Sugar High

My Internal Organs Are Freaking Out Right Now

Sitting at my kitchen island, I hear my front door open and then close and I rest my head against my hands as I steel myself for the hell that i am about to unleash

What I am about to try to do I have tried before but it was never pretty and never successful but this time I need it to succeed where I have only ever failed before.

"Hi boo" says Carmen as she slips off her coat and begins undoing the buttons of her see through white shirt that she wore sans bra

"Stop!" My hand shoots up, palm facing the girl preparing to get naked in front of me "That's not what this is about. Fasten your shirt and sit down" I don't mean to sound as harsh as I do but my nerves are shot. This was only ever going to end one way, messy or very messy

"What's up baby?" she asks dropping a kiss in to my hair and I physically have to stop myself from swatting her face away with my hands

"Sit" 

She sits on the black bar stool and crosses her legs, purposefully giving me an eye full of the red panties that lie beneath the short, mustard coloured skirt she is wearing.

"So you called me here for something other than sex, should I get excited?" her blue eyes shine bright as the corner of her lips begin to curl upwards

"No"

"Well then should I be worried?"

"It's over between us Carmen" I blurt it out, not waiting to find an appropriate moment or a softer way of approaching it. Once it is out there I can start dealing with the consequences

"No its not"

"Carmen, it has been over for pretty much the entire 2 years we have spent together" I admit, knowing how awful it sounds and knowing how it makes me seem but I need her to get it this time, I need her to understand and then to leave and never look back. I'm no good for her, in truth I'm no good for anyone but I am especially bad for her, because she lets me be, she lets me do whatever I want to her whenever I want and without any consequences, other than a rampage to clear up every now and then

"Tell me why"

"Because I don't love you, God, I barely like you most of the time. I'm 27 years old I want to be able to go out and see other girls without feeling this iron ball of guilt rolling around in my guts all the time"

"Callan, you have been 'seeing' other girls for pretty much our entire relationship, it's worked up until now, why change it?"

"Because I haven't been 'seeing' other girls Carmen, I have been 'fucking' other girls and there's a big difference"

"You've met someone..." her eyes narrow into slits as she looks at me accusingly

"... No" I know fine well it doesn't sound sincere but this isnt about Mila, this is about me freeing myself and freeing Carmen too. "I have spoken to your parents..."

"You what?!" Carmen flies out of her chair to my side and grabs my shoulder "What did you do that for?!"

"I..." I attempt to wriggle free of her grip but she grabs the other shoulder as her nails dig through my thin t-shirt and into my skin

"Do. Not. Do. This"

"Carmen..."

"Please Callan, don't do this to me, whatever I have done wrong I can change, I can be whoever you want me to be. The girl you've met, tell me about her, I will be her, tell me what she does that I don't and I will do it for you, anything you want, anything at all"

"I don't want you to be anyone for me" using more force than I want to I finally pry her off of me and and stand up, my height difference giving me the upper hand
"I don't want you Carmen, I shouldn't have used you the way I have"

"Baby please..." as her hand reaches for my groin I push it away and take a sharp step back "Callan!"

"Your parents are on their way to collect you to make sure you don't do anything silly"

"Callan no!"

"This is it Carmen, this is the end" as those words leave my tongue she flings herself at me, kicking and hitting, grabbing my hair and pulling until she had a handful of the dark locks. I wrestle with her, trying in vain to remove her from me. I don't want to hurt her, I know I have done that enough but as her nails claw down my face and her teeth sank into my shoulder I do the only thing I can , grab her roughly, throw her over my shoulder and carry her out of the front door, spotting her parents red BMW I carry her to it, her father jumping out and helping Me to wrestle her into the vehicle, whilst Carmen screams and cries and curses the entire time.

*********

"Hello?"

"Screw the double date, call him and tell him you aren't going because you're coming out with me instead"

Please don't argue Mila, I'm not in the fucking mood for it

"Is that your way of saying dump your date and come have sex with me?"

God this girl knows me too well already

"No, it's my way of saying don't go to dinner with some loser when you can come to dinner with a handsome, rich, hot winner in life like me" I hear her breath catch and the lack of a witty retort means she's catching my drift, message being received loud and clear.

"A date?" the surprise in her voice is comical and it lifts my mood which has been flat ever since my altercation with Carmen

"Fuck Mila, don't call it that otherwise I'm gonna have to change my mind"

"So what should I call it then?" her voice is light and seductive and its quickly becoming my favourite sound

"Just call it dinner and a fuck and leave it at that" I cringe at the crassness of my own words but she said 'date' and I had no choice but to rebel

"Okay to dinner, maybe to the fuck and you have yourself a date" I hear her smiling at her own joke and I'm ready to cancel the whole thing but I just dumped my girlfriend, I haven't had sex with anyone other than Mila since my disasterous attempt with Frankie, I guess I can let her call it a date and not freak out, even though all of my internal organs are indeed freaking out right now