'Til The End

The Veil - Part Two

Remus' hand came back with a single shoe clenched beneath his fingers...

Remus couldn't hear anything, he could barely see anything. He lunged towards the veil, only held back by two hands and his elbows, dragging him backwards. Remus fought the hands, not knowing nor caring who they belonged to. Then the struggle was over, because the hands let go. Remus tried to push himself towards the veil, but couldn't find the strength, so just collapsed on the floor, sobbing. 'Remus...' Harry's shaky voice came from just above Remus' head, and his hand reached out tentively to Remus'. 'It's my fault, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.' Remus could hear the pain in Harry's voice, the horrible, horrible hurt and guilt and agony, but he just couldn't bring himself to reply. 'Remus' eyes were open, but all they could see was the archway. 

'Remus.' This voice wasn't hurt, it wasn't cold and it wasn't pitying. It was simply sad. 'Come back to Hogwarts with us.' Remus didn't move, but tensed himself ready for Dumbledore to apparate him. He knew it was Dumbledore, the old fucker. 'Harry is waiting for us in your office.' Then Remus was whirling through the air, not able to breathe, not able to think. 

Dumbledore was right, Harry was waiting in his office. Remus didn't say anything to either Harry or Dumbledore, and it was as if he didn't exist. 

'Well, Harry, you will be pleased to know none of your fellow students are going to suffer lasting damage from the night's events.' Dumbledore looked as though he wanted Harry to reply, but Harry didn't say anything. 'Madame Pomfrey is patching everybody up, thought Nymphadora Tonks may need to spend a little time in St Mungo's, but it seems she will make a speedy recovery.' Harry just nodded, looking at the carpet. The room began to let in natural light, but all that filled Remus was darkness. 'I know how you're feeling, Harry.' Dumbledore spoke very quietly, not quite looking at Harry, not quite looking at the floor. 'No you don't.' Harry said instantly. Harry's voice was strong, and he was glaring at Dumbledore with such hatred that Remus was sure Dumbledore was going to get a slap in a minute. Phineas Nigellus was ignored by everyone except Dumbledore. Harry turned, away from Dumbledore, away from Remus, and Remus just watched as he stared out the window. 'There is no shame in what you are feeling, Harry.' Dumbledore pressed on, 'on the contrary... the fact you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength.' Harry had scoffed lightly, and Remus felt like walking out. He didn't feel anything. He just felt... empty. 'My greatest strength is it?' Harry's mocking tone shook, and Remus saw a single tear roll down his cheek. 'You haven't got a clue... You don't know...' 

'What don't I know?' Dumbledore spoke so calmly that Remus just wanted to hurt him over and over and over again, just so he got a taste of how Remus was feeling, of how Remus knew Harry was feeling. Harry had turned, his entire body shaking and his face red in anger. 'I don't want to talk about how I feel, all right?' Remus felt a deep wave of pity for Harry. He wanted to hug this teenager and tell him everything would be ok, but Remus Lupin wasn't a man of lies. 'Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human-' 

'THEN - I - DON'T - WANT - TO - BE - HUMAN!' Harry bellowed, and in a fit of grief and rage he upended a silver table and threw it against the wall, much to Armando Dippet's disgust. 'I DON'T CARE!' Harry roared at them, snatching another one of Dumbledore's left-behind possessions and chucking it across the room. 'I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE-' Harry's howls halted as Remus stood up, trembling with grief. He tried to open the door, but it refused to open. 'Sit down, please Remus.' Dumbledore said softly. Remus had no desire to be in Dumbledore's presence any longer, but, like Harry, had had enough, and didn't care anymore. Dumbledore turned back to Harry. 'You do care.' The old man said, and Remus could smell Harry's anger and frustration and pain. 'You care so much you feel as though you'll bleed to death with the pain of it.' 

'I - DON'T!' Harry screamed, so loudly Remus thought Harry's throat may rip, and he could see in Harry's expression he just wanted to run at Dumbledore and just show him, show him they both were feeling pain like no other. 'oh yes you do.' Dumbledore said, still so calmly. 'You have now lost your Mother, your Father and the closest thing to a parent you have ever known of course you care.' 

'YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL! YOU - STANDING THERE - YOU -' Remus saw the desperation on Harry's face, he saw the anger, so he simply unlocked Dumbledore's office door. 'Remus.' Dumbledore said, in a tone that was almost a warning. 'Fuck off.' Remus said, then he ran, he ran until he realised he had no where to go. He ran until he reached the only other adult left he trusted. 

'Remus!' Minerva gasped. Remus could see she'd been crying very recently, but, and he knew it sounds heartless, he was past caring. 'I can't do it anymore.' He sobbed, as Minerva placed a cup of tea in front of him. They both knew he wouldn't touch it. 'I can't - He - I - No.' Remus had lost everything. First it was Peter, then Dorcas, then Marlene, then James, then Lily, then Sirius, then Sirius all over again. He'd lost so much it wasn't even worth living anymore. 'Yes you can.' Minerva said firmly. 'It's difficult, it takes a long time of pretending. That little boy needs you. He needs you now more than ever. Don't give up, Remus, don't give up now.' 

'But what if I can't carry on?' Remus cried, old pain bubbling in his stomach like acid, it was tearing him in two. 'You can.' Minerva said softly. She leaned across and hugged him, and he hugged her back. 

'I'm sorry, Remus.' Minerva whispered in his ear. It only made him cry harder.