favorite liar | jegulus

sixteen

tw: mentions of a suicide attempt and child abuse read with caution loves
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"thank you for yesterday," regulus said taking a seat in the library in front of the fireplace. "i never expected to enjoy it as much as i did."

"i expected a fight to break out but it went really smoothly, dont you think?" james replied laying his head in regs lap per usual

regulus relaxed as his fingers found their way to james's hair, "it was good to forget about the war for a few hours."

"its like for a few hours the war didnt exist at all, the feud with severus never mattered, and even you and sirius were able to act like everything was okay," james agreed. "i think it was what we all needed actually."

regulus smiled, "it was exactly what we needed."

"like my friends?" james smirked tapping regulus on the nose who just rolled his eyes

reg nodded, "i never thought i wouldnt. you were right though, remus is the best."

"yea he is," james beamed. "you two seemed to get along great."

"oh yea we talked about the book we just read. hes really good at understanding it on a deeper level than me. must be something muggles learn that we dont. and he gave me a bunch of recommendations that were like that one. told me he'd give me his copies soon," regulus rambled on. "hes so gentle its a shame hes got to turn into a werewolf once a month."

"he told you?" james questioned but was happy remus took such a liking to reg that he shared that part of him

he nodded, "yea. he really doesnt deserve it. not that anyone does but him of all people, its heartbreaking to me."

"i always thought the saddest part was that he hurt himself for so many years. that he scared himself up so badly," james gave his input

reg scrunched his nose while tilting his head to the side, "what changed?"

"keep a secret for me, love?"

regulus nodded, "always"

"sirius peter and i are animagi so the wolf has friends now. he doesnt hurt himself anymore since were around. and he can actually remember his transformations." james explained

"so what do you turn into?" reg asked cooly un phased by the news

"a stag"

regulus grinned, "and my brother? pete?"

"a black dog, one that looks like the grim and petes a rat." james replied

"pretty diverse group eh?" reg smirked

"s'pose," james shrugged

the conversation ended there as reg continued to play with james's hair. james began to do his readings for potions and charms while they sat by the warmth of the fire

once the library was more deserted james turned his attention back to regulus who had been following along with james's readings the whole time

"i wanted to ask you something," james said looking up at reg

regulus met his look, "okay"

"its not that specific of a question but i just wanted to know what severus did for you, in more detail i mean," james explained closing his charms book

"can i ask why first?" regulus answered his hand slipping away from james's hair

"because yesterday i didnt see him as my enemy, its like i saw him the way lily does, the way i see you." he said

"see me?" reg questioned

"yea, youre not your family or your house or your last name. your a boy who is hurt, and vulnerable, and outcasted, and you werent given much of a choice about all that," james rambled. "yesterday thats how i saw sev. it just made me wonder what type of kindness hes really capable of."

regulus smiled at james and how far hes come in such little time. it was a pleasure to watch him mature

quickly the smiled faded as he realized what story he would have to tell

"are you sure you want to know?" reg asked hoping he wouldnt have to tell the story

"yes"

"it was two years ago, during my third year his fourth," regulus began

"it was after that bad christmas with sirius. the one where he left after my parents used the cruciatus curse on him"

"i remember," james commented his heart aching at the memory of sirius standing outside his front door shaking in fear and pain unable to speak for days

"it was a few weeks after we were back at school. and i was in a really dark place. i couldnt stop picturing sirius in pain as they tortured him, sirius begging for just an once of mercy from my parents, and them giving him absolutely none."

james took regs hand into his stroking his thumb reassuringly as he continued to relive his worst memory

reg smiled softly saying a silent thank you before he went further, "and i couldnt stop hearing all of the things they said about him after he fled. it scared me james, it terrified the living daylight out of me. i could never imagine letting them do that to me or talking about me in such a way."

"so after weeks of my mind just making every waking hour my own kind of living hell. i decided i would jump off the astronomy tower"

"regulus no," james thinking out loud

"that way id never have to pick a side. sirius would never have a reason to go back to that house. i would never have to disobey my parents, get on their bad side. i would never give in and take the mark, hurting those who tried to steer me down a better path. at the time it seemed like it would solve all my problems"

regulus wiped the tears that had began to fall on the sleeve of his jumper. james reached up and gentle wiped his tears away and gave him a soft smile

regulus gave his hand a gentle squeeze in return before continuing, "i was seconds away from jumping before severus pulled me down. i was so angry with him at first. how did he of all people not understand why i had to do it? then he started talking, talking me down. he managed to pull me out of that mindset and into a new one."

"he started listing all of the things id missed out on and started pointing out everything i almost missed out on, if i had jumped for the next few weeks."

"that night, after he stopped me, he said something that really never left me. he pointed up at the stars and told me to show him sirius. after that he told me to look at the star and sort of pray to it. he said if i couldnt talk to anyone about i felt i could always talk to sirius instead."

"so ever since thats what i do when it gets really bad or really lonely. i may not have the best relationship with my real brother but at least i have a part of him to look to when i need guidance."

james was a loss of words. he had never imagined something like this. he expected a story about sev standing up for reg or defending him when others picked on him

he was unsure of what reg needed after telling someone his worst memory, his weakest moment. all he knew to do was wrap his arms around regulus and hold him tight. words werent needed, this said enough

so james sat up and gentled embraced regulus who clung to him. reg buried his head in the crook of james's neck while james held the broken boy stroking his back and attempting to mend him in anyway he could

"just breath reg, ive got you," james coed as he held reg. james felt him nod into his shoulder. james let his head rest on top of regs

reg was grateful james didnt ask further questions or try to comfort him with one of his speech's. a long tight hug and gentle reassurance of james's presence was more than enough to keep him going another day