Ash x Eiji one-shots

The day I truly lost myself.

yes yes this one is sad. but i promise the next one will be fluffy. and thank you sm for all the reads! i wasn't expecting that. also a little background information: this chapter is supposed to be set like a few days or so after Eiji found out about Ash in the last chapter. I was gonna do this one first but i forgot.

EIji's Pov

I'm back in New York. It feels like I was just here yesterday. Walking along the streets with Ash. But now, everything here just feels dull. It feels like New York lost it's light. I know that Ash wasn't always full of light. I know that there were times where his mind was the darkest place you could imagine. But, he was also filled with so much light. Today's the day i have been dreading ever since i found out about Ash. It's his funeral. I'm far from ready to say goodbye to him. I just can't. But, I have to speak at his funeral. I have so much to say, but i'm not sure if i can say it all without breaking down in front of everyone. But, on the birght side, if there even is one, i get to see everyone again. Max, Jessica, and Micheal are going to be there too so i guess that's something to look forward to..I just wish we were seeing each other again under better circumstances. Me and Ibe have been staying in a hotel near where Ash's funeral will be held. We're currently on our way to his funeral. Last night, Ibe was telling me that i should have wrote my speech down. But i dont think i'll need to write it down. Everything that i say, will come right from my mind and heart. I could write a million speeches about him, but my mind is the biggest speech of all. And i dont want what i say to be rehearsed and written on paper. I'll be fine. I know exactly what i'm going to say. While we are there for Ash, we will also get to visit Skipper, Shorter, And Griffin. They were buried in the same place that Ash will be buried in. So will visit them as well. I was brought out of my thoughts when i saw that we had arrived at the grave site.

At the funeral

Eiji's Pov

It was almost my turn to speak. The man hosting the funeral had already gone through all the basic stuff that is said at funerals. Individual speeches just began. The first one to speak is Max. Jessica and Micheal are going up there with him, but i don't think they are going to speak.

Max's Pov

I just got up to the podium with Jessica and Micheal. Time to start. "I feel like Ash would hate the fact that we are all here and focusing on him. He probably wants all of us to move on. But that boy has no idea how hard it's going to be to do that. I think we can all agree that Ash has been through a lot. When i first met him, i could tell that he had it rough. (not Eiji's song playing while im writing this-) After being around him more and getting to know him a little better, I wanted to always be there for him. I feel like he didn't have the best relationship with his parents, so in a way i think i wanted to try and be a father figure for him. I knew that i probably couldn't do that. But I could still be there for him as much as possible. I can speak for everyone when i say that he deserved so much better. As much as I want him to still be here, and get a new start, i know he's at rest now. I'll leave it there. Thank you." I said as i stepped away from the podium. As me and Jessica were walking away, we noticed that Micheal was still up there. "Hey buddy we got to go sit back down now." I said while motioning him over. "Can i say something to everyone before we sit down?" He said. "I guess it would be fine but are you sure you want to?" I said looking at him worryingly. "Im sure." He said while walking over the the podium. "Okay I'm going to go up there with him so i can lift him up to the mic, you can go sit down if you want to." I said to Jessica while walking back over to Micheal. "I'll go too." She said while following me up there. I lifted Micheal up a little so he could reach the mic. "Whenever you're ready buddy." I whispered in his ear. He nodded and started, "I have only met Ash one time, but I just wanted to say that he was very nice to me. There were bad guys who hurt my mom and Ash talked to me while the cops were in there talking to my mom and dad. He was just so nice to me!" I noticed that he started to  cry a little bit so i picked him up and we started walking back to our seats. Everyone clapped. It was now Eiji's turn. I hope he's gonna be okay.

Eiji's Pov

It was my turn. I began to walk to the podium. Once i got there, i cleared my throat and began talking. "I agree with Max, Ash probably doesn't want us to be held up on him. But for today, I think it's okay. And by the way, those were great speeches. I met Ash by coming to New York for photography. I'm so happy that i came. While being without him is hard, i was so glad to know him. Ash did have a rough life. Anyone could see that. But despite all of that, there was a side to him that people couldn't see. A side where he would show his feelings, and act like a teenage boy would. Ash would always ask me, "Are you scared of me", or, "Did i scare you". I was never once scared of him. I always felt so safe with him. I hated that he thought he was a monster." I had to pause because i felt tears well up in my eyes, some falling down my face. But i kept going. "He was far from a monster. He was perfect, and still is. Everything that happened in his life wasn't his fault. Everything that he did, he really didn't have control over. He didn't have a choice. If he didn't fight back, he would have been killed a lot sooner. I was always so proud of him. He was so strong. He'd been through hell and back but he still fought so hard. He's truly the strongest person i've ever met. I would do anything for him. I would quite literally bleed myself dry for him. (yellow started playing and i just had to- im sorry)I mean he saved my life. There's so much i could say about him. But if i say all that i feel, we would be here for years." I said while chuckling a little, still crying. Everyone else laughed as well. "When i found out about Ash i refused to believe it. He had already been gone for about 2 weeks when i found out. That's actually why it took so long to have the funeral. No one had the heart to tell me until it just had to be said. I'm not mad at anyone for not telling me sooner. I get it. I just wish he could have been put to officially rest sooner. But to sum it up, (yes i am about to use that one tiktok audio, again im so sorry for this-) Now you know there was a man named Aslan Jade Callenreese. And that he saved me. In every way that a person can be saved." I said while stepping away and walking back to my seat next to Ibe. Everyone was clapping, some were crying. After Ash was buried, we were gathered around his grave stone. Which was right next to Griffin, Shorter, and Skipper. By this point, I was crying hard. I just couldn't control it. After everyone paid their respects, they started to leave. I had asked to be alone for a little bit. And everyone understood and left to go talk somewhere else. I sat down in front of all of their graves. "I know it's probably weird to talk to grave stones. (btw i just remembered that shorters body was actually burned so lets just say that they just put the grave stone there as memorial.) But i feel like i should. I wanna start out by saying sorry to all of you. I cant help but feel like it's my fault. Skipper, I'm sorry that because you were protecting me that you were put in that situation. You didn't deserve to die that young. I am so sorry. And shorter, I'm sorry that you had to betray you're best friend just to keep me safe. I'm so sorry that you went through all of that. You didn't deserve it either. And Griffin, I didn't really know you at all, but i know you were important to Ash. I;m sorry that i led bad guys to you. I'm sorry that you died like that.  You also didn't deserve it. And Ash, god where do i start. You're so important. And everything that happened wasn't your fault. I know that you blame yourself. Especially for Shorter's death. But if you hadn't killed him, he would have been in pain for the rest of his time being alive. You know he wouldn't have wanted that. I wish there was a way to have kept him alive and gotten him back to normal, but you know that it just wasn't an option. And no one else's death was your fault either. When i got shot, it wasn't your fault. I chose to cover you. And i still stand by that. I just wanted you to be safe. I can't stay long, i think it'll be too hard. And i know you wouldn't want me to stay if it's too hard. But just know that I love you. So much. You are so worth it, and you're still so strong. I hope you're happy now. But i do have one regret. I wish i never taught you 'Sayonara'. I'll come and visit soon. Goodbye Shorter, Skipper, and Griffin." I said. Here comes the hardest part of the day. "Goodbye Aslan. I love you so much." I said while getting up and walking away. In that moment, I realized things would never be the same. I would never be the same.

I'm honestly so sorry for this but i had the idea and had to do it. i hope you enjoyed, i promise the next one will be happy. I think this one might be my longest chapter lol. anyways i hope you all have a good day/night! feel free to dm or comment requests! :) ps its like 4:58 am and i dont feel like proofreading this so im sorry in advance for spelling errors.