the next holders//mlb fanfiction

17//to blame someone

By the time El arrives at school, the news has already spread. She can hear everyone talking, she can feel their eyes staring at her. She feels uneasy, something tells her this isn't just about her getting akumatized.

El tries to act like she doesn't notice and walks to her next class. Everyone is already there, except Autumn and Louis. She doesn't really feel like speaking to either of them. In fact, she doesn't think she can show her face to them ever again. El already put one and two together and realised it's her fault Louis fell off that building, even if she can't remember what happened. As for Autumn, she probably hates her by now, she doesn't even want to think about it anymore.

Right before the teacher announces the start of the class, Miles walks up to El. He usually smiles, but his face shows pure disgust now.

"It's your fault Louis is in the hospital. Why did you push him off that building, what did he ever do to you?" The hurt could be heard in his voice, Louis is his best friend after all.

"I-" El starts, unsure what to say, her mind is a complete chaos. "I don't know what happened, to be honest. I can't remember anything, but I'm really sorry."

"Sorry won't heal him, will it? And besides, you shouldn't apologise if you don't mean it. You never liked anyone in this class to begin with." Miles says, El keeps quiet. She can't seem to find the words to respond, no words can make up for what she has done. So she keeps quiet, she doesn't say a word for the rest of the day. Not even when the teacher asked her to solve an equation or when Autumn returned to school.

When school is over, Autumn walks up to El, but El ignores her again. It feels just like before, yet it's different now.

"Are you feeling alright?" Autumn asks. El doesn't answer, she obviously isn't, but someone actually asking her that question instead of blaming her for something she can't remember feels nice.

"I'm fine." El lies and leaves. She doesn't return to the orphanage though, she doesn't think about where she's going and ends up at a place she hasn't seen in a long time: the abandoned building she and Autumn used to sneak out to when they were kids. Their special place. She doesn't know why, but she stays. She walks inside and lays down in the courtyard of the building, it's where they always watched the fireworks on New Year's Eve. She wishes she could go back to that time, when things were still easy. Things aren't easy anymore, they just keep getting more complicated.

"El" she hears a voice, it's a very happy voice compared to the one spooking in her head. El looks up to see a black kwami, she can't believe her eyes at first.

"Plagg?" She says doubting, afraid her mind is playing tricks on her. She was convinced she gave her miraculous to Hawk moth when she was akumatized. "How?" She asks.

"I took your ring before the akuma transformed you, it's as easy as that. You can have it back now, I'm glad you're safe." Plagg says, giving El the ring. She doesn't take it.

"Maybe you shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"I got akumatised, someone got badly injured because of me, I'm not fit to be a hero after all."

"That's not true! Emotions make humans human, being a miraculous holder doesn't mean you should shut those out. You're an amazing miraculous holder and I'm certain you'll save countless lives in the future." It's one of those rare times where Plagg doesn't bother to talk about cheese, El appreciates it. She thanks Plagg and puts on the ring again.

Once it's starting to get dark outside, El decides she should go back to the orphanage. The ride back is familiar, it feels good. She can remember carrying Autumn through all those streets after she had fallen asleep on New Year's Eve.

When she arrives at the orphanage, Miss Blanchard greets her and asks her if she could come to her office. Assuming she wants to talk about the fact that she got akumatised, which should be all over the news by now, she follows her. Yet, when she enters the office, Miss Blanchard doesn't follow her. There's someone else waiting for her.

"I'll leave you two to it." Miss Blanchard says, leaving El with Autumn, who has been waiting for El all afternoon.

"What are you doing here?" El asks.

"Please don't get mad, but when you lied to me that you were fine-" Autumn starts, El interrupts to tell that same lie again, but Autumn ignores it. "I started asking around what had happened while I wasn't at school and apparently, everyone was mad at you for getting Louis hospitalised."

"You're here to tell me I'm heartless too, then? Thanks a lot, but I already knew that." El says sarcastically, trying to withhold the fact that those words hurt her.

"It's quite the opposite, actually. I'm here to tell you that you shouldn't blame yourself. People are just stupid, when there's no one to react their anger towards, they'll think of a way to do it anyway. That's why you were mad at me, isn't it? But once you had decided you wanted to forgive me, you blamed yourself because you needed to blame someone." Autumn pauses a while to rethink what she wanted to say, she was starting to stray from the subject. "What I wanted to say is that I think that you're really strong and amazing. But it's okay to show your emotions sometimes, you don't have to think of those as a weakness."

While Autumn was talking, El had started to cry, although she didn't realise it until Autumn walked up to her to give her a hug. El wanted to pull away from the hug at first, feeling a bit uncomfortable, but Autumn's hug is familiar to El, so she hugs back. Autumn doesn't let go until El does, it takes about two whole minutes until El pulls back.

"Thank you." Is the only thing she manages to say, Autumn smiles.

"You're welcome."

***

At the end of that same afternoon, Emma Dupain-Cheng walks home. It's the first time she's walking home by herself, her mom usually walks with her, but she texted her earlier that she had to go to the hospital for Louis. She reassured Emma it wasn't that bad, but Emma had already heard the rumours and knows that it's a lie to put her mind at ease. She heard Louis fell off of a building earlier today, it's still unknown to her how he got up there. While trying to think about anything but what's happening to Louis, she bumps into someone. She wants to apologise, but freezes once she sees who's in front of her. It's a woman, she's pretty tall and has long, brown hair. But that isn't what makes Emma unable to move. It's the mask covering her face and the purple and grey suit she's wearing that creeps Emma out.

"Come with me. I know you're scared for your family. Your younger brother getting akumatized and now your older brother getting hospitalised, it must be really scary. I can assure you that your family will be safe if you promise to help me with some things in return." The woman's voice says, Emma stares at her in disbelief.

"Really?" She asks, you can barely hear her voice.

"Of course, I don't tell lies."