I watched as the caller I.D on my phone flashed 'Matt' again. I'm taking the cowards way out, avoiding him at all costs, because i'm still completely torn about what to do. I really don't want him to lose his job, the guilt would eat me forever until there was none of me left, plus he could go to prison for dating his student, that would make me even guiltier. That's what my logical side is telling me, but my illogical side is begging me to answer his calls, and begging me to spill my feelings to him, admit that I like him back. So whilst my 2 sides battle against eachother i've been avoiding him 24/7. It's been pretty easy so far, school is out for a month for christmas and new year, and the only time I had to see him since his confession was the day after, the last day of school. The awkward tension between us was horrible, it made me feel guilty for ignoring him. Now it's been about 5 days and he's been calling me everyday, multiple times a day trying to talk to me. He has even come over a couple of times but I always pretend i'm not home and just wait in a corner until he's gone. Since my dad's coming home soon for christmas, i'm alone until then and let me tell you, being stuck inside sucks. I can't go outside because i'm afraid he'll see me, and since he lives just down the street that is entirely possible. So after days of living in a messy house and dressing like a hobo, I think now is the time to clean the house.
After collecting the supplies required to clean the kitchen I rolled up the sleeves of my baggy jumper and set to work, humming to myself. I had barely started when my phone rang, expecting it to be Matt I was just going to hit the decline button but when I saw the name I quickly answered it.
"Hey Mike!"
"Hey Kate, what are you doing right now?"
"Cleaning the house, why?"
"I was going to ask you to come hang out but don't worry about it. Spoken to Matt recently?" I became slightly suspicious but shrugged it off.
"Not really. I don't know what to do," I admitted truthfully.
"Do you like him?"
"I think so,"
"Then go for it! Tell him!"
"It's not that simple though. If we get caught he'd lose his job and he could go to prison. The guilt would actually kill me! ANd if you tell Matt any of this then i'll kill you!"
"I understand but you have to give him a chance. He's been a mess ever since you shot him down."
"I didn't 'shoot him down' , I merely said I had to think about it."
"Yeah, you shot him down."
"Whatever."
"Look, just give him a chance, dopn't let fear stop you from missing out on something great, and Matt is a great guy. Don't lose what you have with him over something as stupid as fear." Hearing it like that really put it into perspective for me. Mike is right, I shouldn't let fear make my decisiopns for me, I should be making the decisions based on what I want.
"You know Mike, you've been really helpful. Next time we hang out i'll buy you a hotdog."
"Sweet, free hotdog. We should hang out soon, i'll text you."
"Cool, talk to you later,"
"Bye." Maybe Matt and I can hang out sometime, that would be nice.
Right as I had restarted cleaning the kitchen the door bell rang. I dropped everything and jogged to the door, pulling it open just in time to wish that I hadn't.
"Oh, um hey Matt," I said awkwardly, internally kicking myself for openning the door. The one time my brain is too caught up in thinking about him to warn me it is him standing at my door waiting.
"Hey Kate, finally home," he gave me the look that tells me he knew I was here every time he came by. I gave him a guilty smile.
"Mind if I come in?" The way I see it I have 2 options. 1 let him in or 2, slam the door in his face and run into my corner to live there forever, or at least until he leaves. Since I know the second option would not only hurt his feelings even more, but also never work because he's way faster than me and would stop me in a heart beat, I decided to go with option 1.
"Sure," I said taking a step back and gesturing with my hand for him to enter. Then I remembered i've been living like a hobo and the lounge room is currently in no state for visitors.
"Wait, stop. Wait here for 2 seconds please?" Before waiting for an answer I sprinted into the lounge room and began clearing the clouch by throwing all the random pieces of clothing into the corner, and moving all the dirty dishes from the floor around the couch into a nice pile on the table. Ok so i'm lying, there's nothing 'nice' about that pile. I could see Matt standing in the doorway watching me with a smirk on his face, I spoke before he could.
"Shut up, don't speak." I could hear his quiet laughter and I froze for a second, realising how much I miss his laugh.
"Ok, sorry about the mess but I wasn't exactly expecting visitors," I said, plopping myslef down on the now clean couch. He didn't say anything, just sat beside me.
"Soo," I started, drawing out the 'o', "How've you been?" I asked, starting the small talk.
"I've been better, what about you?"I could feel his gaze on my face, but I kept my eyes forward.
"Me too."
"Why have you been avoiding me?" Straight to the hard question.
"I just needed time to think." I answered honestly, but realising that this is what I want, a chance to talk it out and justify my behaviour.
"Think about what? That I confessed my love to you and you left me hanging for days?" I winced slightly as his words hit home because I did that to my best friend.
"I'm sorry. I just didn't know what to do."
"And you though that hjiding and avoiding me was the answer. No Kate, talking about it is the answer, and you can talk to me about it. I don't know how you feel about me, I understand that you're probably scared and confused but rather than shut me out, let me help you. Because no matter what ever happens, i'll always be your best friend, i'll always love you, and i'll always be there for you. And that's a promise." I couldn't fight the tears that fell, I just let them drop into my lap and asked no one in particular what I did to deserve some one like Matt.
I felt his warm arms wrap around me and pull me into his chest and I didn't fight it. I didn't want to. I felt warm, and as cheesy as it sounds I felt sparks, so I didn't fight it, I welcomed his embrace.
Tell me what you're thinking," he whispered into my hair. I shivered when his cool breathe hit my scalp.
"I'm wondering what someone like me did to deserve someone like you."
"You really don't see yourself very clearly. You have no idea how beautiful and amazing you are. I have to ask you something, Kate. ANd please answer honestly, no matter what." I knew what he would ask, but I found myself nodding my head for him to ask.
"Do you like me?" I knew he wasn't talking about friendship, and I won't let the fear control me this time, he deserves an answer.
"Yes, I do like you." I said, looking into his eyes. I saw the happiness in his eyes and I felt it radiating from his skin.
"Then why fight it?"
"Because it shouldn't be. You shouldn't like me, and I shouldn't like you. You deserve some one so much better. Some one you can tell the world about, someone you can talk out in public, you deserve someone who's not a loser, someone who's not me."
"But don't you see Kate? I don't care about any of that. All I care about is you. I don't care that until you finish school we have to travel a few towns over so we aren't seen, All that matters is that I get to hold you in my arms, I can kiss you, I can make you happy. Love isn't about taking your girlfriend out for tea, it's about making tea for your girl friend. It's about smiling, and lauging, and having fun making memories together. That's what matters Kate, I don't need any of that other stuff because I have you. So please give me a chance to prove to you i'm not joking, because you mean so much to me and not talking to you sucks. So please, let me take you on a date, for the new year. What do you say?" No one has ever said something so sweet to me in my entire life. I didn't even have to think about it.
"Yes." I said confidently, crawling up to sit on his lap and burying my face in his neck, his arms wrapped around me so we stayed like that for a while, just sitting there in a tight embrace, feeling warmer than I have for a long time.
So here it is, the next chapter, finally updated! Hopefully I will update again on new years, since I didn't do a christmas chapter. I couldn't update in time for christmas so that's why it hasn't happened in this story yet. Sorry for any confusion. But they're finally together! I'm really happy! Vote and comment please! :D
