favorite liar | jegulus

twenty two

there's a girl fifteen with her head in a noose
because she's damned to live well she's damned to choose
declan mckenna: paracetamol
—
break had ended and james was standing on the platform at kings cross with the marauders ready to head back to hogwarts. after saying goodbye to his parents he and the boys made their way onto the train

moments later james pulled regulus into an empty compartment on the train and casted a silencing spell. he had planned to be civil, act like nothing happened, let regulus bring it up but then he saw him

he saw regulus, the boy he was completely engulfed by, stepping onto the train after kissing his mother goodbye. it stirred something inside him. something that truthfully had been brewing for the past two weeks

seeing regulus kiss that wretched woman goodbye enraged james to a whole new level of angry

how could he kiss the woman who abused his brother? pushed his brother so far away that he literally ran away? tortured her children?

and how could he do it knowing the two people who loved him most in the world would see? how could he let that be the first glimpse they get of him after spending weeks worried sick about him?

james was livid; and he was never the type to contain his emotions

"why did you lie? you said you were coming, and then you never showed. you just disappeared on me again," james confronted regulus once they were inside the compartment

"james what the hell," reg cried regaining his balance after being dragged into the compartment without any notice at all

"what the hell me? regulus you just disappeared on all of us. we were worried sick. i was worried sick."

"i owled you," reg shrugged

"thats all you have to say?" james asked

"you knew i was safe," he replied

"safe? safe?!" james gasped. "i knew you were in that house, with your parents. nothing about that sounded safe to me."

"i told you from the beginning that you couldnt save me, and what did you do the first chance you got? you tried to save me."

"i tried to help you," james corrected. "i was trying to keep your safe."

"no james, just..just stop" regulus spat crossing his arms

"thats the problem with you and everyone in your bloody house. you think you can fix everyone. you think nobody is too far gone to change for the better. i bet you think you could even convince voldemort to change," he scoffed, slightly amused

then regulus pointed at him, "well guess what james, you cant fix him and you cant fix me. im not a charity case or your training mission so you can become an auror."

his jaw clenched, "im just a boy with a broken family and a fucked up life and no say in his future. theres nothing you can do to fix it or change it or save me. this is who i am, this who i will always be."

"you think i believe for a second you are any bit like them? ive seen the real regulus black and he is no monster," james raised his voice

"he is a boy who wants to do the right thing, who wants to make his parents proud, who wants to be every bit as brave and courageous as his brother who he idolizes, a boy who just need a little bit of love," james said softening his tone

"you dont get to take the easy way out after everything," james added

"and thats for you to decide that?" reg cried

"no but you owe to sirius. reg it was all about you, everything. he did it all to protect you."

"joining them is no way to repay him," he said simply

"stop the fucking guilt trip james, you think i dont fucking know that sirius did it all for me? i know he did and i never asked him too," regulus screamed and then bit his lip so hard it struck blood

james huffed, "im not trying to guilt trip you reg. im trying to make you see things in a different way. im trying to make you understand why."

"but i dont. i dont understand why you would ever think i have a chance at escaping. im not sirius, i dont have a happy new home to run off to. i dont have a fortune waiting for me when i turn seventeen. if i leave i loose everything, i mean everything james."

james took a deep breath, "if you ever showed up at my door with nothing but the clothes on your back and the change in your pocket i would let you in without second guessing. i would do it in a heartbeat. you always have somewhere to go."

regulus shook his head, his lip still bleeding. "you will never understand, james. i am nothing without them. im food for worms if i ever go down the path sirius did."

"so many people are on your side, way more than you care to acknowledge. you would never be doing this alone reg, never," james added softly

"youre doing it again," regulus huffed. "youre still trying to save me."

"love, i dont care. i dont care in the slighest anymore. i will save you if its the last thing i ever do. and thats a promise regulus black," james announced hoping he had gotten through to him

"this isnt up for debate, were not making a compromise here." regulus spat as he stormed out of the compartment

"regulus wait-" james called but it was no use. when reg wanted to leave, he knew how to do it

when he looked up regulus was gone and looking back at him was sirius who looked just as shocked as james was, remus who was squeezing sirius' hand comfortingly, and pete with his mouth wide open

they all looked shook to their core and for why, james didnt know. they shouldnt have been able to hear but perhaps in his moment of rage had performed the silencing spell incorrectly or hadnt done it at all

"dd—did you guys hear that?" james murmured

they nodded

sirius hung his head, "im sorry mate. i really am."

remus released sirius' hand and slipped his arm around his waist. sirius smiled softly at this

"youll be okay james," remus said softly. "it cannot hurt forever."

"but when it does, it does." james sighed

"he'll come around mate," sirius insisted

remus nodded, "you two are connected in some special way. it seems like you two cant stay far from each other for too long."

james smiled softly, but the pain rang through his whole body. its a nice thought remus, he said to himself. but he wasnt buying it at the moment

pete still had his mouth wide open. he did not know what to say or how to help. all he knew was that james appreciated a good hug now and then

so he slowly made his way to james looking at him for approval. he nodded, instantly pete threw his arms around james giving him a good squeeze. james held the embrace for as long as he could but eventually he knew he had to pull away

he did and so there james stood; with his three best friends on the hogwarts express headed back to school, chasing after someone who didnt want to be caught, and a war waging around him

james was right back where he started, yet somehow everything was different
—
a/n: you all are so amazing. thank you for 5k reads i can hardly believe it has that many at all. and ik i asked you guys to trust where im taking this and im telling you to please have faith in me. i know its about the third painful chapter in a row now but again i have this mapped out. itll be worth it<3