nothing left for you - {y.kh x s.hs}

bridge

As soon as we got to the cafe, Wonho and I had to jump in John's car. Wonho say in the back with Maiya, watching her. "So," I sighed. "Am I just sharing my life story with you?"

John nodded, "Anything you want to tell me, tell me." I bit my lip. He was a much more docile man than he had been earlier.

"My mother stayed clean after I was born. I was never without her for a moment until someone killed her in a road rage incident." I started. "She was my mother and father all in one because you were never there. You never wanted to be. She died when she was 31, way too young to be gone. I'm getting close to that age and I thought I would've died years ago. I was 15. It's been 12 years without either of my parents, 27 years without you. I don't understand why you want to get to know me now." That was only the tester to see if he would actually fight me. "I'm gay, that's a sin right?" Nothing, he just let me talk. "That's my boyfriend back there. But before him, there was a... a complete monster that I wish would've killed me years ago. I met him in high school and I didn't start dating him until I turned 22. He was abusive, manipulative. I know you think I got my addiction from my mother? But you really should've met Jooheon. I was his property. And I stayed because I thought he really wanted me. But he just wanted to use me and abuse me. He really wanted Changkyun. That was his dirty mistress. And he never let me forget it. I guess one thing you'd have on him is that you never fucked your mistresses in front of your wife. I'm sorry, I shouldn't call them mistresses. You never fucked teenage girls in front of your wife." John's jaw tightened, proving to me that he was guilty and he knew it. "I wanted you in my life for years. But there is a God. I thought He kept you away from me because I was supposed to suffer. But I guarantee He did the best thing He could for me, which was keep you away."

John sighed, taking a turn onto the highway. "Kihyun..." he started. "What I did with your mother and Maiya's mother was consensual." Never would he try that on me.

"And what my ex-boyfriend did to me when I was drunk and high was consensual too." The sarcasm was heavy in my voice. "I've said yes so many times to him, but I know now that none of it was safe or sane. Pressured consent isn't a yes. Obligatory consent isn't a yes. And being 16 years old, having sex with a grown man isn't a yes either. You're actually pathetic if you believe that you're in the right here. You are 55 years old with a brand new daughter, John. A daughter born to a 17-year-old. Who rightfully got your job taken away. Do you really think you're the best role model for her? Were you the best role model of Matthew? I highly doubt it." I glanced over to see him crying. It pissed me off.

I went into the middle console to get him a napkin or something to dry his pathetic tears. I came across and envelope that had been addressed to Dad. It was something from Matthew. I picked it up and started reading through it. As I got halfway through, John noticed. "I drove my son to suicide." He admitted, breaking down into even more tears. "I taught him wrong, I hurt him. And I mistreated him, I never gave him peace on Earth. I was the definition of provoking my child to anger. I still am."

I knew this route he was taking. I would find myself here many of times after a binge. He was heading to a secluded bridge. I started texting my dad, telling him to call 911 right now. This man was about to kill himself. "That's true, I'm not gonna tell you anything different. I'm not going to lie to you, but I know what you're thinking." Maiya woke up and started crying. Wonho tried to shush her and I turned around, tears building up in my eyes. I didn't know if this was real or just a manipulation tactic. But I was terrified. I mouthed to Wonho. "Call Minhyuk, please." John started to exit the highway and slow down, taking that right turn I knew all too well.

The ride to this bridge was silent. But John didn't decide anything different. He didn't change his mind. When we pulled over, John got out. "I need to feed her," he mumbled.

"Kihyun, what's wrong?" Wonho asked as soon as the door closed.

I turned to him, starting to get out. "He's gonna try to kill himself and he can't get to this fucking bridge with Maiya. He'll take her with him."

As I got out of the car, John opened the back door and got Maiya out of her carseat. "Come on baby, let's eat and go back to sleep." He sighed. I followed with him while he fed her.

"John?" I asked softly. "I-I can feed her, okay? Why don't you just sit down?" We were walking to the bridge.

He shook his head. "No, it's okay. I can feed her." God, please stop walking.

I nodded, trying to figure out how to get Maiya without hurting her. "Okay but you look like you're gonna pass out, just hand her over." He started to fight me again, but I cut him off. "Dude just fucking give me my sister!" He turned on his heel and scoffed at me.

"Sister?" He asked. "Please, don't act like you've always wanted a sister from me. What the fuck do you care?"

As he started walking again, we were gaining speed. I couldn't keep up and I tripped over a rock, cutting my face up pretty badly. "Fuck," I groaned. "I care because she's just a baby!" I got up and ran to catch up. "John, she's just a baby, she's done nothing." He wasn't hearing me.

"No," he said. "She's a sin, just like the rest of you." I glanced behind me to see if any police were in the way. "None of you should be here right now. I shouldn't be here. What's the point when we're going to Hell?"

I didn't know how to talk to this guy. "That baby in your arms in an angel. She's pure. She hasn't hurt anyone, done anything wrong. She's got a whole life ahead of her." I finally saw the red and blue lights flash against the trees in front of us. Now I can talk, there's a chance. "I know what it feels like to want to die, John. Or feel like you need to die. But don't take her with you. If there's anything good you can do in your life?" I turned around and saw police men coming, Wonho and Minhyuk following behind them. "Give her to me. Put her in my arms, John. It's okay." He shook his head, continuing to ignore everyone around him. I ran ahead of him, blocking access to the bridge while the officers caught up.

"Get out of my way, Kihyun," he said. "You know what has to be done."

I shook my head, holding my arms out. "Give me Maiya," I said. "If you give me Maiya, I'll move. I'll let you go." John was contemplating it. "And I'd hurry up if I were you, because an officer is gonna tackle you in the next 10 seconds." And that was enough for him to finally put Maiya in my arms.

I did what I said I was going to do and moved out of the way. I didn't give a shit if he lived or died, I wasn't making any promise to save his life. I needed this sweet little girl in my arms, safe and sound. As soon as I moved, John turned to see police gaining on him. He ran straight up to the bridge as fast as he could.

I started walking away, listening to the scene behind me. Another officer came up to me. "Does she belong to you or him?" She asked.

I was shaking head to toe. "His daughter, my sister. Considering he almost killed her, you're damn right she belongs to me." I wasn't letting her go for nothing. "Wonho, get her diaper bag and put her car seat in Min's car." I heard the splash in the distance. They didn't catch him in time. I jumped as I heard it, tears finally falling. I couldn't imagine this actually killing him, too many people were around and could help him.

Minhyuk hugged me tightly, taking me back to his car. "You're okay, Kihyun. Alright?"

I nodded, looking down at the fussing baby in my arms. "You hear that, Maiya?" I sniffled. "We're okay. No one's gonna hurt you. Nothing's gonna get you. You're safe with me. This is a dramatic way to actually meet you, bug. But I'm Kihyun. I'm your big big brother." Wonho came up to me letting me know her car seat was in and the officer I talked to had checked it out as well. He gave her my contact information. "Alright, baby girl. Let's get you home, okay?" After my spiel, she cooed, seeming to understand me.