nothing left for you - {y.kh x s.hs}

gone

The fucking ringing in my left ear was killing me. My jaw was swollen, my nose felt broken, I couldn't breathe well. This was the worst he'd ever beaten me and we weren't together. If he hated me so much, why wouldn't he let me leave?

I walked on into the house one day. I wasn't even there all the way. There's a significantly high probability that I was high or something. But nevertheless, he was there, ready to scream at me over something. "I swear to God, you'd serve me better if you were gone." And I tried to give him that. I'm guessing that he wanted me dead?

"Well, he has a ruptured ear drum, that'll heal on its own," the doctor said, catching my attention a little bit. "Is it ringing?" I nodded. "It'll stop by itself. I'm a little concerned about his concussion. If he goes to sleep, wake him up about every hour and a half. I would say two hours, but I'm really worried about it. What happened to you, son?"

Minhyuk went to speak, but I grabbed his hand. "I- uh." I couldn't hear myself well. It was like my thoughts were being repeated over what I was saying. I looked up at him and shook my head.

"He doesn't want to say," Minhyuk sighed softly.

The doctor nodded slowly. "Let me know when you can see my fingers." It took a while. I couldn't see them until they were a little off center. I moaned a little bit. Why couldn't I fucking talk? "Here?" I nodded again, tears starting to stream.

Wonho walked in, noticing how I was feeling. It was that potent. I wanted him to come in and talk to me. Ask me one of his stupid fucking questions. I wanted him to be in here with me. He turned and walked away, going to sit down. "Why are you crying, Bubba?" Minhyuk asked.

Because I fucked up. Pushed away someone who was really trying to be a decent person to me. I'm crying because now I'm hurt and while I want to speak now, while everything is so fresh on my mind, I can't even fucking talk. That's why I'm crying. That, and the fact that Jooheon fucking found me. Wouldn't you be fucking crying too? Except that I couldn't say all of that, so I just kept crying. My doctor started an eye exam, probably worried that I had no peripheral vision.

By the time Minhyuk and Wonho got me home, the sun was rising. "Why won't you let me fucking tell someone about him?" Minhyuk asked, leading me to my room.

Now Wonho had something to say. "He doesn't want help," he scoffed. I couldn't defend myself well. It would just come out so mumbled. "He's dead set on making himself as miserable as possible, just so he has something to complain about to make everyone else feel fucking sorry for him." Wonho was beyond pissed off.

"Hey, stop it." Minhyuk sighed. "This is what he's been struggling with for quite some time."

Wonho ended up at my door, watching Minhyuk lay me down. "A grown ass man can lay himself down, Minhyuk. He's not gonna fucking die walking down a hallway." I wanted to cry again. I ended up fucking up their relationship too? "He's not the only one who's struggled through something. Let me guess. His mom loved him to pieces and then she died when he hit high school? Your parents loved him like a son. He had love everywhere? But Jooheon was just saying all the right things one night and Kihyun has never been so bold before and he took him on? And then he fell like he's never fallen before and Jooheon took advantage of that?" Minhyuk stared at Wonho, speechless. "Somehow it's always the familial privileged ones. I had parents who were gone all the time, working nonstop. I was a jack-off in high school but I pulled my shit together. I don't think he ever knew what is was to have to get his shit together and now he's stuck in a cycle of staying a victim. And to be entirely fucking honest, he got what he fucking deserved." We all went quiet, letting that sink in.

Minhyuk shook his head. "He deserves whatever he's getting from you. He didn't deserve Jooheon finding him and beating the fuck outta him. And if you think he did, you can fucking leave."

Wonho sighed a bit. "I'm here because of you. I'm here because my friend's brother is hurt." Which I expected. He wasn't there for me, I ruined the chances of that.

"Yeah well I'm fine here, you're basically calling me stupid for doing what I do for him." Minhyuk went to grab the ice packs he'd brought in.

Wonho shrugged, definitely over it all. "You're acting like all of this is your fault."

And that's what touched a nerve. "All of this is my fucking fault, goddamn it!" Minhyuk ran his hands through his hair. "I was the drug addict. I didn't hand him a needle, but he saw me and he saw me seem so carefree. So when someone did give him one, he took it. He left my side and I OD'd. I know what it feels like to be where he is when he's still struggling with his problems. And I fucking knew Jooheon was abusing him and I didn't do a damn thing about it. So this is all my fault, I have to fix it. Please, let me." With that, Minhyuk turned his attention to me. I watched as Wonho turned around and walked out. And then Minhyuk broke down into tears.

I felt so fucking bad. "Come here," I mumbled, supposedly. Whatever I said, Minhyuk understood evidently.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered, sitting down next to me. I shook my head, rubbing circles into his back. "I'm so sorry, Ki."

I shook my head, grabbing my phone. I began to type and then let my phone speak. "I know I've probably made you feel extremely guilty, but this isn't your fault. Whether you knew or not, Jooheon was going to do what it was he wanted to do. You struggled with addiction for at least three years. That doesn't mean you taught me to use. Let yourself off the hook." I spent a lot of time angry at him, and I didn't think much about how it actually made him feel.

He sighed a bit. "I snapped at you and you left to give me time to cool off. And you ended up with him."

I shrugged. "I also chose to go back on my fuckboy shit." Which was true. I chose to go out, which was dangerous and against all better judgment anyway.

"That doesn't mean you asked to get beat like this. Now take a nap, I'll be back later." I nodded softly, letting him leave. As soon as the door closed, I started typing what I needed to say to Wonho. Even though he'd blocked my number, I needed to tell him how sorry I was.