Fate Worse Than Death

The Coming of the Dark

Finn's POV :

Days have passed since Clarke's unexpected visit. Oh how her warmth revived my comfort, in a place that is meant to be my doom. I wish she had not come, for her heart reminds me of how little I deserve it. How I've lost it. How much it hates me now. Her words had no meaning, no truth, but yet some strange part of me wants to believe she is truthful about her love for me. How unworthy I am of Clarke to put herself in danger to see me, I wish she didn't care, I wish I could die. But seems God is a fickle fool to my peace. That's all that was on my mind, her warmth hair mixing with her tears and of the fear of her being hurt for seeing me. When she was dragged out of the cell, all the blows in the world couldn't take my mind off of her and her safety. When she returned her image was blurry for the beating left me unable to open my left eye. Her kiss on my lips was not the usual comfort and warmth, but it was further punishment for my sins, god taunts me with my love for her and dangles her in front of me knowing that I've lost her , that I can not have her, and she hates me. For Those once loving eyes have filled with pain and hatred BECAUSE OF ME. I know not what is worse agony, the constant brutal torture of which I am to endure every day and see the pain it brings to those who care, or being left for days in this cold cement room with nothing but my mind to punish me.

You pathetic waste of space!!! You deserve to die! Clarke doesn't love you, end it already and help them all. No she cares she told me so. No she told you that to make you feel better about yourself. You're a murderer!!! You killed children! I'm sorry,I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The guards outside my door grow annoyed with my weeping and mumbling to my self. What did I do?!? What did I do! What did I do. I'm a monster....I'm a monster. The air in my lungs begin to escape, my heart pumps through my chest, and my feet give way. I can't help but curl my self up trying to calm my self down but can only mumble and weep to myself. The shaking in my body hurt every wound on my body but the agony of the battle in my mind drowns out the physical pain I'm in. 6 days!!! 6 days of nothing other than my own thoughts to keep me company, making me go more mad each day. I can't take it anymore!!! The bang of the cell door opening brings me back into reality but without a chance to speak A bag is placed on my head and am dragged upstairs to the ground. The bag is dusty and rough, the wounds on my face burn at the rubbing of the bag against my skin. I can see nothing out of the the small holes of the woven bag but can hear shout and chants as a grounder leads me through them. Without warning, I am shoved and fall on my knees. I can still not see but I can hear laughter from the grounders near but the voices aren't moving closer. The bright sun blinds me as the bag is ripped off of my head. The rays of the bright sun block my view of what is around me but as they adjust I see that I am in corralled in the same fence that I trapped the murdered in. Grounders crowd the wooden fence cheering and chanting. I turn to see Lexa up on her throne spectating, so I know I'm not alone.

"Jus drein jus daun! Jus drein jus daun !" the chanting begins as I turn to see Nyko in the fence with me. The anger and fury in his eyes was so soul piercing, I tried to back away as he stepped forward but tripped on my own feet, falling on my bum looking up at an enraged Nyko.

"Nyko you will be given the chance for justice as a thank you for bringing him back to meet his fate" Lexa stands from her throne speaking to the grounder villagers as they cheer. " ONLY one rule!!! You will not kill him." With that chatter fills the air with protest as Lexa silences them, " you can get however close to death as you want, but he will live with what he's done and he'll suffer more than we could ever cause." Lexa sits back down nodding for the start. All attention is on me as Nyko lifts me up from the ground and slams me onto the hard stones beneath us. I have no time to even interpret the pain as Nyko grabs me by the collar Clarke's shirt. I forgot I had it on, since it's been almost a week since Clarke came. Her shirt that was so warm and smelled just like her was now drench in blood and my own vomit from the days prior. I still haven't been able to keep my food down still and this beating has reopened my infected wounds. The opened wounds and puss seep through Clarke's shirt which only enrages me further. He ruining Clarke's shirt! Without thinking I strike Nyko back in the face. The village gasp in shock as Nyko takes a step back to collect himself. In those few seconds I realize how big of a mistake I made. Nyko knocks me back down, pounding his fist onto my face over and over.

With each blow I remember little bits of my life, the moments that meant the most. I feel the life begin to drain out of me as I am being tossed around the fence like a rag doll. My body can't take the pain anymore. You deserve this. Die already. Stop fighting it. Your a monster! This time Nyko draws out a small dagger and picks me up by the neck.

"Do it, kill me. Please." I plead tired of it all and wanting it all over. Confusion strikes Nyko as I beg.

"Enough!" I hear Lexa stand from her throne as Nyko hesitantly obeys and throws me face down on the ground. The chanting and cheers turning in to mumbling as they left. My body was frail and I raised my head to see a figure watching from the woods. My face was newly beaten and aching that I couldn't see clearly but I knew who it was. It was Clarke. Clarke was on her knees crying in the forest trying not to be seen. Her face was so red and puffy I wanted to go to her but my body couldn't get up. Lexa orders a couple of grounders to put back in the cell and am dragged back into the cold ,damp ,vomit covered coffin that was my home. My body was so tired, so in pain, each breath hurt my chest as I laid my face onto the cold floor. You should've died! Die already! You are only a burden. Yes I am. I gave up fighting my mind, I knew they were true. As I fell into darkness I had only one thought.

If they won't kill me........ I will.