Down With Broken ✓

Part 11: Old Habits Die Hard

"I'm dying, I'm dyi-"

"No you're not," Levi said, hurrying through the crowd with me in his arms and out of the doors.

He found an empty parking lot of a vacant shop and stopped running, putting me down. "You're going to be okay," he whispered gently.

I shook my head in denial and leaned into him as I was in motion of falling to my knees, but he held me up.

I was getting dizzy, "I can't breathe..."

"Lay back for me," he said.

I laid back, shaking and feeling so cold, even when some of my skin had started to break in a sweat.

Levi laid back against the road beside me, rolling up his sleeves. He heard my deep breathing and placed his hand on mine, knowing I'd need to fiddle with it.

I could always count on Mr. Hand.

I played with his fingers, trying to relax my fastly beating heart.

I was surprised he was so silent. Normally people would repeatedly tell me it's fine or to calm down, and it usually made things worse, but not with him.

I ran my fingers over his veiny wrist and closed my eyes, breathing in. It had become my habit...my coping mechanism...and my drug. I could almost fall asleep like this.

My blood became warm again and the faint tingles in my toes had gone away. My heart had finally calmed its rhythm as well. Things were quickly back to normal, faster than ever. I felt like I had escaped.

"You okay?"

I blinked suddenly, forgetting I even had someone beside me. "Y-yes."

"Good."

I turned my head to look at Levi. He was just watching the stars in the night sky comfortably. He didn't seem to mind my panic attack.

I put his fingers to my chest bashfully, "Thank you, Levi."

"Anytime."

I frowned to myself as I looked up at the sky with him, beginning to overthink a bit. Would he think I'm weak now? So many people had just witnessed me break down.

"You okay?" he asked again.

"I told you I'm fine."

"I don't believe that, Amora."

I sighed. Of course he didn't.

"Just tell me when you're ready," he whispered, "I'll always be here."

Why was he so patient with me?

I held his hand tighter and started to cry, "Do you think I can even become a singer when I go through panic attacks like this?"

"Of course," he said effortlessly.

I placed his fingers to my lips absent-mindedly and he chuckled, "Amora, you're enough cuteness in a package to make a tough man crumble."

"Shut up."

He turned his head to finally look at me, "I like you, you know?"

He was so honest. Why wasn't he afraid of letting the truth free?

"I've always known that, dummy head."

He smiled and looked back at the sky.

I twirled the ring around his middle finger, "Levi...I like you too."

"Oh yeah?"

I giggled, "Yeah."

"I told you that how long ago that you liked me? Hm? You didn't believe it." He smirked.

I rolled my eyes, "Nevermind, I hate you."

He let out a deep sigh, "Whatever you say, Amore."

I smiled and moved over to place my head on his chest and he brought his arm around my side, kissing the top of my head.

It was just us, laying in an empty lot while looking at the stars. It may have not been enough to fulfill anyone's intimate dreams, but this was more than enough for me.

I looked at the moon and picked at his jean flannel with my fingertips, "Your heart is so rhythmic."

"You hear it?"

"Mhm."

He placed his free hand in front of me and I held it. When I did so, his heart started to pound against my ear faster.

"Why are you always so honest Levi?"

"Well...believe it or not, I never really fit in. At school, I was the only white boy, and even when I was with other white boys, I had too much things about black culture that I loved. It left me confused and lonely..."

I held his hand tighter. I saw his nails were still painted from earlier today. It almost made me smile.

"I don't regret being adopted by a black woman and I won't ever. I consider her a true mother. I love her to death."

"I do too, she's sweet," I giggled. Her food was amazing, and her home, as well as her personality, was just so comforting.

Levi smiled, "She likes you too."

"Really?"

"Hell yes, she was going on and on about how you complimented her on being a good mother, and how well you addressed her. She's big on manners, like...big."

I laughed and he continued on with his story, "But yeah, I've basically been an outcast. I was like shoo if I don't fit anywhere, I'll just be myself, y'know? What's the point in lying if no one can really appreciate the truth that you are no matter how you identify yourself?"

"You've just accepted your truth?"

"Mhm..." He placed a finger to my lips, "my adopted father always played his guitar coming home from work. One day he didn't. He was killed, and now I'm just hoping to live a legacy so he won't stay dead."

Just like me, I thought.

"I'm sorry, Levi."

He shrugged it off as if he's ran around preaching about the story of his life a thousand times.

"Now I'm hoping I can help this damsel in distress reach her dreams," he smirked.

"Bye," I said quickly and sat up. I was too awkward for this cheesy flirty stuff.

He pulled me on top of him and I looked down at his face. His hair was the same from earlier today as well. Did he keep his style because of me? "What are you doing Levi?"

"Where did you think you were going?" he grinned.

I looked at his hands placed above my hips, and I did everything I could not to move against his lap. Those veins never disappeared.

"Why are your veins so comforting?"

"Probably a kink," he teased and laughed at my embarrassed expression. "I do have veins in other places, y'know?"

My mind went completely foul.

He sat up, blushing, "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

I remained in his lap and took his face in my hands. I was thinking about being his. I was just unsure of the consequences.

"Will I regret this, Levi?"

"Regret what?" he responded, just meer inches from my lips.

"Us."