nothing left for you - {y.kh x s.hs}

letter

I woke up in Kihyun's bed alone. His side was made up perfectly, a letter resting on his pillow. "What the fuck?" I mumbled, looking at it. It was typed up, I'm assuming so that he didn't have to hand write two notes for me and Minhyuk.

"So, I've decided to go to the hospital. I know I won't really be able to contact you guys until later, but I'm okay. I took a bus to get there. I think, in order for this to work, you guys shouldn't come see me during visitation hours. I'll see you guys soon enough. I love you."

I sighed a bit, getting up to see if Minhyuk had woken up and read his letter. "He's gone..." Minhyuk sighed. "I should feel relieved. So why don't I? I mean, do they even admit as early as 5 in the morning?" He was cleaning up, an anxious tic of his.

"Yes they do. He went," I said, helping him clean up. "He's safe." I don't know what I said that pissed him off, but he threw his towel down, going to Kihyun's room. I followed him, not knowing what he was doing.

I furrowed my eyebrows, watching him open Kihyun's lap. "Last time I sat on my hands with my suspicions, he was getting abused to damn near death. I'm not gonna sit around this time." I sat down on the edge of Kihyun's bed.

"What are you looking for?" I asked.

Minhyuk shrugged, "Anything." We sat in silence for a bit, waiting for his laptop to connect. After a few minutes, Minhyuk yelled out. "Fuck!" He screamed.

I jumped up, "What?" I looked over his shoulder, reading the webpage. "Holy shit..."

What were we looking at? Texts between Jooheon and Kihyun.

Kihyun: hey...
Jooheon: so you wised up and learned to stop having me chase after you? how's that concussion?
Kihyun: take me. take me anywhere.
Jooheon: I need to know where you want to go.
Kihyun: away.
Jooheon: how long?
Kihyun: maybe a week? a little less. time's not a concept for me anymore.
Jooheon: sticks, popsicles, lemonade, bubble gum, cola
Kihyun: sticks. I need to relax. maybe lemonade.
Jooheon: meet me in that one abandoned school parking lot.

"Oh my fucking God," Minhyuk jumped up, grabbing his keys. I ran behind him. "When you know, you fucking know!"

Minhyuk was terrified, I could tell by his speed when he was driving. "Min, pull over." I said softly, trying to take over for him. He wouldn't listen, despite almost hyperventilating behind the wheel. "You can't get to him if we're dead."

He took a second to relax and pulled over. "What. What do you want when I'm trying to get to him?" I got out of the car, walking around to the driver's side door.

"Get out. Get in the back." Before he spoke to debate it with me, I snapped. "Get in the fucking back, you're not going to kill me while driving like a bat out of hell, looking for him!" Minhyuk groaned, climbing in the back seat as I took over for him.

The ride was ominous now that I took over. I wasn't going 90 in a 30 and creating a thriller vibe. "It's a few blocks from here now. The school they're talking about."

I made the turn into the desolate parking lot. There was only one car there. "Oh God, Kihyun... what are you doing?" I mumbled. This is where I picked up speed, quickly getting to face the car head on. I turned the high beams, trying to get a look inside. I saw Jooheon, he was sleeping behind the wheel. Where was Kihyun?

Minhyuk and I jumped out, banging on the windows. Minhyuk took on Jooheon and I looked in the backseat. "Open the door you piece of shit!" Minhyuk screamed, waking Jooheon up.

"What the fuck?" He groaned, getting out. "What do you want?" I kept an ear out for their conversation. Minhyuk was screaming him for luring Kihyun to him. "He messaged me, he looked for me. Shut the fuck up when you know nothing about it."

I opened the back door and immediately screamed. Kihyun's top half quickly dropped out of the back seat. He was out cold. "When did he stop breathing?" I yelled, feeling for his pulse. Nothing.

Jooheon quickly turned around. "He stopped breathing? I just thought he fell asleep after we fucked." He was so nonchalant about it.

I pulled him out of the back seat, an empty syringe coming with him. "Oh my God!" Minhyuk cried, coming to hold onto him. As soon as we got Kihyun out, Jooheon slammed his car door and sped away, hitting my leg a bit on the way out. "Wonho, fucking call someone!" Minhyuk sat there, desperately trying to wake him.

Our sun was starting to rise, but I wasn't sure that Kihyun's would. "911, do you need police, fire or medical?" Last time I heard that, Kai died on me.

"Uhm, m-medical." That's when I started to cry. "We have someone who overdosed and he was dropped off at the abandoned high school off of Milton Avenue. Twenty-six year old male." God, Kihyun. What are you doing? "I'm here with his brother, we're trying to wake him up, but I felt no pulse. There was a syringe with him, I'm guessing heroin."

I waited to hear the sirens engage. "Describe how he looks to me." The operator said, ready for notes.

I glanced over at Minhyuk. "Min, you gotta let me see him." I walked over, kneeling down to observe him. "He's damn near white. I think he stopped breathing a while ago. His lips are kinda grey. His pupils?" I turned on my flashlight, finally noticing that his eyes weren't completely closed. He was fucking dead. He had to be. "Uh," I opened one and looked at it. "Pinpoint pupils." There came the sirens. "They're almost here, what ca-" Kihyun started shaking in Minhyuk's arms. "Okay, he's starting to spasm."

The operator sighed softly "You're on concrete, one of you has to lay his head on your thigh so he doesn't hit it. Turn him on his side. It might be just spasms or a seizure." Minhyuk wasn't any good, barley paying attention to anything else.

I took Kihyun's head into my lap, turning him like I was told to. "Call your dad," I mumbled. "I've got this, call him."

Kihyun shook for about 45 seconds. A few moments later, the ambulance arrived. They couldn't even waste time to evaluate him here in the parking lot. They left with Kihyun en route to the hospital almost as soon as they came. "Dad?" Minhyuk asked, finally connecting with him.

"What's wrong, kiddo?" He asked, picking up on his voice.

Minhyuk sniffled, wiping his tears. "When I overdosed, what went through your head?" I sat next to him, holding his hand.

His dad went quiet for a second. "I was scared shitless. I felt like I failed in being your safe haven. I felt like I wasn't paying attention to you and it led you to that point. What's going on?"

He couldn't speak. He just broke down into tears again. I took the phone. "Hi, my name is Wonho. I'm a friend of Minhyuk's. Kihyun's struggling to get clean and he relapsed today and he overdosed. I told Minhyuk to call you, I could tell he didn't know what to do and I had no words for him." His dad sighed, going quiet again.

"Is Kihyun okay? He's like my son too, is he okay?" I could hear him start to cry himself.

I wish I had a definitive answer for him. "Kihyun is... he's on the way to the hospital. Jooheon's here for some reason, and Kihyun got into contact with him. I'm not sure how much you know, sir. But Kihyun went out the other day, he was going to hook up with one guy, but he quickly realized that he was Jooheon's coworker. He beat him really badly. Last night, we talked to him about maybe going for a psych evaluation and maybe a stay. And instead, he called on Jooheon for drugs. That's how I understand it."

Minhyuk got up, heading to the car. "My God... You're gonna get him admitted now, right? He's in no mental state to decide to avoid it anymore. I mean, if he lives." That sat heavy on my heart. Pretty much everyone accepted that Kihyun was dying, if he wasn't dead already.

"Most definitely," I said, getting in the car myself. "It's not a conversation anymore. He's trying his hardest to die." I handed the phone back to Minhyuk.

He pulled himself together to talk for a second. "I'm not religious. Not a lot. Things I don't agree with, I don't associate myself with it. But... I need to pray." Minhyuk took a deep breath, before he lost it again. "So Daddy, can you teach me how to pray again? Please, pray with me? I can't handle this on my own, I can't help him. You can't fix it either. And I don't know what else to do."

His dad shushed him softly. "Okay, son. We'll pray, most definitely. I can help you pray." Soon after that, they started praying. I'd been praying before we even left the apartments and I'd be praying well after we reached the hospital.