'Til The End

Halloween: Part One

Sirius turned his face into Remus' jumper as he started to cry, tears flowing down his cheeks with every beat of his heart. 'Sirius,' Remus said softly, 'we have to go to work.' Sirius just whimpered and hugged Remus harder. 'Sir- ok.' Sirius felt Remus' tears drip onto his head and felt his arms wrap around him tighter. Sirius felt the same pain every year, the same gut-wrenching agony when he knew it was his fault. He should've never let that rat takeover, but he did, and a few days later Lily and James were dead. Every day was hard, every day that Sirius had to wake up and live his life without his best friends was hard, it was so agonizingly difficult that Sirius wanted to quit. Then he remembered Remus. Remus' smile, Remus' laugh, Remus' happiness, and realised if he quit he'd never see any of that again. Then he thought back to Remus' tears, Remus' pain, Remus' scars, and realised he had put Remus through all that. Sirius had no reason to live until Remus squeezed him, reminding him that whatever happened he would always be loved. 'Fourteen - years.' Sirius choked, 'fourteen - years - since - we - last - saw - them.' Remus didn't seem able to respond, so Sirius just lay sobbing in his arms. They would eventually have to go to work, but Sirius knew he wouldn't be able to do shit today. 

So, three hours late, Sirius and Remus departed in the entrance all after a long hug, not really caring for the students that were whispering around them. ' 'Lo.' Sirius said to Minerva, dropping his back on the floor. The old woman looked up in surprise. She gazed at him for a moment, then stood up. 'Sorry I'm late.' Sirius said, perching on his desk as nonchalantly as he could. He was still crying, but didn't really care. 'Sirius, I refuse to let you teach here today. You need to go find Remus. Now.' Sirius didn't fight the point much, just dragged his shaking body to Remus' office. 

'Moony!' Sirius gasped, seeing Remus sunken to the floor, shaking. Without a second thought he ran over to Remus and crouched beside him, clutching Remus' hands and desperately trying to stop his own tears enough to help Remus. 'Breathe, Moony, shh, shh. In, and out, in, and out, in, and out.' Sirius repeated over and over again. 'You're doing great, you're doing so good.' Sirius mustered a smile up through his tears, and continued to encourage Remus until Sirius was sure he was calm. 'Moony.' Sirius said. Remus' shaking had stopped, and he opened his arms. Sirius crawled onto Remus' lap, and wrapped his arms around Remus. As Sirius leaned his head against Remus' chest, he felt it start to shake. Remus' tears dripped down Sirius' neck, and Sirius' down Remus' chest. There was no combination of words that could describe the pain, so Sirius didn't try to find it. Neither men said a word for hours, just sat on Remus' office floor until the bell rang for dinner. 

Sirius knew McGonagall wouldn't really care if they didn't show, but it was better if they did. As much as Sirius wanted to hide in their room until the end of time, he knew he should eat. So, using Remus as emotional support, Sirius and Remus went to dinner. 

Sirius stirred his soup listlessly, side-eyeing Remus as he poked a roll. He could feel many worried students eyes on him. A hufflepuff girl he taught had asked him if he was ok, and Hermione had come and shamelessly hugged the pair of them. Ron and Ginny came over, checking he and Remus were ok, but Harry stayed seated, unblinking. Tears still occasionally ran down Sirius' cheeks, and he would feel Remus squeeze his hand under the table. Towards the end of dinner, Remus stood up to start his speech. 'Hey, don't worry, I'll do it.' Minerva said briskly, then walked up to the owl stand. Sirius thought she was in more pain than she was letting on.

'If I may have your attention.' Minerva called, and silence fell over the hall. 'Happy Halloween, Ladies and Gentlemen. Though for some of you maybe not so happy.' She glanced pointedly at the Gryffindor table where Hermione and Ron were shielding Harry from prying eyes. 'I hope most of you enjoyed our wonderful feast, but Professor Lupin has asked me to make you aware of some of the changes happening in the school. Professor Black will now be teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts, as Professor Umbridge has left the school. A muggle postal system has been installed for any of you that with to write home and are not able to use an owl. The next extra-curricular Defence lesson, run by Potter, is Thursday, and all of those who normally attend are expected. The Inquisitorial Squad no longer has permission to take away any house points, or hand out detentions, or anything other than a regular student. Professor Lupin and Professor Black are introducing a new rule. Any discrimination towards anyone, will be an owl home, a significant amount of house points lost and a weeks worth of detention. Have I made myself clear? Excellent.' Minerva sat herself down again, and the hall's noise slowly rose. 'You two may leave if you wish.' She said, leaning towards Sirius slightly. Sirius jumped up and grabbed Remus' hand without a second thought. They left the hall with their heads held high, not turning when they heard several pairs of footsteps behind them. 

Sirius turned when they got to their bedroom door, and waited for Harry and whoever else he had with him to catch up. Remus went inside, and Sirius didn't try and stop him. When Harry finally came round the corner, Hermione, Ron and Ginny on his heals, he hugged Sirius tightly before stalking off again. 'Look after him for me.' Sirius said, before disappearing into his room. 

Sirius sat on the end of the bed with his head between his knees, crying silently while Remus changed. He had changed into his pyjamas the second he'd come into his and Remus' room then sat down, pretending not to cry. 'Hey.' Remus said softly, sitting down next to him. Sirius leaned into Remus without looking up, and felt Remus press a kiss to his forehead. 'Sleep.' Sirius muttered, then pulled himself backwards and crawled under the duvet. Remus followed suit, and Sirius lay his head on Remus' chest, tears still pouring down his cheeks. 

'I miss them.' Sirius said quietly, and felt Remus squeeze his hand.