lit me up. It made me cry and laugh, shy away and angry. It became a part of me, even though I didn't see him once in 5 years. Had no contact.

And 3 days back.. we reconnected on social media.

Yesterday, I sent him a text asking if he remembered me.

He said,

"Of course Cinderella"

Because the last time we met, we performed a ballet sequence of Cinderella together on stage. He was Prince Charming.

5 years down and infinite to go,
I'll never stop loving you.

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You want to know my story? Read my other book,
Finding Him & Me now.

Love
Chhavi