Ash x Eiji one-shots

I think they are beautiful.

hi, it's been a while since i've updated so i thought i would before i get busy again this weekend (look at the end pls!) :))

TW! THIS ONE-SHOT DOES MENTION SCARS/SH, AND MENTIONS OF ASH'S PAST, IF THIS IS TRIGGERING TO YOU, PLEASE DONT READ!

Ash's Pov:
I've been happier then I have ever been in my entire life recently. Being away from New York, and just being with Eiji really changed my life. I'm very grateful for Eiji and everything he's done for me. It's just that there are still some things that he doesn't know about me. Honestly I think he knows everything, but this one thing that I can't bring myself to tell him. It would break his heart, and I don't want to cause him anymore trouble. I put him through hell back in New York. Everything that happened to him, it was all my fault. (just to clarify i don't believe at all that what happened to Eiji was Ash's fault, i just know that Ash thinks it is) He's told me a million times that he doesn't blame for anything, and some days i actually believe it, but on days like this i just don't. By days like this, I mean the days where I wake up from a nightmare, and have to go to the bathroom so I don't wake Eiji up. Sometimes he wakes up anyways, but he was really tired last night so i don't think he's going to be up for this one. My nightmare was the same as always, but slightly worse. It was all of my past just playing on a loop at first, but then it was me telling Eiji the thing that I don't want to tell him or show him. And he didn't take it well, in my dream he lashed out at me and was mad that i hadn't told him or delt with it better. I don't think Eiji would react like that, i genuinely just think he would be upset. And I don't want to ever see him sad. And another thing, i'm ugly with these scars. I don't want him to see them. It's multiple types of scars actually, most of them being from when I was raped so many times. I just remember that every time it happened, there were marks. Some would go away, others would stay and make a scar. The other part of those scars are from me hurting myself. I haven't done it since I was back in New York. I only did it then because I believed that it was my fault that everyone thought that they could do whatever they wanted to me. I thought it was all me. Eiji knows about those thoughts, he just doesn't know how i delt with them. I also remember doing it after I had to kill Shorter, and after I realized how much pain I caused for everyone. I thought I didn't deserve to be here at all, and I still think that sometimes. Like now especially. After the nightmare I just couldn't stop thinking about my past and all of my scars. Most of my scars are on my shoulders, stomach, arms, and a few on my legs. Somehow i've managed to keep them hidden from Eiji. I really hope it stays that way. I just don't want him to have to see them. I kept thinking about Eiji's different reactions when I heard footsteps coming to the bathroom. My eyes widened, and I leaned over to grab my shirt to put it back on. I had it off so I could look at my scars. Eiji didn't knock this time, and i know why. Eiji is pretty good with knowing when something's wrong. He just gets this feeling, and it's usually right. He walked in, and his eyes widened when I was messing with my shirt trying to get it fixed to where i could put it on. "Ash.." He said before waking over to me.

Eiji's Pov
I walked towards him, and asked for him to sit down. I didn't think he felt like walking back to the bed right now. After a few minutes I got him to stop apologizing, and to sit down. Now we're just sitting on the bathroom floor. "Okay, I have a pretty good idea about what most of these are, but I don't want to make assumptions about the ones that look like what I think they are. So i'm not going to say what i think they look like, i'm hoping you can tell me. I'm not mad, or upset. I just want to help you, and i want to be able to help you through anything. In order to do that, I need to know what these are. But you don't have to tell me now, just whenever you think you'd be ready. And remember that no matter what i'll always love you, and i'll always care about you. No matter what. That's a promise okay?" I said while gently grabbing his hand. He let me grab it, and he also held onto mine like a lifeline. "I think I can tell you. It's better to get it over with now I think. Most of these are just scars from when I was raped. But the other ones, the ones that you think look different i'm guessing, are ones from me hurting myself. I haven't done it since i've been here with you. I only did it New York. You know about all of those thoughts I had in New York right?" He asked while looking at the ground. "The ones about Shorter and how you felt like you were putting everyone through hell? And the ones about everything being your fault?" I asked while moving my thumbs back and forth on the back of his hand. "Yeah. Those are the reasons I would hurt myself. I was going to tell you but I didn't want to make you upset or anything. The only reason why I was even thinking about them now is because I had a nightmare about my past, and then it was just you at the end lashing out at me over my scars. I didn't think you'd actually react like that but it made me nervous. I'm really sorry that I didn't tell you but I just couldn't at the time. It feels good to tell you now though." He finished, with a deep exhale. I noticed that when he was talking he had started to shake a little bit, and he was struggling to get some of it out. I understand that talking about some of this stuff his hard for him, so i'm just glad that he feels safe enough to tell me. His breathing is also starting to get uneven. Which means it's the early stages of a panic attack. "Hey, hey look at me love." I said while gently grabbing his face. "It's not good for you to be sitting here and thinking about this, let's get you back to our room okay?" I said while he nodded and was reaching for his shirt. "We can get that later, i'll get you one of my hoodies to sleep in okay? If it gets to hot i can get you a tank top." I said while slowly standing up, and bringing him up with me. He kind of stumbled a little. "Sorry, i'm a little dizzy." He said while grabbing my hand. "It's okay baby, i'll also get you something to eat before you sleep again. Your blood sugar might be low. " I said, making sure to be gentle and use pet names i know he likes. It calms him. I got him back to the bed and got him to lay down. I walked over to my closet and grabbed him a hoodie of mine. I walked over and gave it to him. "Here, put this on. And, do you think you could eat or do you just want juice?" I said while stroking his hair. "Juice if it's not too much trouble.." He said while looking down and fiddling with his hands. "It's no trouble at all, don't worry about it my love." I said while kissing his head and leaving to get his juice. I got to the kitchen and got a glass out of the cabinet. I got the juice out and poured him like half a cup. I put the carton back in the fridge and walked back with the glass to bring it to Ash. I got back to him and gave him the juice. He thanked me and drank some of it and set it down on the bedside table. I then climbed in next to him in the bed. I gently pulled him closer to me, and he layed his head on my chest. I smiled and rubbed his back. " You wanna sleep or do you wanna watch a movie or something?" I asked him. "I'll try to sleep i think, thank you for helping me Eiji. I-i love you." He said while wrapping his arms around me. "I love you to Aslan. More then you'll ever understand. And i'm so proud of you. Your scars by the way, they are beautiful. They just show how much you've been through, they are a huge part of you. And i love every part of you, your scars being part of that. Your beautiful inside and out." I said while kissing his head. He was so tired that he fell asleep after mumbling a small 'thank you'. He fell asleep with a smile on his face, and i smiled at him smiling. At some point, i fell asleep, with my favorite person with me.

Sorry this i really rushed! I'm at my grandfathers and have to pay attention when his nurses are here, but i wanted to update! Thank you all so much for 10k! I hope you like this one, and please leave requests! I'm having writers block. Anyways i love you all, i hope you have a good day/night! <3