Devotion [L. S.]

2

Trigger warning: abuse

Harry Styles

Continuation of flashback

I'm scared, so scared, but he could not notice that. If he could even still notice stuff in this state of mind. As silent as possible, I open my door and step out of it. Immediately to my left was Gemma's door. Before stepping into her room I take one last deep breath, unsure of what was going to happen next.

My dad's head shoots up aggressively the second I burst in. My heart is pounding in my throat.

"You shouldn't have come in here, boy", my dad says with a thick, threatening voice.

Completely ignoring him I notice Gemma sitting straight up in her bed with wide eyes full of fear.

"Don't you dare touch her!", I shout at my father with all the courage left in my body.

It must not have been very convincing, because my voice was trembling. I hate it when it does that.

I guess that's my thing, every time I get in a situation like this I feel the sudden urge to cry. I hate how weak I am. I can't even stand up to my own father. I'm pretty sure that physically I could take him, but I just could not punch him the way he punches me.

That's the thing with my dad. Every Saturday he gets home from the local pub here in Holmes Chapel, plastered as hell. Then he gets aggressive and most of the time I'm the one that has to deal with it.

And I know what you might think, if my father beats us, then why doesn't my mother leave him? Well, she doesn't really know about it and Gemma and I are both too afraid of telling her.

Because when he's sober, he really is a great dad, I guess. I actually don't really know what it's supposed to feel like to have a great dad, but I guess he is.

Every Sunday he wakes up early and comes into my room, where he then apologizes and says that the night before was the last time. And I hate how even after so many years of going through this almost on a weekly basis, I still believed him.

I still believed that deep down he is the father that bought me and Gemma ice cream at the beach. For me, he bought cherry ice cream and for Gemma chocolate. I could not stand chocolate, no I hated it, still do.

I still believed that he was the father that came home from work one day and told us that he got a raise and that we would go eat pancakes to celebrate.

I hate that I still believe in him after everything he's done. He wasn't always like this. He only started hitting me and Gemma around 2 years ago. But drunk, he has been since I can remember.

"What did you say to me?", my dad asked in the same threatening tone.

"I said: Don't you dare touch my sister."

At the time I said sister, a single tear started swelling up in the corner of my right eye.

Shit, he could not notice that. As much as I tried to inhale the tear back in somehow while standing there completely frozen. I couldn't, physically I could not stop the tear from rolling down my face.

"You see that Gemma?", my dad asked, turning back to the still completely paralysed girl.

"Do you see how weak your brother is? He can't even fight the urge to go whine about his father that is being a bad bad man... Oh no."

My father didn't even realize how his words were affecting me, how they were hurting me in the deepest way possible.

It has always been one of my biggest insecurities, my weakness. Being called a crybaby at school for about 10 years doesn't help with that.

"Stop it", Gemma suddenly spoke.

And oh lord, I'm glad she did because I wouldn't have been able to speak, or how to answer a question like that. Just by the sound of her voice, you could hear how scared she was.

"Stop what? Telling your brother the truth? Is that what you want? To stop me from telling him that he's the biggest pushover on this planet?"

"I can't believe you are my son, you know that?", my dad asked.

That's the moment I broke.

Even though I wouldn't want to be called his son on moments like this, his words cut like a knife. Another tear left my eye as I just stood there, totally frozen.

After what seemed like 3 hours, my dad spoke again: "Are you just gonna fucking stand there and say nothing? You know what I'll do if you don't answer me."

No, no my bruises were just fading...

"What do you want me to answer, huh?", I manage to blurt out.

"You want me to tell you you're right? Because you know damn right you are."

That's when I lost control and just started full-on crying.

"You son of a bitch!", my dad yells before quickly heading over to me.

I immediately close my eyes in reflex, waiting for the pain, that I know would come any second now.

Even if you're prepared it still hurt like hell. I felt my father's fist hitting me harshly just beneath my cheekbone. Gemma gasped as a result of the hit. I flew back against the wall from the impact.

"Is that all you can take, wuss?"

With my eyes still pinched shut I hear him approach me again. This time I feel a hard hit right in my stomach. I gasped for air the second he punched me.

"Am I hurting you?", my dad asked with a devilish smirk on his face.

"Stop it!", Gemma yelled again.

He shot his head back in answer to the shout. Everything went silent until Gemma added a bearly audible "Please."

My father's eyes immediately lightened up a bit.

Then, just for a quick second, I saw it in his eyes again, that small, tiny bit of regret and shock. After a few more seconds of silence, my dad abruptly let go of me and stormed out of the room.

Present time

After trying to apply concealer as good as possible and staring at myself in the mirror for a couple of minutes, I wake up from my daydream. I throw the concealer back in the drawer and unlock the bathroom door.

"You okay? You have been in there for almost 20 minutes", Taylor asked with a worried look on her face.

"Yeah, yeah I am, just a little stomach ache, but I'm all better now."

I force a tiny smile and she smiles back.

"You wanna go with my car or yours?", Taylor asked, still a little bit suspicious.

Because that's the thing with being best friends and a couple for 11 years now. You know precisely when something is up. But apparently, she decides to ignore it.

Even though I trust Taylor with my life, I haven't told her anything about my father and I'm not planning on telling her ever. It's something very private and also primarily my fault.

"Yours is fine, but I'll drive", I say while opening the front door that leads to her porch.

〜

Second chapter! I hope you guys liked it and that it wasn't too dark for y'all!

Thank you for all the positive responses, even so early on in the story! Please keep on voting and commenting. Really the comments make it fun to keep on writing so thank you and stay safe!

Xox Nora