the next holders//mlb fanfiction

19//long small talks

Louis had closed his eyes for a while but opens them when he hears his bedroom door open and close.

El walks in and doesn't really move after closing the door, she still feels the urge to run.

"Hi El. You can sit down if you'd like." Louis says, El sits down on the chair standing next to his bed. She looks at Louis, he looks wrecked with bandages covering his body and he's looking pale.

"I'm really sorry." El starts, she isn't sure if she should continue that sentence, there's nothing she could possibly say that would make up for what she's done.

"There's no need to apologise, I only asked you to come here so I could tell you it's not your fault. I figured you wouldn't remember what happened and blame yourself for it, but I do remember what happened and you should know that it's not your fault." Louis says, he can't be more specific than this, he shouldn't reveal anything about Renard to anyone, so he hopes this little information is enough for El.

El doesn't know what to say, she knows Louis is only saying this to make her feel better.

"I figured you wouldn't believe a single word I say, it's written all over your face, but I think it's best for both of us if I don't go into detail."

El still wants to believe Louis is lying to her, but something about the way he speaks makes her realize he's not lying. He doesn't blame her, but she can't understand why. Why can't she just remember what happened when she got akumatized?

"I don't really like this whole one-sided conversation, so if there's something you want to get off your chest, say it."

There are a lot of things El wants to say, she wants to know what happened, how he got up there, if she pushed him off, but in that moment, she didn't say any of those things.

"Are you gonna be okay?" She asks, Louis didn't expect her to say this, but laughs it off.

"I'll be fine, don't worry. The doctors say I'll make a full recovery."

"I'm glad to hear that." El starts, she then pauses while thinking what she should say, if she should say more. She wants to apologise again, but she's sure Louis won't let her. So she keeps silent, and the silence turns awkward.

"I guess I should go." El says eventually, Louis nods.

"See you at school. Once I'm able to go again, that is." Louis says, El smiles.

"See you." She says, leaving his room, feeling a bit confused as well as relieved.

Once she comes downstairs, Autumn is still waiting for her, just like she promised. They both say goodbye to Louis' parents and leave their house.

At first, neither of them says anything, they're just silently walking next to each other, enjoying the company, until Autumn decides to ask El if she wants to hang out for a while. Since El doesn't have anything better to do and actually wants to keep her mind off of things for now, she says yes.

They walk to the park to find a quiet spot to hang out, they find one at a big tree. El sits down on a low-hanging branch while Autumn settles down on the ground.

A small breeze blows past them, it's a bit cold, but that makes sense since it's already December. Autumn and El make eye contact, they don't exchange words but start laughing out of nowhere. It's somewhat stress-relieving.

After a while, when they've stopped laughing, Autumn asks El a question she's asked multiple times lately.

"How are you?"

El's a bit startled by this question and responds with a stuttering "What?"

"I asked how you're feeling." Autumn repeats herself, she sounds a bit bossy, but in a caring way.

"You've already asked this multiple times today. And yesterday. And before that." El states.

"And you haven't given a truthful answer yet, I can't sit and watch you lie to yourself and others." Autumn says, El is once again shocked by Autumn's tone, she seems different from usual, a bit like how they used to act around each other; spilling every thought on their mind because they know each other better than they know themselves.

"What do you want me to say? Tell me and I'll say it." El says, she too doesn't really think about her words.

"The truth. I know you hate talking about yourself, but I need to be sure you're actually okay, I don't want to leave you again!" Again, Autumn has been feeling guilty for leaving El, she's afraid of leaving her again, she can't do that to her.

El is at a loss of words. That extra word, 'again', seems to have flipped a switch. She wants to talk about her feelings, she honestly wants to, but she can't figure out how. "I'm not fine." Is all she manages to say, and that's enough for Autumn to get on her feet and hug El.

"It's scary, not being in control." El says, referring to her akumatisation. Autumn stays silent to give her the time to find the words she wants to say. "I know I'm safe now, but I'm scared it might happen again." El pauses again, she isn't sure what she's trying to say. "I- I don't know, I don't usually talk about this stuff." Autumn knows 'this stuff' means her feelings, she knows El has always been like this.

"Do you remember six years ago? It was my birthday, but you totally forgot about it. You remembered the next day and felt guilty the whole day long, but you didn't talk to me about it, thinking it would make me upset. That night, I asked you what was going on and you lied straight to my face. You tried organising something for my birthday on your own, but you couldn't because with every day that passed, you wanted it to be more special to make up for the days you had missed. After a week, you finally gave in and told me about it." Autumn starts, El remembers and starts smiling.

"And then you told me you were perfectly happy just spending time with me. You weren't mad I forgot your birthday and you weren't mad I didn't tell you sooner, you were just happy I eventually did." El adds to her story. "I think I understand what you're trying to say. I promise I'll tell you what's on my mind once I figure out how." Autumn smiles, her smile is enough to tell El she's satisfied with her response.

They want to talk for a bit longer, but get interrupted by a loud thud which is followed by terrified people running from the sound. Both El and Autumn get on their feet, El grabs Autumn's hand and takes her with her to a safe spot away from the akuma.

"Stay here, I'll find another place to hide." El orders, ready to leave, but Autumn grabs her by her hand "I'll see you later, please be careful." "I will, see you later."

The two civilians transform into their alter egos and see each other sooner than expected, yet they're still as clueless as ever about the person hidden behind their partner's mask.