Fate Worse Than Death

New Tidings

Finn's POV:

The earth beneath my feet feels loose and ever breaking with each step. My body still fragile from the days before, wanting to collapse onto the floor and rest, however Monroe ignores my calls to stop and pushes forward. They can't take me! This will break the alliance. I'm not worth it! Let me die already. LET ME DIE!

"s-s-stop!" I whimper as I am being dragged by my arms. "Please." My words have become faint and weak, I feel life begin to slip as I continue to fight the escape.

"Finn let us help. The alliance's is already lost, Clarke sent us. You would be killed if we didn't get you." Monroe begs of me to stop resisting as she lets my pulse strengthen before we enter the bunker.

"Let me die.... Let me ...." Was all I could manage to get out before falling into the darkness. I awake to Monroe and her group huddled in a corner of the bunker, Clarke and I's bunker. Where some of my favorite and worst memories are set. A ringing in my head is eminence and throbbing.

"Hey" Monroe speaks at a hushed tone for she can see the pain I'm in, "we have a lot of questions but we need to get Clarke here first" at the sound of Clarke's name, fear and guilt strikes my being.

"n-n-no. Y-you can't. I'll only cause more problems. Y-you have t-to take me back" the shivering in my body won't stop for my body has lost too much blood, is starving, and cold.

"We can't do that Finn. Here take this in case anyone comes in while we're gone." Monroe pulls out a pistol and motions me to take it. Gun! The very sight of it brings back flashbacks of that morning I took 18 lives. 18! *gunshot after gunshot * I couldn't stop. I couldn't.... I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry! *gunshot* you're a murderer! You deserve to die! Yes...yes I do! I deserve to die. *screams, constant screams* stop! Just stop! Leave me alone! Leave me! A heavy weight falls upon my chest knocking all air out of my lungs. However there is no physical object cause this, only my mind. I back away hyperventilating as I trip onto the cold cement floor. My mind won't stop spinning as Monroe try's to figure out what is happening.

"Please....please kill me. I beg of you. Killl me, kill me, kill me." I beg under my breath curled into fetal position. Concern washes over everyone's face until Monroe speaks again.

"Okay. Finn I'm putting it away." Monroe puts away the gun slowly, which brings me a bit of comfort. " Charlie will stay with you until we come back." Monroe points to a boy a few years younger than I with dark matted hair. I only nod as Monroe and the rest of her team head out of the bunker, leaving Charlie and I. The rotting smell of the grounder body that I killed looking for Clarke, is over bearing for both of us. It's as if Charlie can read my mind as he takes the body outside and hides it. I do not keep my eyes open long enough to see him return but when I open my eyes again, it is to Clarke looming over me with her cold, soft hands on my face and all the others gone.

"Hi" Clarke smiles at me as she helps me sit up. I still can't look her in the eye but I feel her mood shift suddenly. "Well here I brought u some berries, from the looks of it you seem to have missed a few meals." Clarke try's to lighten up the mood as she jokes but I just can't seem to break out of it.

"Why?" I mumble just loud enough for her to hear ?

"Why what? Finn I can't understand if you won't even look at me." I hear Clarke begin to tear up as she sits on the couch beside me.

"Why did you take me. This will ruin the alliance. More people will die because of me. Just by living I cost so many." From the back of my head I hear Clarke break into quiet sobs. I turn and get on my knees no matter how painful, and grab Clarke's face in my hand. "Hey what's wrong?" I wipe her tears with my thumb as she leans into the cup of my hand.

"I had to! I had to. Lexa left me no other choice. I-" she is cut off by her loud sobbing. So I get up ignoring the pain and hold Clarke tight against my chest as she cries. "All those people... kids... people who helped us. All of them, dead. I killed them. What did I do?!?!" Clarke continues to cry into me for a while longer as I hold her tightly.

"Shhhh, Clarke listen. I'm sure you did what you had to. I don't know what happened but maybe you could clear it up for me later," I reassure her in a hushed voice "you're not a murderer. You're Clarke Griffin, the smart, responsible, annoyingly stubborn girl that kept us alive on the ground. I hold Clarke face up to look at me so she knows I mean it. " you're the same Clarke that I love." Clarke smiles at me as I wipe her tears away and get her a blanket. Clarke falls sleep in my arms as I hold her and remind her that she is not alone. Once her soft snores that I love fill the quiet of the bunker I whisper to a sleeping Clarke, " You're not a monster Clarke, I am. I'm not going to let anyone else get hurt. If the alliance is gone then I'll wait a bit longer but when the opportunity comes, I will die for this alliance. We need it. They deserve justice. I can't hurt you after I'm gone." I fall asleep as well and what seems like hours later, Clarke moves as she awakens.
Clarke's POV:

I carefully tried to get up without waking up an peaceful Finn. This is the most at peace I've seen him since before the Mountain Men took me and the other 48 remaining delinquents. Every now and then Finn would tense up through the night but I was right here to hold him till it passed. It's only been a day since I murdered all those people in Mount Weather but the memories continue to haunt me, the screams of mothers and children as the radiation slowly killed them, the bodies covered in radiation burns, and that I had to turn my back on those who helped us.  I felt so lost, so alone, so scared but for once it felt as if the old Finn was here. The Finn I fell in love with, the Finn who wanted and fought for peace, the boy who never failed to make me laugh was standing in front of me as I fell apart. His arms wrapped around me as I slept were so warm and protecting. I wanted the moment to last forever but reality crawled it's way back into my mind as I realized that this is only the start of making sure Finn is safe. But my movements waken Finn up regardless.

"Hey" Finn smirks at me as we both get up from the couch. Finn's face is covered in dried blood and scabs from his beatings but I can only see the boy I love.

"I need to clean your wounds before we leave for Arkadia. Can I ....um .... lift your shirt?" I ask for his permission to check to which he only nods. I lift his blood mixed with vomit stiff shirt to see his wounds healing, but I can't help and notice that his stab wound that I made has now covered itself with flesh but the area around the wound is bruised and showing the bruising of his veins near his gut. It's almost as Finn can see how much I'm disturbed by seeing what I've done to him, as he takes the cleaning rag himself and cleans it up himself. Finn continues to hiss in pain until all his wounds have been cleaned. I've been able to clean up some of the blood on his face but I could only clean enough of it to be able to recognize Finn under all the bruises and cuts. I help Finn up the ladder and out of the bunker. Then I place his arm over me to help him on our slow walk back to Arkadia. When we reach being in sight of the gate the guards draw their guns until my mom orders them to open the gate. The guards stare at us in shock as they open the gates. I forgot that everyone thought Finn was dead. We told no one after we found out he was alive, not even my mother. Finn has become a stumbling mess from the walk. He can barely stand up yet alone stay conscious. As the gates open, a curious growing group gathers at the front with my mother at the head of it. Everyone stands still in shock and disbelief as I walk in with Finn at my side. Bellamy and Raven quickly push through the crowd to help me get Finn into medical. Hoping it will be enough to keep him alive.