'Til The End

Difficult Days

Sirius knew today was going to be hard. It wasn't even a special day, but the moment Sirius woke up he knew he didn't like the day. Remus was asleep still, and Sirius curled round him, waiting for Moody to burst in when he felt like it. Mad-eye had a habit of making sure Remus and Sirius were actually Remus and Sirius at least once a week, by bursting into the room, wand in hand and observing how they were sleeping. It was quite unnerving, and Sirius couldn't put up with it today. Moody chose that moment to swing open the door.  'Don't say a word.' Sirius growled, clenching his teeth. 'I'm already not having a good day so piss off, Mad-eye.' 

'You've barely been awake five minutes, son.' Sirius refrained himself from yelling and took a deep breath. 'Leave me alone. I don't want a repeat of a few weeks back, thanks.' He snapped. Remus had told Mad-eye about a certain panicky incident he'd had a few days before Harry's arrival, much to Sirius' disgust. 

'Fine, I'll leave you to it. I can see it's you anyway.' Mad-eye left the room, thudding the door shut behind him, and Remus awoke with a start. 

'Bloody Moody.' He muttered, shifting over to face Sirius. 'What's wrong with you?' 

'Bad day.' Sirius said. 

'Is today a good day to ship Harry off to the Weasley's?' Remus asked. Sirius had a feeling he already knew the answer, but nodded all the same. 'Don't want him to see me like this.' Days like this happened roughly a couple of times a month, and Sirius would simply not be able to do anything. He curled himself around Remus so he could cower into his shoulder. 

'It's actually quite late, love, do you think I could go and tell Harry he's going to the Weasley's today?' Sirius shook his head like a helpless baby, so Remus yelled for Harry instead. 

'Yeah?' Harry asked, hovering in the doorway. 

'Come in, I'm not allowed out.' Remus made a subtle gesture towards Sirius, but he saw. Sirius shuffled off Remus' shoulder and pretended to be asleep so he didn't have to talk. 'It's going to be a bad day, I think. Could you maybe go to the Weasley's today? I'll contact Molly and ask, but Sirius lost his temper with Mad-eye when he did that stupid little check in and then told me he was having a bad day.' Remus had lowered his voice, but Sirius was straining his ears listening. 

'Of course! I can send Hedwig to Mrs Weasley now. Tell me if anything happens.'

 'Thanks Harry, after Azkaban Sirius' panic attacks have got a lot worse, so has his separation anxiety. I think today is going to be a lot of tears to be honest.' Remus sounded weary, and Sirius felt guilty. 

'I'll go send an owl.' When the door had shut Sirius shifted back onto Remus' chest. He felt Remus sigh tiredly and drape an arm over him. 

'I'm really gonna have to get up to talk to Molly when she gets here.' Remus whispered. Sirius grunted. 

'I can't do it today.' Sirius' voice broke. . He didn't know what bought it on, it just hurt so much there was a physical pain in Sirius' chest. 

'That's ok.' Remus said gently, 'you're doing really well, alright.' Remus kissed Sirius' hairline, 'today is the day you don't need to, ok? I do need you to let me go to the door to say hello to Molly and pretend everything is ok, though. Can you do that?' Sirius hesitated, he genuinely didn't know if he trusted himself to be alone. He didn't trust Remus alone. 'Look, here you go.' Remus performed a wordless protective enchantment on himself, and Sirius' face relaxed ever so slightly. 

'Come back.' He ordered. Sirius curled up into a tiny ball right under the duvet and waited for Remus to return. He heard the door open, then the door was left open, then the door was closed, then Remus' feet thudded upstairs again. He climbed in beside Sirius and Sirius shivered violently at his touch. 'Shh.' Remus soothed, 'I promise I'll stay.'