favorite liar | jegulus

twenty seven

tw: talk about death ( no one dies though ) just a topic of conversation. proceed with caution loves
—
even after months of spending his evenings in the library with regulus, james still could not fully understand how a place built for studying had become a hang out spot for him

as james and regulus fell further in love studying became less and less important. their nights in the library became to steer away from school work and focus on conversations

regulus being the intelligent one with the mind and curiosity of a philosopher, he always brought up interesting topics of conversation

james was the kid stuck in a constant daydream, a sort of movie mindset. to him everything was beautiful and grand and worthy of becoming a famous book one day. so when regulus wanted to talk about the meaning of life, explain the stars in the sky, or just tell stories james never said no

sometimes james wondered if regulus couldve been a ravenclaw

their long conversations became a sort of corner stone, the building block of their relationship. sure regulus kept secrets and told a few white lies but when it mattered james knew he was being truthful

they had finally reached a point where communication was key and trust had been earned

it was a very usual night for them. textbooks opened to the same page as three hours prior, their list of assignments remained incomplete, because they were too engulfed in their current conversation

"have you ever thought about death before?" james asked out of the blue

it had been a more prominent thought in his mind the past few weeks. before the war he never worried about death cause it was always lifetimes away in james' mind but now it seemed it could only be days away. and he felt terribly ill prepared

"course, hasnt everyone considering whats going on right now," regulus said innocently

james laughed softly, "no i mean like really really thought about it. what it feels like, how it happens, where you go, all that sort of stuff."

"yea i have," he sighed

"do you think its really a better place?"

james had never been one to believe in heaven or hell per say. growing up he was always told "theyre in a better place" not once did someone tell him they were rotting in hell

then voldemort came into the picture. and for the first time james found himself wondering almost wishing certain people were condemned to rot in a place like hell. people like him deserve it

"it might not even be a place," reg said dryly. "but when i think about it i imagine it being very painful at the beginning. i think you feel all the pain of eternity at once. then when its over and you are fully dead, beyond revival, its probably pretty beautiful."

"even if its an just empty black void," reg finished with

"youd made a damn good poet," james smiled up at him

"it must be nice, right? i mean to feel pain for the last time and then never again." reg looking for james' take and or his agreement

"i suppose. i just hope everyones there and i get to see familiar faces again," james replied

regulus sighed, "i dont think id have many people id want to see on the other side."

james scoffed, "rubbish! you have me for one, and sirius."

"its different with him-" regulus started

james interrupted, "just hear me out. youd have forever and more with your brother, no war, no sides, no family feuds, just you and him."

"when you put it that way, it does sound a lot better than i originally imagined," regulus chuckled quietly

"i hope its not going too far but when you were younger was thinking about death like an escape for you?" james asked

"yea, in a sense." regulus admitted. "i never wished it upon myself exactly i just thought it was something you could mentally prepare for i guess. it always felt comforting to know there was an end. maybe thats why i hope theres nothing waiting for me. cause if their is, then its just another beginning and im not sure i want that."

"like sleeping you mean?" james raised an eyebrow

"i sort of hope theres nothing there. the idea of dying just to exist somewhere else for eternity is i dont know almost unsatisfying. why am i even here now then? if i kill myself, you know got it over with, and ended up there, the better and eternal place, why does this place exist? what purpose does a life of pain and suffering serve in the great grand scheme of it all?"

"reg, you do too much thinking. it makes my brain hurt," james stated nuzzling further into his lap

"thinking less would probably do me a favor but i cannot help it exactly, it sort of just happens and i really get no say in the matter," regulus said quietly stilling twisting his finger in james' hair

"what about distracting yourself?" james offered

"being with you is about as distracted as i get," he smiled

james mumbled a "mmhm" as he grew sleepier and sleepier. his eyes had finally won and were falling shut

"tired?" regulus grinned

james nodded in regs lap. regulus discreetly picked up james' cloak and threw it over them

they stayed there for a few minutes. james was falling into a light sleep while regulus continued fumbling with his hair. in these moments the world was calm. the world was peaceful and happy. any feeling of impending doom disintegrated entirely

then something dawned on regulus; it was a full moon

"james! james!" he whispered shaking him softly

james grumbled as he opened his eyes again, "what? im sleepy," he whined

"james its a full moon tonight isnt it? you have to go meet sirius and pete right?" regulus asked him quietly

"oh my—" james gasped snapping his eyes wide open

"bloody hell reg," he said sitting up. "thank you merlin thank you for remembering for me, love."

"of course," regulus smiled placing a kiss on james' forehead

"ill see you in the morning," they said in unison laughing a bit as james took off and regulus open his book back up