Fate Worse Than Death

Mind Games

Finn's POV:

My world spins as I watch Bellamy lay Clarke down as Jackson starts compressions. The very thought of losing Clarke was far more painful than any of my beatings and cuts. Bellamy and I exchange worried glances until Jackson speaks for a trembling Abby.

"We need to get her into medical in Arcadia. I need the equipment in there if she's going to survive." Jackson insist on Kane.

"If the grounders are near they'll see us. They could attack again." Kane adds.

"To hell with them. Let them come if they're still here. Clarke is dying! That's a good enough reason to me." Bellamy commands as he grabs a stretcher and places Clarke on. I immediately rush to his help as we head back to Arcadia before Kane stops it. Jackson and the remaining of the Arcadians rush down with us. Time ticks as we enter a trashed and looted Arcadia. Constant ticking rings in my head, every tick is another second lost, a second that could mean life or death for the girl I love. Bellamy and I rush as we lay Clarke down in medical as Abby and Jackson push us out of their way as they work. Bellamy's eyes are fill with worry as he stares at an unconscious Clarke. My breath quickens at the speed of my heart, the world around me collapsing. I can't lose her. *whispers* It is you who should be dying not her. You're still a murderer, you deserve it not her. My brain aches as I fight my own mind trying to breath. The air inside medical grows thin, too thin, the walls come closing in around me. The pain becomes to much as I rush outside falling onto the ground trying to bring myself back to reality. Kane shorty follows with Bellamy at his side.

"Boys, search the woods. We need to make sure they aren't in the woods waiting."Kane instructs both as he leans in to whisper at me. "It'll help you breathe " with a pat on the back Kane leaves as Bellamy and I make our way out of the gates.

"Take this." Bellamy hands me his handgun forcefully. Annoyance strikes across his face as I back away.

"It's not a good idea." I brush him off as I continue to walk into the humid forest.

"You've got to stop doing that" Bellamy catches up to me not even looking at me.

"Doing what?" Confused I ask.

"Pitying yourself, you've been forgiven, you paid your punishment and if you don't stop you're gonna get Clarke killed one day"Bellamy's words ring with truth inside my mind, I know it to be true but fighting it all is a whole different battle.

"You're right," Bellamy turns stunned by my words, "I have to stop pitying myself, but I swear to you I am trying. Not just for Clarke but for me too, every day since the massacre it felt like I was loosing my mind more and more each day" I pause as my voice begin to cracks showing the emotion I wished to hide. "I just don't want anyone else hurting because of me. But it's been better since Clarke punched me." I laugh it off rubbing the back of my neck. "The only thing left are a few panic attacks but Abby's been giving me meds to help." I put out my hand and finally accept Bellamy's hand gun. But his face completely flips from annoyed to caring yet worried as he thinks.

"Finn you don't have to, it's fine we can just stick together as we search" I shake my head declining his offer.

"We need to get back quick in case Clarke worsens, it's fine I'll take the left woods." I load the hand gun preparing Bellamy for what to look for. We both make our way out to our sides of the forest searching for any sign of grounders near. After an hour patrolling I begin heading back. The smooth breeze against my face puts me at peace as I continue walking through the majestic dark forest. The forest that we still know nothing about, that's what makes it more beautiful, the unknown. The rough bark of the trees brush against my finger tips as I examine the beautiful of Mother Nature's creation, the unique patterns on each tree and how it is still standing after all it has gone through. The crackle of a snapped twig turns my head instantly. I lower my handgun when I see it is only a grounder boy. He speaks not but only stares as he looks at himself, when a crimson color seeps through his clothing. With one glance at me he falls onto the ground. I run to his side as I apply pressure to the wounds but the blood does not stop, it spills over my hands as I try to comfort the boy as tears build up in his pleading eyes. Blood begins to pour from his lips as he tries to speak. I leaned in to hear him speak but no sound came out of his moving lips. There was nothing.