Down With Broken ✓

Part 27: The Lie That We Live

(trigger warnings...)

• • •

"Amora, I'm alright."

I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me.

Levi had always joined me in my breakdowns, never once leaving me to suffer through it alone. The least I could do was try to give him the solace he gave me.

"Levi, I'm not the best at this, and you know it, but please let me help."

He sighed, "It's nothi-"

"Tell me it's nothing one more time," I threatened.

He looked over at me. I had never seen him look so serious before. The once optimistic boy I had fallen in love with from the beginning was dissipating before my eyes.

"What am I supposed to say Amora? That I hate my life and wish I could disappear? That I'm jealous of something I can't have because of the way I am?!"

"Yes," I responded quickly. I knew about his father. The self-hatred.

I had been through it all before. Waking up to find out my only sibling was dead, wishing that I could have taken her place instead.

It hurt, and only continued to, until he made me realize the truth. I didn't hate this life, I just wanted to disappear, and I no longer wanted to now that he was here.

"May I see?" I asked when he remained silent.

He hesitated, then nodded. I rolled up his sleeves for him, trying not to cry at the sight of his wounds. The long scrapes that decorated his wrists and forearms made my heart ache.

He sighed, "I know what you're gonna say..."

I kissed his wrist, smiling to myself, "I love you, Levi."

His eyes widened.

"Why is it you don't love me back?" I asked.

"I do Amo-"

"Then why would you hurt me?"

He looked dumbfounded at my question, and I giggled, wrapping my arms around his neck, "Are you and I not one?"

He blushed as tears formed in his eyes, "Amora..."

"I am you and you are me," I shrugged and smiled even more as I looked into his saddened brown eyes, "They even call me by your name, do they not? If you hurt yourself, I hurt as well. Can't you see that? Why hurt us?"

A tear ran out of his left eye and he carefully grazed my cheek with the back of his hand, "I don't want to hurt us."

I grinned, "Oh really now?"

He started to laugh and brought me closer to him, hugging me tightly as his tears started to flow more.

"I'll always love you Levi," I whispered and wrapped my arms around his torso as I pressed my cheek to his chest.

I could hear his heartbeat speeding at the sound of my words, and his arms only held me tighter.

"Broken pieces and all," I added.

I listened to him cry for a moment, before pulling away to place the palms of my hands against his cheeks. I wiped his tears away with my thumbs. "We were down with it from the beginning, right?"

He nodded, a little embarrassed at his sudden hiccuping.

I smiled, "Promise me that you and I-"

He looked away from me shyly, and I cupped his face harder to turn his attention back to me.

"We..." I continued, "don't live anymore in these lies. No hiding. If something is wrong, speak."