'Til The End

The Reality - Part One

Sirius was almost bouncing off the walls in excitement, constantly asking Remus what the house looked like, and if his 'special visitor' would like it. 

'Yes, love, the house looks great, same as it did five minutes ago. Harry is not a special visitor. Merlin's beard Sirius, anyone would think you were about to meet the Minister.' Remus chuckled, setting his tea mug on the counter. 

'No,' Sirius paused to wrinkle his nose, 'I wouldn't put in this much effort for the Minister, Moony.' Sirius kissed Remus on the tip of his nose just as the doorbell rang. 'He's here!' Sirius sped off to the doorway, Remus sighing and following him. 'Harry!' Sirius screeched, hugging the teenager tightly. 'Hi Molly.' Sirius nodded his head at the older woman, who was brushing something off of Harry's jacket. 

'Thanks, Mrs Weasley, see you soon.' Harry had been staring past Sirius into the house, but he now turned his back on it to face Molly Weasley. 

'You too, dear, don't forget if you need anything just come straight over.' Molly said, before turning and disappearing with a *pop*. Sirius looked in awe at Harry for a moment before stepping aside and pulling him through the front door. 

'Hi Prof- I mean Remus. Ron, Fred and George say hi, Percy's being a stuck up Git again.' Harry said, hugging Remus briefly. 'This place is cool, what's with the ceiling?' Harry pointed upwards to a ceiling that Sirius had painted a wolf and dog onto earlier but failed miserably. 

'Oh... that.' Sirius said bashfully. 'I tried to paint a wolf and a dog. Anyway, come on, I'll take you to your room.' Sirius levitated Harry's trunk up the stairs and into the second bedroom, that Sirius had decorated specifically for Harry. He'd spent hours painting the walls light blue, then tracing out a dog, a wolf and a stag on the wall and convinced Remus to paint them. Sirius discovered he could put up shelves without magic and he even bought a muggle music player for Harry to listen to music. Sirius watched Harry's jaw fall open as he stepped through the door, and Sirius sighed with relief. 'I'll leave you to get sorted then?' Sirius checks, then moves for the door when Harry nods, his mouth still hanging open. 

Sirius practically ran down the stairs, chanting 'Moony' over and over again. He entered the kitchen with a broad smile on his face and Remus looked up. 'He likes it?' Remus asks, and Sirius just stares at him, meeting his eyes. 'I'll take that as a yes.' Sirius started up his chant again, causing Remus to cover his ears and beg for it to stop. 

'My ears!' He yelped dramatically, 'they're going to fall off.' Sirius punched his arm lightly, but stopped singing. He kissed Remus, hard, then they both broke away nervously as they heard footsteps thumping down the stairs.

'I- I think... I love my room so much. Thanks.' Sirius merely stared at Harry with one eye, the other silently conversing with Remus. 

'It's no problem... actually we kind of wanted to talk to you.' Sirius gulped. 

'Sirius, it's not a big deal.' Remus rolled his eyes and put his arm round Sirius' shoulders. Sirius tried to ignore Remus and stared straight at Harry, and saw his eyes widen in shock before he doubled over laughing. 

'I owe Hermione four galleons.' He laughed, punching Sirius' arm. 'You're a bit dramatic, aren't you.' Harry said, glancing up at him. Sirius hadn't realised he'd been holding his breath, and he relaxed before letting out a laugh too. 

'I s'pose. Come on kiddo, we wanna hear everything we already hadn't about last year.' Sirius, Remus and Harry raided the fridge before settling on the sofa, Sirius snuggled under Remus' arm and opposite Harry. Harry had started talking and hadn't stopped. Until now.

'And he just k- killed him.' Harry's voice cracked slightly. 'I had to take his body back to hi-' Then he broke of completely, the tears that had been welling in his eyes finally slipping down his cheeks. Sirius sat up, knowing the pain Harry felt, and moved over to him. 

'It'll be ok.' Sirius said helplessly, hugging his Godson. The few times Sirius had met Harry, he'd been well composed and when he cried he'd shrugged it off, this time was different. Harry completely collapsed in Sirius' arms, shaking, crying and hyperventilating. The hurt this caused Sirius was indescribable, and he shared a look with Remus. 'We want you to know, in this house,  we want you to talk about what you need to talk about, leave out the bits you don't and express your feelings.' Sirius said, just loud enough for Harry to hear him. Sirius was used to panic attacks, he had them often enough and Remus had a few sometimes too. Sirius stroked Harry's hair and shushed him soothingly until he stopped shaking. 

'I'm sorry I-' Harry started, but Sirius held up a hand to stop him. 

'I'm glad that happened.' Sirius smiled warmly, slapping Harry's back gently. 'You've been through a lot, eh.' Sirius knew Harry probably had this muggle thing called PTSD, but didn't want to scare him. 'You had a panic attack before?' He asked, raising an eyebrow at Harry. 

'One.' He muttered, 'the day afterwards. You?'

'Quite a few. One the day before your Mum and Dad got married, terrified Death Eaters were going to crash the wedding. One when Dorcas... and Marlene... One when Lily and James went into hiding, a few after they passed. More over the years, about Remus' furry little problem, Remus in general, nightmares about the first war, you...' Sirius ducked his head, but he could still feel Harry's eyes on him. 'I'm not the same person I used to be.' 

'Right.' Harry said. 'I'm going for some fresh air.' Sirius made to follow him, but Remus put an arm on his torso to stop him. 

'Remus! I-' Sirius started.

'Let me go.' He said sternly, and as soon as the patio door was closed Sirius crept along the passage to listen. 

'Sirius... is he ok?' Harry asked. 

'His depression and PTSD get bad sometimes, especially on days like this. Having you move in here is a huge change, and after everything that's happened Sirius isn't good with change. I assume you know what depression is, but have you ever heard of PTSD?'

'Yeah, Hermione thinks I might have it.' 

'I wouldn't be surprised.' Remus continued. 'I don't know what made him act funny just now, but certain things can trigger attacks, such as clanking of chains, screaming and the cold.' Sirius hadn't even realised he'd been acting weird... 

'I can't believe you guys have had to go through all that. You lost your Ron and Hermione.' 

'That's a Luna thing to say.' Sirius heard Remus give a light chuckle. 'But, in a way, I suppose we did.' 

Sirius sauntered outside, ignoring Remus' hard glare and huddling into the chair next to Harry. "It's freezing! Moooooony... Can we have hot chocolate?" Remus rolled his eyes, but got up anyway, making for the kitchen. 

"What Remus said," Sirius said to Harry, "he was right. I'm maybe not so good with change, but, for me, this is good. You moving in is a good change, and I'm coping better." Harry didn't respond, just nodded in understanding. 

"MARSHMELLOWS?" Remus yelled, and Sirius laughed under his breath, walking inside and cuffing Harry on the head on the way in. 

"I'll take that as a yes. C'mon, it's late, we can take them to bed." Harry must have been listening, for he came wandering inside, his hands inside his sleeves. 

"Take your hot chocolate to bed, kiddo, it's been a big day." Harry nodded and turned to leave with his hot chocolate, but Sirius pulled him into a hug. "You're a good kid." 

"Come on, Sirius, let's go." Remus had to practically drag Sirius up the stairs, but he jumped into bed, waiting for Remus to stop faffing. When Remus climbed in beside him, Sirius lay his head on Remus' chest and closed his eyes, arms round his love. 

"You did so well today, baby, I'm so proud of you," Remus whispered, kissing Sirius' hairline. 

"Love you."