nothing left for you - {y.kh x s.hs}

reconcile

Wonho watched Maiya as I went to see Minhyuk. I was nervous. It had been a week since his overdose and my dad and I decided he needed rehab again. Dad picked me up at 11 and we were on our way. "Bubba," he sighed. "He's really hurting."

I shrugged, being pretty indifferent to his feelings. "He compromised my sister's life. He compromised my life. He doesn't deserve immediate forgiveness." And he didn't. I didn't care how he felt when it came to Maiya's safety. I would move halfway across the country even.

"Can you just be nicer to him?" He asked. "Please? I'm not asking for you to reunite and cry with him, but I need you to be cordial."

I shrugged. "The moment, and I mean the exact fucking moment he starts trying to guilt trip me, I'm gone." My dad thought that was fair and laid it to rest as we got out.

Making our way to the recreational area, I saw Minhyuk. He was sitting by himself, clearly just passing the time. He didn't look happy and my heart actually broke for him. "Min?" Dad asked, catching Minhyuk's attention.

"I didn't expect to see you here," he said, avoiding my gaze. That was fair. I didn't expect to see me here either.

Our dad sat down as I just stood next to him. "How was therapy today?" He asked.

Minhyuk shrugged. "Talked about Tyler," he was messing with his hands. They were scratched up and scarred.

"Stop picking at your hands," I chimed in, noticing how fixated he was on them.

He glared at me. "Sorry if this is the only thing I can really fucking do in here to keep from shooting myself in the fucking head." He was angry, but had no right to be. Not with me. "Anyway, I talked about how much I regretted what I said to him. Unlocked a new motive for getting high." My dad cocked his head, intrigued. "It's my way of honoring him, I guess. That's what my therapist said."

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "That's what you tell yourself to make up a decent reason to break." We've switched positions a couple of times in life. It was weird for me to be the sober and wise one again.

"Kihyun, can you shut the fuck up?" Minhyuk snapped.

I rolled my eyes. "I will mop the fucking halls with you, don't talk to me like that. You're the one who put my life in danger, my sister's life in danger!"

Minhyuk stood up, slamming his hands on the table and leaned in to me. "You didn't even know you had a sister until five fucking minutes ago!" He wanted to act like that?

I matched his pose which brought us nose to nose. "And she means more to me than you ever will!" Minhyuk dropped his jaw, slowly sitting back down. "Yeah, you inconsiderate fuck! You knew I was getting my ass beat and you didn't stop it. And you kept in contact with one of the two motherfuckers we're supposed to hate! When did my fucking brother get to be this fucking selfish?"

My dad stood up, pushing me back slightly. "Kihyun, go take a walk!" He growled, pointing me to the door.

"Fucking gladly," I said, backing away. "You're dead to me, Minhyuk. So fucking dead!" I knew I was out of line but I didn't want to damage my pride. I took a deep breath of fresh air as I went outside and then? The urge came back. I needed a fix. But I didn't want a fix. I grabbed my vape, taking a hit to soothe me.

After about 20 minutes, I walked back inside, now calmer than I had been. Did I miss my brother? Absolutely. Did I want him back? Definitely. Maiya misses him too. But I had to fight for that little girl because no one else would. I came back to see Minhyuk gone, medical personnel rushing one direction and everyone else on the ground. "What's going on?" I asked, following one of the staff members.

"A patient found a box cutter." He stated, starting to run ahead of me. There was a mob of people gathered in front of the men's bathroom, including my dad.

I sighed, making my way down the hall, knowing what was waiting for me. "Let me through," I said to one of the nurses. She was hesitant at first. "That's my brother, let me in." She nodded, letting me pass by. I walked into the bathroom and there he was, sitting against the wall, crying. "Why are you doing this?" I asked, sitting next to him.

He leaned on my shoulder as he cried, box cutter in front of his neck. "You act like I don't feel bad about this whole thing!" He screamed out. "I feel like shit knowing I put you and Maiya in harm's way. You're being cruel and I feel like this is the only way I can make it up to you. The only way to satisfy you."

I sighed, taking his shaking hand, trying to take the box cutter away. "I feel like I deserve to be a little cruel. You betrayed my trust. That doesn't mean I want you dead, Minhyuk. In all honesty, I miss you." He let out a shuddering sigh, letting me take the box cutter away. "I do miss you, Bear. But my priorities changed. And you weren't loyal to me, so I no longer feel the need to be loyal to you. But we can work on it. We can't work on it if you're dead or if you don't work on yourself." He nodded, crying softly on my shoulder. "When you're ready, we're going to walk out of here and get you help. Did you hurt yourself before I came in?" He sniffled, rolling his sleeve up, showing me his injuries. I held his hand tightly, laying my head on top of his. "I do love you, Bear. And I didn't mean what I said earlier." I mumbled, trying to soothe him.

"I've missed hearing you call me Bear," he admitted, taking a deep breath. "I love you so much and I'm so sorry for hurting you." I nodded, sighing softly.

After another 20 minutes, he was finally ready to get up. I held his hand as we walked out of the bathroom. "He did hurt himself," I said, handing the box cutter off to a staff member. "He's ready to get bandaged up." A nurse nodded, leading us to a room he could get checked out in before being transported to a hospital.

Getting home after the day that I had was grounds for me to finally let go of every emotion I had been holding back all day. Wonho was cooking dinner while Maiya slept. "How's it go?" He asked, back turned to me. I walked up to him and hugged him from behind before breaking down into tears. "What's wrong?" He turned around to face me, enveloping me into a tight hug.

"I was too cruel to him," I whimpered, wiping my tears. "I feel like a piece of shit. He almost killed himself today, he stole a box cutter. I told him Maiya means more to me than he ever would, I called him selfish and inconsiderate all the while he's been feeling extremely guilty and mentally killing himself to make up for it!"

Wonho shushed me, running his hand through my hair. "You're okay," he mumbled. "Your guard is constantly up, Kihyun. You have to work on your temper with him and learn to forgive him. He took you across the country to save you. Jooheon is in your past and now that Minhyuk realizes what he did by talking to Changkyun, it'll never happen again. You have to forgive him and move on." I wanted to, I really did. He just hurt me a lot and I couldn't take it out on anyone else. Especially not the two who started hurting me to begin with. He didn't deserve my wrath and I was realizing that now.