Devotion [L. S.]

10

Louis Tomlinson

And so I lay there, flat on my back on my soft bed staring at the ceiling. I'm thinking about everything that happened today. From the first conversation ever I had with Harry, to English class, where he asked me, or more specifically: told me to do the English assignment with him. To me having a relapse and Harry seeing everything. 

The weird thing is that I've tried to hide that side of me for over a year now, nobody knew, except for Zayn and my family of course. And the second the only person I really didn't want to see it, sees it, I didn't care. It felt like normal. It felt safe knowing that Harry was the one to check up on me, knowing that he was the one seeing me break down like that. I felt safe. 

I didn't bother him sending me away so abruptly, I had that too. I could have the best time, just like this morning in English class. I could be totally fine and then suddenly my mind starts doing weird stuff and I just want to be alone, I need to be alone. I couldn't count the endless times I sent Zayn away like that, before I had another relapse or breakdown. So I understood. 

I hope he's doing okay now though. Maybe I shouldn't have left that easily. Maybe he needed someone right now. But he's probably at Taylor's now anyway, so what does it matter. 

Suddenly I get woken up out of my daydream by 2 knocks on my door. 

"Come in!", I yell, expecting Lottie, Fizzie or the twins. 

To my surprise it's my mom that comes into my room. 

"Hi", I just say, expecting trouble, because my mom never comes home early.

"Hello Louis", she greets me and continues:

"Euhm I got a call today from principal Jones", she says on a serious tone, whilst sitting down on the couch next to my bed. 

Shit, I forgot they call parents whenever their kids leave school early. I was so absorbed by Harry and my relapse that I didn't think about the consequences of leaving class after the first period.

"I euhm- Zayn felt sick so I drove him home and stayed with him, to make sure everything was alright, but now he's fine", I lie. 

People always say I'm a good liar and I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not, but I can for sure take advantage of that now. 

"Oh well I hope he's doing alright now", my mom says in concern.

"Yeah he is", I answer her.

Because I felt terrible about the lying I decide to also tell her a little part of the truth. 

I couldn't tell her I had a total relapse, a bad one, because she would freak out and not let me go to school for God knows how long. No, I couldn't risk that, not with everything going so well with Harry. And I couldn't afford to repeat my year for the second time.

"I also didn't feel very well, just, it's a lot, you know, going back to school for the first time in so long. I started to think again and felt a little sick. So it was nice that I could go home with Zayn. To calm down a bit myself. And I ate a sandwich there, by the way!", I add in enthusiasm. 

"A whole sandwich and I wasn't even hungry!", I state proudly and my mom starts to laugh.

"I'm proud of you honey, that's great", she says while stroking her hand against my cheek, I love it when she does that.

"You want to go and get some ice cream? We can talk about your first day, or well, your first hour", she jokes, so I know she isn't mad.

"And you don't have to eat any ice cream if you don't want to. I'm already glad you ate that sandwich", she reassures me.