Memories

sick

As soon as I got home I ran to my room and jumped on the bed. I buried my head into the pillow. I just want this whole thing to be a dream.

"God kid, don't tell me you're sick."

"Don't get your knickers in a bunch, I'm not."

"Good, because I can't afford to have you home all day."

"Wow, thanks."

"Just come to dinner."

"Alright,"

We had dinner like normal that night, I didn't tell anyone about what I'd seen. I didn't know what to say, so how could I say anything. Instead we just sat in family happiness. Or silence. Whichever you think sounds better.

I didn't sleep at all that night. I couldn't help thinking that maybe it was my fault. I was the friend he needed to help. I'd had a problem with Ricky. We'd had a fight and I was pretty much hysteric for hours. If I hadn't called him he would've been able to get that money from wherever. But then, I stopped him from helping the bad guy. But then that also killed him. I kept seeing it over and over in my mind.

The next morning when my alarm went off. I got up quickly, having not ever fallen asleep. I got dressed and in a few minutes was out the door.

"Woah, slow down there. You're off to school fast."

"Yeah, that's because I actually care about my education. Unlike you did."

"Hey there, I was stopping you because it's pretty early. You set your alarm super early so that you have at least an hour to get ready. It's only 5:45. You woke me up."

"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to. I just have a lot on my mind."

"You want to talk?"

"Seriously, you're willing to talk with me? You never do that."

"Well, you woke me up, so I'm free for a while. I guess I am willing to talk. So, spill it. Whad'ya got?"

"Umm...I can't tell you."

"Really, after I said that inspirational speech about how I'm there for you. You decide not to talk anyway. Thanks a lot, kid."

"Well, I'm sorry it's just kinda personal. And you wouldn't believe me when I told you."

Besides, that was not a very inspirational speech. We all know that. It wasn't even a speech really. More of just a 'I'm available.' But if that's what floats his boat.

"I would."

"No you wouldn't. You never pay any attention to what I care about. You didn't even want me. I remember when you went to court just to try to get rid of me. But I got stuck with you anyway. And you never cared one bit about my life. Sometimes I feel like you pretend that I didn't come to live with you, even though I did."

He just stared at me straight for a few minutes. I was scared that he might get mad. I had held all of this in for two years now, what did he expect me to say?

To my surprise, he began to cry.

"I'm, so, sorry. I didn't know you felt that way. I've had a hard time adjusting to having a baby, and it was even harder for me to get used to having my late-girlfriend's daughter. Especially since I didn't know anything about you. And sometimes it's even harder just knowing what to do. You're a teenager, and you're so different from me. I don't know what to do sometimes. I never meant to make it feel like you weren't wanted. Can you forgive me?"

He looked at me with the saddest eyes. I was so confused. How had I never seen this? He'd treated me like I was the built-in-babysitter-kid-that-is-just-there-and-he-doesn't-care. But then again, I'd treated him terribly too.

"Well, we've both been bad to each other. From now on, talk things out?"

"Yeah. You're mother left us in charge of Joey. We need to get along and be good role models for her."

"Yeah, you do need to be good rolodles. And, I got down the stairs on my own."

"Yeah!"

"Good job!"

That was the best family moment ever. For just a second I felt like we were a regular family, like nothing had happened. Like everything in the world was great. Sadly, just at that moment I remembered what the conversation had started about. But I still couldn't tell Ricky. It wasn't right. And I remembered that I still had school.

"What time is it?"

"Oh, umm... It looks like it's, wow, it's almost seven. You gotta get to school."

"Right, let me get my skates on."

"Have a fun day!"

"I will, not." I muttered under my breath

I skated quickly to school, not knowing what it would be like. Miles never missed a day of school. He just never got sick. This would be interesting. At least it wasn't the first day of middle school or high school though. Just the first day after spring break. And the first day after one of the worst days of my life.