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21

Four days. It had been four excruciatingly long days since Harper had been taken. We had gotten calls upon calls from her friends' parents and the school and decided to tell them she had run away. It seemed like the best thing to do since there's no telling what kind of trauma she was going through and that explanation sort of blanketed anything.
Sam and I still hadn't talked and I certainly wasn't going to be the one to start the conversation.
I was pretty sure he knew what happened now, especially after Jael's comment, but he kept his charade of not knowing up unless Dad was around to glare at.
Dad only brought bad news when he was around. He couldn't find her anywhere in heaven or on earth and I was beginning to lose it waiting for some kind of news. No matter how many hunters we called, no one had seen Jael or Harper and the stress of not knowing was eating me alive.
I was sitting at the kitchen table staring at my steaming cup of coffee completely lost in anxiety and self pity when Dean slammed a Denny's box down in front of me.
"Eat."
I shrugged and didn't look up at him, "Not hungry."
"I know the feeling. You're not full you feel guilty. Now eat before I tell Sammy about your little diet." Dean demanded as he took my coffee away and took a few sips as I gingerly opened the box.
Chicken fried steak. You wonderful human.
I took a few bites begrudgingly until I realized how hungry I was and devoured the rest of the box.
"There's Gingy." Dean announced with a sad smile as he examined my grimace in response.
He analyzed my face for a bit longer, frowning, "It isn't your fault." He reassured.
"Yeah it is.." I breathed, instantly on the verge of a break down,"I froze. When she was far enough away I could have lit Jael up like an atom bomb without hurting Harper but I was distracted-"
"We aren't machines okay? Everyone makes mistakes." Dean sighed as he dropped into the chair next to me.
"Not when it matters that much! I should have just said something dammit! I gave her leverage! It's completely my fault Dean!"
Dean leaned forward on the table and looked up at me, "Should have said something about what?"
Fuck it!
"Demon blood." I whined. I let my head fall back into my hands.
There was instantly a hand on my shoulder trying to pull me back up to look at Dean's worried expression, "Wait. You're not....?" he let the question hang as he cocked his eyebrow.
"No!" I exclaimed shaking my head vehemently, "No. Dad-"
"Fucking Gabriel." Dean growled, "He said he would stay out of it dammit."
"Did you tell him not to tell me?" I asked, to which Dean just nodded. "Why am I not supposed to know?!"
"Easy Gingy. Sam will hear and come running." Dean cautioned leaning towards me a little more, "Sam wanted to talk to you about it first. That's all I'm sayin."
"Dean I need to know things before-"
"You need to go talk to him." Dean interrupted.
"Oh you're one to talk!" I snapped getting extremely fed up with the whole topic.
"Yeah. I never talk about things and it always blows up in my face." He agreed.
"Well..."
Dean spun my chair to face him, "Why are you scared? Did you Lore-WebMD it or something?"
I nodded as I felt tears of frustration and sleep deprivation begin to build up.
"You're scared of talking to Sammy?" He asked with his face scrunching up in confusion.
"I just- there's so much to lose if things go south and we need to find Harper..." I answered after a pause, barely keeping my voice from cracking.
Dean's face softened and he pulled me into a hug, "I know Sam better than I know how to find free porn on the Internet." I let loose one of those ugly about to cry giggles into his shoulder. "You can't get rid of him if you try." He reassured me as he pulled away and held me at arms length looking me directly in the eyes, "Now if you don't get your ginger ass up and walk into the library and discuss this right now I will pick you up and throw you both in the dungeon until you talk it out. Capiche?"
I smiled and half assed a breathy laugh, "Capiche." I agreed as I stood from my chair and threw the box away.
"I mean it! You better go straight there!" Dean called as I disappeared out the kitchen door.
"Yes Dean." I answered with a dramatic sigh.
I debated just walking by the library and not talking about this but I knew Dean was serious and the part of me that wasn't terrified really wanted to talk this through.
I found Sam hunched over his laptop scrolling through news sites and alert message boards.
"Hey Samson?" I squeaked trying to sound normal but failing miserably.
Sam grunted in response, not quite dismissively but in a mere acknowledgement of my existence.
"Sam." I demanded his attention as I folded my arms and leaned against the doorway.
"Yeah Ehvs?" He asked still scrolling but at a slower pace now.
At least I've got half his attention.
"Can we... Can we talk? About uh... Stuff?" I asked, my tone completely contradicting my confident body language.
"If by stuff you mean what Gabriel told you then there's not much to say." He said as bluntly and void of emotion as was possible, still scrolling away.
"What do you think he told me?" I asked, my voice getting smaller and meeker every time I opened my mouth. The helplessness that I felt over Harper was beginning to seep through what little of me was left unscathed.
He stopped looking at his screen and gave me an expression I couldn't quite peg down, "Evelynn we need to find Harper. After she's safe we can discuss this but until then...." He trailed off and went back to scouring the news updates.
That could have gone a hell of a lot better.
"Oh.... Okay." I agreed in disappointment and confusion. I turned around to head back towards the kitchen only to come face to face with Dean.
"I was serious about the dungeon thing." He stated, looking down at me like a scolding parent, "Now go." He ordered, pointing towards Sam.
Dean is right. Go actually talk about this.
"You know what? No!" I called as I whipped around the corner into the library again, waltzing right up to Sam's spot at the table and closing his laptop.
Sam's hands immediately flew to the sides of his head in disbelief, "Evelynn what the hell?"
"We need to talk about this. Now." I insisted, sitting on the table next to his computer.
"What is there to tell?" Sam asked more in defense than an actual question, "I know he told you about the demon blood and I know you did research on it and I also know it took you a week to come ask me about it. What needs discussing here?"
"Sam-"
"We are getting MARRIED Evelynn. That usually involves a certain level of disclosure!" Sam reminded me.
I took a deep, calming breath and ran my hand through my hair as I tried to collect my thoughts.
"Who was your 'dealer'?" I asked going for the informational approach rather than getting straight to the relational issues.
"Ruby." Sam grunted.
"Oh my God you fucked a demon?!" I exclaimed, uncrossing my arms and gripping the edge of the table for support.
"So did you!" Sam retorted waving his hand at me flippantly.
I took a deep breath to keep myself from yelling about how knowing is different as the pent up emotions started to leak out in tears.
"Samuel! God damnit why didn't you just tell me before?!" I asked on the verge of a sob letting my shoulders droop and hands fall into my lap.
"Evelynn, I love you, but you have a habit of blowing things out of proportion especially when there's other things going on." Sam sighed rubbing his eyes in frustration.
"I do not!" I protested.
"Yeah, Ehvs you do. You're doing exactly what I thought you would." He argued.
I straightened up and gave him a condescending look, "No shit! You kept something from me!"
"BECAUSE ITS SHAMEFUL." He yelled sitting forward and spreading his arms in emphasis, effectively silencing me.
He paused a bit, looking at me like I had just stabbed at something much deeper than an insecurity, the expression being closer to guilt than fear of disapproval as he let his arms and eyes drop, "I lost it Ehvs... I believed a demon... did a demon... and then I broke the last seal. So excuse me for not wanting to talk about it. I didn't want you to look at me different..."
"I've gotten over the facts." I stated matter of factly, "...kind of. Wasn't Ruby like two feet tall? How did you even do that?" I asked trying to lighten the mood a bit.
"Evs..." Sam breathed in the type of warning tone you give someone when you're about to emotionally snap.
"Sorry. I'm just... upset, not mad, upset, that you didn't tell me." I said with a much gentler tone than I had taken in the rest of our conversation.
He just nodded and kept staring at the floor, slowly losing himself in thought.
"Was that over reacting?" I asked as I teasingly nudged him with my foot.
He tried to keep a straight face for a couple seconds before giving up and looking at me with his signature room illuminating smile, "Not entirely. There's room for improvement."
I opened my mouth to respond with something sassy when I was interrupted.
"Good! You're done!" Dean exclaimed clapping his hands and rubbing them together as he ducked around the door frame, "Guess who I just got off the phone with."