Ash x Eiji one-shots

Opening up

hi! thank you for 14k!! and this one if for @aditikoko
TW! MENTIONS OF EATING DISORDERS, NIGHTMARES & TRAUMA IF YOU FIND THESE THINGS TRIGGRING PLEASE DONT READ!

i hope you like it and if not I can always re-do it! <3

Ash's Pov

Lately I have been having a lot more nightmares than usual. I'm not sure why, since I'm not in New York anymore. In fact, I'm in japan, with Eiji. I know that what's happened to me will stick with me, but I didn't expect it to get worse when I was away from New York. I wouldn't say the nightmares are as bad as they have ever been, but they still are really bad and very frequent. I haven't told Eiji yet because I know he would be worried, and he would probably want me to talk to him about it. It's not that I don't want to talk to him about it, I just don't want to be bothering him or worrying him. He's currently doing laundry, I told him that I could help, but he said that he thinks that I need to rest. I haven't slept. I've just been laying here. I think he can tell that something is wrong, but he wont say that he knows. He'll probably wait and see if I tell him first. Which I might do, I know he would want me to talk to him about whatever is bothering me because that is the type of person that he is. He's such a good person, I want to be known as a good person to, but I don't think that will ever be possible. Eiji's very persistent on reminding me thst my past doesn't define me and that I am a good person. But I don't think i'll ever be able to make myself believe that. There is just too much that I have done. I want to talk to Eiji, and I think I will. He would want me to, and he has done so much for me. He deserves to know.

A few hours later

Still Ash's Pov:

Eiji came back from the laundry room after putting the baskets up. The first thing he noticed, was me, who was supposed to be sleeping, wide awake. As he walked over to me he said, "Couldn't sleep, huh?" I only shook my head as to say that I just couldn't sleep. There are times when I physically feel unable to talk. It's like my body just doesn't me to speak and that it wants me to remain quiet, or to just use as less words as possible. Eiji, knowing about these times, doesn't question why I didn't answer verbally. He never really questions my actions, he knows what they all mean. He understands when I'm sad, tired, happy, unable to talk, when I'm hiding something, or when i lie about eating. He knows everything. Which is why he knows right now that something is wrong with me. He is very good at reading me. He knows my feelings better then I do. So when he got to me, and sat on the bed, I wasn't surprised by what he said.. "Hey, I know something is bothering you. You don't have to tell me what it is, I would never force you. But if you'd like to talk about what's bothering you when you feel like you can talk, I am always willing to listen. Again, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, I just want you to know that you can always talk to me about anything. If you just want to do something to get your mind off of it or anything like that, that is fine too." He told me while leaning over from his spit beside me to kiss my head. I'm not in one of those times where I can't talk at all, i'm just extra quiet. Most of the time when i'm like this, it's because of my past. It usually something that makes me feel like I need to hide myself or stay quiet in order to protect myself. That's what I had to do as a kid so I tend to still do it out of habit. Eiji, knowing this as well as everything else, is more gentle with me then he normally is. I felt like I could talk, so I tired to speak. I turned around to face him, and slightly opened my mouth, attempting to talk. But I couldn't get any words to come out. Eiji took notice of this, and immediately reassured me that it was okay and that I could take as much time as I needed. That made me feel better, so I tried again, as Eiji sat there patiently and held my hand. He was also running his hands comfortably on my knuckles. He knows that calms me down. "I think I can talk now" I finally manged to get out, though it was very quiet and faint. But I know Eiji heard me because he squeezed my hand as to tell me that he heard me and that he was proud. "My nightmares are coming back. I know that I have them often, but they are worse and more frequent now. They aren't as bad as they've ever been, but still really bad. I've also been struggling with eating, and sleeping again. I've been trying it's just really hard right now. I know that you've noticed all of this, which is why I didn't want to tell you. Sometimes it's hard to talk about, especially when you see me when I'm weak. I don't want you to see me like this, or have to deal with me when I'm like this. It isn't fair to you. I've just been having too many of the moments where I can barley speak or not able to speak at all. There's no in between anymore, It's just can't talk, or cam barley utter a word. I'm trying though, this is the most iv'e talked in days. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner, I just didn't want to bother you or seem weak to you. I'm really sorry.." I muttered out, I was having a really hard time getting all of that out, and Eiji was quick to notice, like always and stopped me from trailing off into a huge apology. "Look at me love", he said while gently lifting my chin up. "You are not bothering me at all, you have never bothered me, and you never will. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. I am so proud of you for telling me all of this, your getting a lot better. I can definitely tell you that. And baby, you are not at all weak. You are the strongest person that I know. You've been through hell, anyone could see that. But you know what? That's what makes you who you are. You are such an amazing person, you care so much about the people that you love. The reason why your so kind towards me, and to the other people you love, is because of what you've been through. Believe me, if I could change your past, and give you a much better childhood, I would. I can't change the past, but I can help you now since I'm here. Going through what you went through, doesn't necessarily make you stronger, but it makes you wiser. You are extremely smart, kind, caring, and overall the best person that I know. That's all because of the hell you were put through. That doesn't mean that what you went through was right, don't ever think that. What you went through was wrong in every single way. You didn't deserve anything that you went through. But you are so strong. In every way possible If you weren't strong, you wouldn't be here, sitting next to me right now. You would have lost your battle a long time ago. But you were strong enough to make it to this point. And that is amazing. The nightmares, the eating issues, talking issues, and sleep problems, can all be helped. I promise. I can help with all the things. You wouldn't be bothering me or troubling me at all. I love helping you." He finished while holding my face. By this point, tears welled up in my eyes. Then the tears started coming, faster then I could blink. It was bound to happen, I'm not used to hearing those kinds of things. He noticed me crying, and wiped my tears away with his thumb. "You Aslan, are too pretty to cry." He said while smiling at me, and kissing my forehead. I want to thank him for being here for me and to say that I love him, but I don't feel like I'm going to be able to talk. When I say a lot of words, especially stuff about my past or what's going on with me, I tend to not be able to say very much after. Eiji knows that, and either way he's not the type to be mad/sad that I didn't thank him. He always tells me that there's no reason to thank him since it's what he is here for. But I always do it sooner or later. "I know that you haven't eaten today, and that's okay I understand not being able to. But, do you think if I make something you like you can try to eat it?" He said while stroking my hair. I nodded my head, feeling hungry. I also wanted to try to eat, and to make Eiji worry less. Plus I knew he was going to make Avocado Salad, which is my favorite. "Let's go downstairs, you can lay on the couch and watch tv, and i'll make your food, okay?" He said while smiling at me. I smiled back as much as I could, and nodded while slowly getting up. He got up as well, and watched me carefully, making sure I got up okay since I tend to get dizzy after standing up. I got up, I was a little dizzy but I was okay. I nodded at him, giving him the sign that I was okay.

About 30 minutes later

Still Ash's Pov

We were downstairs, I was on the couch watching tv, and Eiji was making food. I was watching stranger things, it's one of my favorite shows. "Food's ready, i'll bring it to you" Eiji called from the kitchen. I smiled, since I was hungry and wanted to try to eat. When he got to the couch, he handed me my food. I took it and mumbled a small, 'thank you'. He smiled and ruffled my hair. He had eaten before he got home, he had dinner with Ibe-san. So he didn't make himself any food. "Stranger things?" He asked while looking at the tv. I felt a little better, so I responded with my usual smart remark. "Yes, yes it is. Mr know it all." I said while teasingly sticking my tongue at him. He laughed, and then smiled when I started trying to eat. It was really good, and I felt okay so I kept trying. He was rubbing my back in circles, showing that he was there and that I was doing good. I started feeling sick halfway through, he noticed and told me to stop for a little bit. I set it down, and Eiji handed me some water. I drank a few sips, and then just stared at the tv and continued to watch stranger things. Eiji was still rubbing my back, telling me that I was doing good. I just had to distract myself from feeling like I'm going to throw up. After a few minutes it went away, so I tried to start eating again. I ate a few more bites and then just couldn't do it anymore, so i stopped and set it down. I felt to sick. Eiji noticed and said, "It's okay, you did a great job. It takes some time to get over eating disorders. But you are doing an amazing job. You almost ate all of it. That's making progress. Let's get you to be sweetheart."He said to me and i nodded, feeling like I was going to cry. I know Eiji noticed, but he didn't act on it. He grabbed my plate and put it in the sink on the way to our room. Once we got up there, we just got into bed. We were both already changed into sleep clothes. I was just wearing sweatpants and one of Eiji's hoodies. I like it because it smells like him and that comforts me, iv'e been wearing it all day. I didn't have anything to do since it was Saturday so I could lounge around all day. Once we got settled in, I finally was able to get what I wanted to say out. "Thank you so much for helping me, Eiji. It really means a lot to me, i'm just not good with responding to people caring about me. I'm so glad I have you, and thank you for being here. I really do love you a lot, I know I'm hard to deal with, and that it's a lot of work but thank you for not leaving me." I said while looking up at him. "You are not too much to put up with, I'm so glad I was able to help. I love you so much, and you deserve to have someone care about you and show you just how loved and important you truly are. I don't put up with you, it's not a job it's helping you which is something that I choose to do. I know that your scared to sleep because of the nightmares you've been having, but I also know that your tired. I'm going to be right here, I'm not leaving you. If you have a nightmare, I'll be here to help you. But hopefully you won't have any tonight. Maybe you'll have good dreams." He said while pulling me close to him. I put my head in the crook of his neck, while he rubbed my back and kissed my head. I didn't realize how tired I really was until he whispered, "I love you, get some sleep baby." I muttered out a small 'i love you too', before drifting off into a sleep without any nightmares for the first time in a while. I had good dreams that night. All thanks to Eiji. I love him so much.

I am so sorry that it took me so long to update and to finish this request! I have been super busy with school work, and i'm on hybrid schedule at my school right now which means I only go in for in person classes two days a week, so I have digital work 2 days a week. On Wendesdays we just do makeup work so it's usually my catch up day. I do have some missing work otherwise I'd update tomorrow to! But I will see if I get the chance to update. I hope you all can understand, and again I am so sorry for the wait. It took me a while to do this so now I don't have time to proofread the whole thing but I did correct the spelling errors that I was able to find. Sorry if I missed some or if this isn't good! I love you all and tysm or all of the support, I really do appreciate each and every one of you! :) <3