nothing left for you - {y.kh x s.hs}

mistakes

I wasn't satisfied with just texting him and then blocking him. The uncertainty of whether or not he understood just how sorry I was had been eating me alive. So, unbeknownst to Minhyuk, I got up out of bed. I had to keep quiet, making sure he didn't come follow me.

The front door was the first part of the obstacle course, and I passed with flying colors. The next part? The stairs. I was tired, I knew I shouldn't be doing this. But I needed him to know how bad I felt.

After what felt like hours, climbing the stairs and stopping for some breaks now and then, I made it to his door. I took some deep breaths, trying to return to a resting state as I knocked on the door.

Wonho opened the door with him phone glued to his ear. "You're not Hyungwon, why the fuck are you up here?" I hadn't gotten my wind back yet, so my words weren't coming. "Wonnie, my neighbor's here. I'll call you back." When he hung up his phone, he offered me a hand. "I'm calling Minhyuk."

I shook my head as I took his hand and walked inside. "No need," I sighed. "I just needed to you to know how sorry I was." Wonho rolled his eyes, closing the door behind us.

"You're just showing me how fucking stupid you are," he said, annoyance riding on his voice. He led me to his couch, helping me lay down. "I'm not in the mood for this shit." He was either truly annoyed, or sad and acting annoyed. Either way, he was upset.

I didn't know what to do now. I didn't know what I was expecting. "I'm sorry, I'll go back downstairs."

Wonho went to the kitchen, "Stay right there, dumbass." I usually didn't take kindly to that kind of talk, but I was exhausted with trying to speak. He came back with sprite and crackers. "You're not going anywhere until Minhyuk comes upstairs to get you." I rolled my eyes a bit.

"He doesn't need to concern himself with me," I shrugged.

He wasn't having it. "And yet, you give him every fucking reason to be concerned with and about you. Hell, you concern me and I don't even fucking like you." He grabbed a throw blanket from his recliner. "I'm fine, it's whatever. We're just not meant to be friends or anything, so let this be the last time we meet like this."

I couldn't fight it. I didn't have the energy to. He was honestly only saying it was okay to shut me up, and I knew that. But I blew it, so there was no reason for me to keep trying to apologize. "Who is Hyungwon?" I asked, curious to why he was coming over. Not that I cared that he was, I just wanted to do more than sit in an awkward silence of hatred.

"He's my Minhyuk," Wonho admitted, going to his recliner and turning on the TV. "I'm not okay, it's none of your business really." I nodded, closing my eyes, turning toward the back of the couch.

It was quiet for a little while before he spoke up again. "I miss Kailah every single fucking day. You don't think I wish I could've saved her?" I didn't have any words. "Kihyun, if I told you I think about killing myself four out of seven days a week, would you believe me?" I shook my head, listening to him. "You're not the only one who hurts. I don't know when you started to think you were, but seven billion people in this world hurt at one point or another. We're all gonna get hurt. Hurt people hurt people. But you went too fucking far. Before you said that, you didn't hear me tell you 'well I'm sorry your ex found you so goddamn irritating that he would've rather killed you than just leave you alone' or some shit like that." That one stung, but I deserved it.

There was a knock on the door, before it opened. "Oh, you popped the lock out." I'm assuming that was who he called Hyungwon. "I didn't know your neighbor was still here. This is Minhyuk?" He asked.

He talked about us. He told Hyungwon, he knew who we were. "Kihyun," I spoke softly.

I watched as his entire demeanor changed. "Won, have you eaten tonight?" Wonho shook his head. "I'm guessing you barely have food in there."

Wonho shook his head, scrolling through the channels. "I have plenty." He was pissed off and hurt and I caused it.

"I know you do. I was just hoping you didn't do some stupid shit like skip eating and that you only had a little bit. I'm making you some bacon and eggs." Hyungwon headed to the kitchen.

Wonho settled on a movie that was starting. "Ew, breakfast for dinner is gross."

Hyungwon snapped in a seriously playful way. "Your stupid ass skipped dinner and it's almost time for breakfast again, you don't get to choose anymore." Wonho just drew his attention back to the television.

Once the breakfast for dinner was done, Hyungwon came back into the living room. "Thanks," Wonho said, taking the plate from him.

"Give me a number," Hyungwon replied, sitting on the edge of the recliner.

Wonho shrugged softly. "Seven," he took a bite of his food afterwards. "But let me eat, and then we'll talk in my room." Hyungwon nodded, leaning back slightly, letting Wonho lay his head on his chest.

I turned my back on them again, taking a deep breath. I didn't want to leave though, I didn't feel well enough to make my way back downstairs yet. "Let's go," Hyungwon mumbled, taking Wonho away to his room.

It wasn't long before I heard crying. Loud, heartbreaking crying. It reminded me of the day Minhyuk and his dad finally saw me break. The way I felt that night... It was both a release and a struggle. I was relieved that Minhyuk finally knew, but beyond hurt that he had a feeling and he did nothing.

After he cried for what seemed like hours, I heard Wonho's cries turn into whimpers, into groans. I guess we really aren't that different. Sex takes our minds away from what hurts. But that was my cue to bounce. I texted Minhyuk to come upstairs to get me. The door was still unlocked.

When he came upstairs, the noises between them both had gotten louder and more distracting. "What are you doing up here?" Minhyuk asked.

I shook my head, taking his hand as he helped me get up and head to the door. "Making myself look like a bigger goddamn fool than I already am."