Madison (Maddy) Briggs is from Manhattan, New York. She was in 3rd grade, just 8 years old, when the World Trade Centers fell on September 11th, 2001. Her dad was a firefighter, and his station was one of the first on scene that day.
Her dad, Larry...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"So Miss. Briggs, your long-term boyfriend died on Monday, just four days ago. And he was in the line of duty, Correct? That still must be incredibly fresh." Dr. Jocelyn Seabreeze said as she began her Zoom therapy session with Maddy. Her kind green eyes, and brown hair reflected off of the light that hung in her office.
"Yes ma'am.." Maddy chocked out. "We were together since uhm.. late January, early February of 2020.."
"Oh.. that is a pretty long relationship. Your longest?"
"Yes.. he was the one too. I was going to marry him... he was going to ask me next month.. in February literally."
"Wow.. that's incredibly sad. I'm very sorry."
"Thanks. It's just not fair.. why Tim?! Just why?! He was literally the kindest soul.. he didn't deserve to die!"
"No, he didn't Miss. Briggs, most people don't."
"But Tim especially didn't.." Maddy didn't even notice that she was now ugly crying onto her laptop.
"You're right. He didn't. He was taken from you, and it's not fair. You're here to process those feelings of grief... it appears you're in the denial phase, which is NORMAL. How do you feel about that Ms. Briggs?"
"Maddy's fine.." she sniffed with a slight smile. "Uhm.. yeah, I'm in denial. It's only been like a week.. so I guess it is normal for me to be crying everyday.."
"Of course, it's one of the most normal things. You've suffered a tremendous, unexpected loss. One that will likely take months of us talking, and other self-healing practices for you to come to terms with it Maddy. It's okay.."
"It doesn't feel okay.. It hurts. I had off work all this week... and I'm allowed off next week too."
"That's good, take all the days you're allowed. It's good they're being so understanding— not all places of employment care about bereavement time for significant others who aren't a spouse, that's great!"
"Yeah.." Maddy sniffed. "My job is amazing like that.. I'm the nursing administrator, so I get manager privileges."
"Well that's wonderful! And I saw in your pre-appointment form that you have a fantastic support system? That still the case?"
"Oh yes, one hundred percent! My best friend and his dad, who are here in Texas, are amazing. And my mom is wonderfully supportive, even in another time zone," Maddy was able to let a small chuckle out. "His parents reached out too."
"That's excellent! It's extremely important to have positive, supportive people in your life, especially after a trauma. Speaking of which.. in your pre-appointment, you also mentioned having vivid nightmares of seeing your boyfriend's body.. are those still happening at this point?"
Maddy cleared her throat, "yes ma'am. Uhm.. Monday, his actual night of death, I didn't sleep at all, so the nightmares or flashbacks or whatever they are.. started Tuesday night actually. They weren't so bad then, just him being on the gurney.. uhm.. but now, yeah.. I see him. His face, his hallowed-out chest.. his scorched skin.. uhm, yeah.." she sniffed. "And then he's screaming for help in some of them.. and I, uh.. can't get to him.." Maddy wiped the tears from her cheeks.
"Well that's actually easily explained.." Dr. Seabreeze smiled gently.
"Really?!"
"Yes ma'am. You weren't with... Tim, correct?"
"Oh yes, Tim."
Dr. Seabreeze smiled. "You weren't with Tim when he passed away, so you're living with guilt over that, though there is absolutely nothing you have to feel guilty about.. however, it's normal to feel that way. Since you're in the medical field as well, your subconscious feels as though it, or you rather, should have been able help Tim, in some way.. which is another normal stressor these types of traumas can bring out."
"But how do I make them stop?! They're so vivid.. I can hear his voice.."
"You can try some meditation before bed.. to clear your head. OR.. forgive yourself."
"What..?"
"Yes Maddy.. forgive yourself. What happened to Tim was a tragic, tragic, accident.. and there was absolutely nothing anyone could do to help him, right?"
Maddy sat in silence as she shook her head 'yes.'
"Okay.. then it's okay to forgive yourself, and I'm not saying you'll be able to do this tonight, or even two weeks from now. But you have to forgive yourself... do you think Tim would want you to?"
"Yes, I believe he would."
"Then that's your answer.. if not for yourself, then for Tim. Okay?"
"Okay.. I'll try."
"Like I said Maddy, that alone will take time. Healing and self-forgiveness take time Maddy, and there is no right or wrong way to heal... to grieve. Everyone does it their own way, their own timeframe. Good support systems and other methods are key. Are you taking any medications— anti-anxiety or antidepressants? Anything?"
"Yeah... I just want the pain to stop...." she paused for a moment. "Uhm, I've been taking anti-anxiety meds, yeah... from way before Tim's death.. wanted to clarify."
"Okay.. well I'm not a psychiatrist, so I personally can't prescribe you medication, but how do you feel about an antidepressant as well? Small dosage.. just to keep you on your feet?"
"Hmm.. yeah, I guess that's not a bad idea." Maddy chuckled.
"Well, I'll send you the name I have in mind and then you can talk with your PCP about it— see if you want to or not.. I won't have a problem either way.."
"Thanks Doctor Seabreeze. See you next week?"
"Yes ma'am.. I'll send you a confirmation email for that. It will also have the name of that medication."
"Thanks doc. Oh! Before you go.. How do I sleep tonight..?"
"Oh yes, of course! Hmm.. try a simple meditation. Sleep with some calming music, and the best advice.. look at pictures of a happy Tim, and of the two of you, up until you're getting ready to fall asleep— try to force the good memories to the front. Take some melatonin as well— take your medication more regularly. Okay?" Dr. Seabreeze winked.
"Yes ma'am," Mandy smiled. "I will do all of that, thanks! Bye!"
