favorite liar | jegulus

twenty one

a/n: again just bear with me please. i have this all mapped out
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the days leading up to christmas were extremely draining for james. it was supposed to be the best holiday to date. but without regulus around he had no idea what to do with himself

as the days past he felt more and more alone despite being with his best friends in the world. he wanted nothing more than to lay his head in regs lap and watch him read or feel his fingers run their way through his hair

he had already read the catcher and the rye at least three times over, he lost count. running around with pete remus and sirius even took a toll on him, sleeping more than two hours was rare, and he had completely lost his appetite

it had started out slowly, thats how depression hits. it started by tiring him out and reducing the hours of sleep he got. then he lost motivation and interests in things one by one. and by the end of it he forget to take care of himself, brushing his teeth, drinking water, eating, it all becomes too much

everyone slowly caught on too. james was the last one up, his dark circles got worse as the days went on, he only ate dinner if that, and he had not showered once since he had been home

nobody pushed his limits, though. remus would stay up and read to him until he fell asleep, pete would make him tea every night because it was supposed to help you sleep, sirius would wash james' hair in the sink, everyone did their best to make things easier on james

by the time it was christmas morning james had hit rock bottom but he was through with being a burden to everyone

he thought of regulus, brave regulus; the boy who willingly returned to his abusive home in order to protect james and sirius. the boy who almost threw himself off the astronomy tower but found the strength to endure life. the boy he was completely head over heels in love with

he knew that if regulus was able to put on a mask so believable, he should be able to manage for at least a few hours. he had to, he had to. he was not letting this christmas become a 'james potter pity party'

he got up before everyone else on christmas morning heading straight for the shower. it had never felt so good to be completely submerged hot water. if he had known how easily a shower could boost his mood he would have done it first thing

once he was clean and smelling fresh he threw on some nice jeans, his christmas sweater before heading down stairs

there he whipped up breakfast for everyone. scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, and even remus' favorite type of toast. he started a pot of coffee and got hot water ready so pete could have some tea

he knew they did it all for him expecting nothing in return but he still wanted to thank them, make it up to them, and express his immense gratitude

"james where are you?" sirius called from upstairs his voice groggy

"kitchen," james replied as he finished setting the table and laying out the meal

"woah," sirius beamed standing in the doorway of the kitchen, still in his pajamas. "feeling better eh?"

james smiled genuinely for the first time in days as he set down the last tray of food, "happy christmas sirius!"

sirius came further into the kitchen, "all this just for us?" he raised an eyebrow

"you deserve it after the mess ive put you through all because of regulus," james sighed as he placed the silver wear on the table

sirius patted him on the back, "its understandable james really. i used to get this way when things happened with me and reggie."

"really?"

"oh yea, its common. its like grieving or whatever, happens to plenty of people. but youll see him again, quicker than you think," sirius admitted with a soft smile

"morning boys," remus grinned as he and pete made their way into the kitchen dressed and ready for the day

"see youre still sleepy?" remus teased slipping his arm around sirius' waist

sirius frowned playfully, "i didnt realize breakfast was formal today."

"really?" remus kept on, "the former black heir didnt know to dress for the occasion."

james and pete chuckled light heartedly. sirius and remus' banter always brightened the day and put a smile of everyones faces

"see youre feeling better," pete smiled brightly at james

james nodded, "loads. and besides regulus would come if something happened, im sure of it."

"yea, he would." they all smiled and nodded in agreement. it was sincere too. no lingering feeling of doubt. everyone was secure in the statement

"i see youre all up," mr. potter said coming downstairs. "happy christmas!"

his parents entered the kitchen hand in hand beaming at the misfits standing in their kitchen

"oh blimey whats all this?" mrs. potter asked finally catching sight of the table full of food

"james made breakfast!" pete announced as he started making a cup of tea

"ohh dear," mrs. potter smiled hugging her son. "how wonderful. its lovely, common boys lets eat."

they all sat down and ate the meal james cooked for them. he found himself unable to stop smiling as he looked around at them

"thanks james," his father said filling his plate

"yea mate this is brilliant," sirius commented

pete took a seat with his cup of tea, "woah you even made moony his toast!"

remus blushed, "cheers!" he nodded at james who nodded back

"happy christmas," mrs. potter smiled

"happy christmas!" they all said in unison before diving into their plates

life moved in slow motion that day. it was a day james remembered well and always would. he could retell every little detail of the day like it had happened only moments ago

even though he was at his happiest his heart still ached. it ached for regulus' touch, his smile, his knowledge, his fluffy raven hair, his presence, and the his arms felt like james' true home