nothing left for you - {y.kh x s.hs}

comeback

"Kihyun Yoo," I sighed, watching a light move between both of my eyes. "I'm fine, just stitch my arms up, give me blood, and let me go."

Minhyuk rolled his eyes at me. "No, you're not fine. You overdosed and not even 24 fucking hours later, you almost die again. Do you really expect that you're going home?" He asked.

I scoffed, turning my attention back to the doctor. "Date of birth and your age?" She asked, checking my veins for a suitable one for the blood transfusion.

"November 22nd, 1993 and I'm 26 years old." I looked at her trying to find a vein, it would be comical if it wasn't pitiful. "You're gonna have a hell of a time finding a good vein... I shot them both a while ago." The doctor smiled softly, knowing it would make me feel a little bit better. "You know what, why are you here?" I asked Minhyuk, annoyed with his presence. "I don't want you here."

Dr. Hill, I think was her name, finally found one vein to be better than the other. "You wanted me there before slitting your arms, now you don't want me?" Wow, he knew how to be fucking considerate.

I chose to ignore him. I wanted Wonho. I didn't hold Minhyuk's hands before passing out, I held his. I cared about him. Yes, remorse was swallowing me whole. So it was proving hard to bite my tongue. "You walking away is what pushed me here. You promised you would help me, and the first slip I have, you fucking disappear on me. You didn't fucking ask about me, you just assumed I went sniffing around for drugs." It was like he never thought about that much and now it was clicking for him. "Do you want me to tell you everything that happened?" I asked, recreating the scene we had a few weeks ago.

"Yes," Minhyuk sighed. "I would like to know what happened."

Eventually, he would have to approach me for the information he sought after. "He came to the door while I was applying to jobs. Changkyun pushed past me to come inside, and he looked through the file we keep of my visits. He saw I was admitted for an opioid overdose, as if he didn't know. And the. He gave me a bag of drugs. Weed, heroin, some other shit. He called it a parting gift." Minhyuk nodded softly. Remembering what happened next had me break down. "I called you, Minhyuk... I called you, your job? I called Wonho. I called you guys. I didn't want them. I wanted to tell you. If you knew, I wouldn't feel like I needed to get rid of them. If you knew, I wouldn't be hiding behind your back." I closed my eyes, laying back in the bed.

Minhyuk sighed softly. "I just thought you asked him for them... I know I went to the people who destroyed me and got a fix. You're so much like me, you're scaring me."

I shook my head. "I'm not you though. I'm worse off, I know that scares you. But you wouldn't be where I am. Yeah, I guess you got a few fixes after you overdosed, I guess Dad gave up on you. But he came back around. You dug your heels in, not even letting me explain." I wiped my eyes, thinking about it all.

"I knew I lied. I just thought you would too." Minhyuk bit his lip. "I know it was wrong to think so, but we do that. We're addicts, Kihyun. We lie, we downplay, we avoid, then we relapse and we hide. That's what addicts do. We will always be recovering addicts." I refused to let that be me.

I just wanted to drop it. "Knock knock," I looked up to see Wonho at the door. "Can I come in?" He asked softly.

I nodded, reaching with my free hand for him. "Hi, baby." I loved him and it scared me. But I loved him all the same.

Wonho wrapped his arms around me, trying to keep from crying. "Do you need to go back?" He asked. "I couldn't help you like I thought... do you need to go back? There's no shame if you do."

I didn't know what it was I needed. "I just want them gone. If they're gone, I promise I can be a better Kihyun." Wonho kissed my forehead softly.

"You're a pretty great Kihyun to me..." he smiled. "You have slip ups, but we all do. You're not nothing and I know you have so much more to give." It was sweet, but I couldn't help but remember where being down this road before led me.

Suddenly, my monitor started beeping like crazy. "Kihyun?" Minhyuk asked, looking between me and the doctor.

She rushed to check my heart beat. "I'm not sure what happened, he seems like he's having a panic attack. Kihyun, can you hear me?" Of course I can hear you, why wouldn't I be able to hear you?

My eyes fluttered shut and breathing became really difficult. "What's happening to him?" Wonho asked.

"Kihyun, you have to calm down for me," she mumbled, her voice fading into nothing. What if I started to trust Wonho like I trusted Jooheon? He's saying all the right words again. Who's to say Wonho didn't convince Kai to take her life? He doesn't seem like that type of person, but Jooheon didn't seem like that type of person either until he was telling me to kill myself every other day.

What if I let Wonho in and everything is great? Until it isn't? The flutter in my chest that I thought was just nerves about falling in love again was proving to be difficult on me. "He's tachycardic and experiencing syncope, let's get cardio in here. You two will have to go elsewhere, I'm sorry." That was the last thing I paid attention to.

I came to in a hospital room, once again. What happened, I couldn't tell you. I was getting a blood transfusion, a two hour procedure tops. The next thing I know, I'm admitted. "He's awake," Minhyuk said, going to get a doctor. Don't leave me with him, please.

Wonho didn't say anything. I looked up to see him on the other side of the room, far away from me. "Kihyun?" My cardiovascular doctor came in, smiling a bit. "My name is Dr. Oh. You gave us quite a scare there... are you prone to panic and anxiety attacks?" I nodded, holding my head softly. "Okay, well your heart rate rose quickly out of nowhere... You experienced a syncopal episode and fainted. We admitted you just to keep an eye on your heart rate. You'll also visit with our psychiatry attending before you're discharged tomorrow morning. Go ahead and get some rest, okay?"

I nodded a bit. "Thank you, Dr. Oh..." After he left, I looked over at Wonho. "I'm sorry... I just... I got scared." Minhyuk took my hand, rubbing it softly.

"Scared of what?" Wonho asked. I didn't want to talk about it. It made the fears real.

I shrugged, laying back in bed. How do I tell him that I was terrified of him because I was falling in love with him?