What's this feeling || Xiao x Aether

An unexpected feeling

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𝐗𝐢𝐚𝐨 𝐏𝐎𝐕:

"I think I'm in love with Albedo"

It felt like the world was spinning. It felt like I couldn't breath. I felt both my hands form into small fists and I moved my right hand up to my heart. I gripped onto the piece of clothing that covered my heart as I felt how fast it was beating, but it also seemed shattered. I directed my eyes away from the other boy's face and to the ground. I couldn't look at him, my eyes wouldn't let me, my brain wouldn't let me. But most of all, my heart couldn't bring my eyes back to him.

"Xiao? Are you okay?" Damn his fucking voice. I can't stand it... not right now.

"I'm leaving" I stood up abruptly and snatched my bag off the ground, swinging it around my shoulder and tugging at the collar of my shirt. I felt my eyes move back towards Aether's own eyes. He seemed worried and confused but I didn't give a shit. I removed my eyes from his and turned around to leave.

"Wait! Xiao I-" He stopped midway through his sentence once I glanced back at the him, my eyes piercing through him. He averted his gaze quickly and let his eyelids droop further down those perfect fucking yellow eyes of his. The corners of his lips forming his mouth into a deeper frown. I couldn't stand to look at him anymore. I turned my head around and begun to take large steps forward, only to feel something tugging at my arm.

"Fucking let go of me!" My voice came out louder than expected. Everyone in the cafe turned to stare at the scene happening in the corner of the small shop between myself and Aether. 

"Why... why did you look like that?" He asked with his stupid fucking voice.

I snatched my arm away from his small hand before glaring down at him. My hands and my knees trembling. He looked back over to my with concerned eyes which I quickly averted my gaze from.

"It's nothing. Leave me alone" 

I walked out of the shop, stuffing my hands into my pockets as I felt the cold breeze run through  my hair and onto my face. I wished I could just disappear already.

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Once I entered my apartment, I threw my bag across the room in frustration. I let out a loud groan before I fell onto my knees and held my forehead with my right hand. God fucking damn it. My heart ached and my hands were trembling, all because of that fucking blonde. I attempted to lift myself up but my knees felt like they were breaking into shattered pieces. I slammed my left hand against the wall and used it to aid my legs.

 Once I finally got my legs to move, I trudged over to my couch and dropped myself on it. I let out a loud and long sigh before I felt a weird liquid prickling the corners of my eyes. I lifted my hands to touch them, only to feel that the unfamiliar liquid was streaming down my face. I attempted to wipe the streams away but they kept going and going, leaving me unable to stop them. My ears suddenly caught the sound of footsteps, which I immediately responded to by whipping my head around, only to see my blue haired roommate.

"Xiao... why are you crying?" They asked with a soft voice. Ganyu always spoke to me as if I were a child. I turned my head away from her, wiping the so called 'tears' off my face. I listened as her steps grew closer and closer, until I felt a warm feeling on my shoulder. I swiftly turned around and grabbed onto the thing that was touching my shoulder, only to see Ganyu's wrist being held by my own hand. 

"What happened Xiao..?"

"Nothing" Ganyu is the only one that knew about the weird feelings for Aether. She called it 'love' or something like that. Tsk. How disgusting. How could I single feeling bring so much pain to me? 

Ganyu sighed and pulled her wrist away from my hand. "Is it about Aether?"

My head shot to her direction immediately when she said his name. "How..."

"Because I know only 𝘩𝘦 can make someone like 𝘺𝘰𝘶 feel this way."

She was right. Only Aether made me feel strange. Whenever I'm around him it feels like stupid insects are fluttering in my stomach. My heart seems to beat faster and faster whenever he gets close. His smooth, silky hair always makes me want to brush my hands through his blonde locks. His beautiful golden eyes never fail to bring heat to my face. Yet, this same person could also bring the worst possible pain I've ever felt in my life. 

Just then, I felt a warm sensation from around my whole body. Once I looked over at Ganyu, I saw that she was kneeling down next to me, her long arms wrapping around my body. She's the only one besides for Aether I'd let get this close. I felt myself fall forward and into her arms, resting my head against her shoulder as more tears rolled down my face. She placed her hand against the back of my head and started to hum quietly. 

"It's okay... you'll be okay Xiao..."

This only made the tears stream down faster and faster. She held my head tighter and brushed my hair through her fingers. I hated this. Why did I feel like this? Why does my chest feel tight and my body feel broken? Why do my eyelids feel heavy? Why am I trembling so much? These are all questions that are left unanswered to me. Anytime I thought of the blonde boy my heart ached. Just those few words brought tremendous pain to me. What is this feeling? It feels like I was betrayed and stabbed by the one person that meant the most to me. It fucking sucked. I felt weak and frail, things that I haven't felt for so many years.

After a couple of minutes, I pulled away from her warm embrace and looked at the ground. Why did I feel so weak? I feel out of character and out of place in this fucking world. Ganyu raised her hands to wipe away the hot tears that were stinging my face. I opened my mouth to say something, my voice coming out raspy and broken:

"Ganyu..." 

"Yes Xiao?" 

"Let's go to the bar."

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Author notes:

I honestly don't know how I feel about this chapter. I promise I'll try to improve my writing ability for the next chapters because so far, my writing is complete shit 🤠. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! 

See you next chapter :)