wander

58|the start of the end

"Mom?" I feel my eyes tear up and everything freezes. I turn to look back at Romeo and his face searches mine. I don't know how to even react in the moment. My mouth is too dry to speak and too many things are rushing through my head. I feel Romeo lean over too his phone, notifying Rose I presume. My heart beat picks up as my Mom keeps urging closer.

"Who's the boy?" She asks, monotonously. I try to speak but I can't open my mouth. I hear stomping up the stairs and my Dad comes into view. He looks worried too. The front door bangs open and footsteps rumble up the stairs. Rose. She pushes past my parents and hugs me close. It feels a little comforting but not for long. 

"Leo what is a boy doing in our daughters room?" She shouts.
"Romeo's her boyfriend." My Dad states quietly yet loud enough for everyone in the room to hear.
"What!" My mother shouts.

I recoil back in fear until Romeo wraps his arms around my waist.
"It will be okay. It's all going to be fine." He tries to comfort me.
"What are you doing here?" I finally ask.

My Mom looks at everyone in the room and her eyes land back on mine.
"I think we should talk somewhere private. There's a lot of eyes on us." She folds her arms.
"No. Everyone is this room has been family to me. More than you ever have!" My voice has no sense of fear in it, all confidence.
"Fine. At least let's go down to speak more... professional?" She asks simply.

I sigh and lead the way. Everyone follows behind. I make my way to the dining room and take a seat on one of the chairs. I sit on the edge closest to the door. Romeo sits beside me and Rose next to Romeo. My Dad takes the head seat of the table and my Mom sits alone across from me. We sit in silence waiting for someone to talk. My mom finally opens her mouth again.

"You need to come home." She folds her arms again.
"No." I shake my head.
"You have to!" Raising her voice.
"She said no!" Romeo stands up, cowering over my mother.

"Romeo sit!" My Dad orders. He sighs and then takes his seat again next to me.
"Why do you want me home so bad, not like you ever cared." I shrug.
"You're my daughter and you don't even belong here. Leo doesn't even want you here and I can only assume your boyfriend uses you." Her face scrunches as she says boyfriend.

"Romeo, Rose and my Dad are the best things that ever happened to me. You wouldn't even know that though. You didn't bother to call when I left or anything. Shows how much you care about your daughter." I fight back.
"How would you know. You're so delusional!" She shakes her head in disbelief.

"I already said no. I'm not coming no matter what you say to me!" I shout.
"You're not even a legal citizen in this country. You know you can't stay here. You have to come back home." She shouts back.

My Dad stands up along with Romeo and Rose looks over at me with a sorrowed look. I exchange an uneasy glance at her and I can see how much she pains for me.
"Leo don't even get started. You left when she was young so you don't care either." She looks in disgust at my Dad.
"You are the one who forced me out the house. You can't deny it!" Both of my parents are shouting now and Romeo has sat back down trying to calm me down.

Tears stream down my face, my mascara running. I don't want to know what I look like; I can only assume the worst. Rose comes around to my other side and they are both saying comforting words but I block them out. I hear the echoes of my parents arguing and I slowly fade it out until I feel myself going back there. 

Flashback (Chiara age 4):

I sit at the top of the stairs waiting for she shouting to go away. I woke up from clanging downstairs and loud voices. I wondered if I should go down to check on my parents but I felt like I wasn't meant to hear what they were saying. Instead of bursting in the room, I tiptoed down the stairs and laid my ear against the door.

"Leo! You need to go!" I hear my Mom shout.
"I'm not leaving you and my baby! I love you. The both of you!" My Dad pleads.
"Go Leo! Or I will call the police." My mom threatens.
"What will you tell Chiara?" My dads voice is quiet, his sobs loud."
"I'll tell her something. Just go!" Mom's voice is quiet too. 

I rush back upstairs as I hear the footsteps receding towards me. I shut my bedroom door and hide my head in the blankets. Make it go away! Make everything go away! 

-----

Present day:

I feel myself pull from the past memory and the shouting has stopped but the voices are still loud.
"Chiara!" My mom looks into my eyes. I look into her eyes and she opens her mouth again.
"How did you get here?" She asks.

I look at each person in the room. Rose has tears in her eyes and her bottom lip trembles. Her fingers stroke down my arm and she rests her head close by. I look up to see my Dad. His eyes are focused on me. They're pleading me, hoping for the best. I look to my right. Romeo's eyes are holding back tears and his face scrunched as his stress level rises.

I look back to the floor knowing I can't take another look at my mother. I blinked and a tear trickled down the soft skin of my cheek. My body ached in fear. I was the happiest and my Mom had to ruin it. With her presence. With only her presence.

"Chiara Rose Leia Smithers I asked you a question!" Her loud voice makes my ears ring.

I gulped and took a singular breath. 

"I was wandering." 

Another tear fell but it wasn't a tear of pain. 

It was a tear of numbness.