Devotion [L. S.]

17

I'm so so sorry for taking so long with this update. There have just been some family inconveniences and I just didn't really feel like writing the past week. I still hope you'll enjoy this update! And again thank you for all the support and love this story has gotten, I still can't believe it x

〜

Harry Styles

I wasn't thinking about where I was driving, all I could think about was Louis. I kinda got used to it, to be honest. I was going to Liam's house, where we were just going to hang out for a bit. We haven't done that in forever. The 3 of us used to hang out all the time. 

Today I found out that somewhere hidden underneath my skin, I have a side of myself stored that I've never seen before. That Harry is bold, fun and even kinda flirty. That was totally new for me. I'm so used to always having a girlfriend and never having to seduce or even just flirt with anyone else. 

I think it's finally starting to hit me that Taylor and I broke up. Even though I'm the reason things ended between us, I was still sad. And I know you can say that I didn't lose her by breaking up with her, at least that's what she's been telling me to ease my conscience, but I did, I lost her.

I lost one of my dearests friends. I lost one of those people you know will always be there for you, whatever harm you cause them and oh boy, are they hard to find. I lost her, but I didn't regret it. 

I don't dare to say it yet, who am I kidding? I don't even dare to think it yet, but I've found someone who made me feel loved, special and worthy. I've found the reason why I don't regret losing Taylor. I've found my reason. Louis is my reason. 

I hate how impulsive I am these days, but what I hate more is the fact that I'm completely aware of my impulsiveness. 

I don't think about what this all might mean for my future. I don't think about how I'm ever supposed to tell this to my dad. I don't think about how Louis is feeling throughout this. But what frightens me the most, is that in this moment, I don't care. I do not care about any of it. 

Louis took away my overthinking, my insecurities and my common sense. The only logical thing to do right now is run away from these problems and my thoughts. That's what I've always done, just ran away. I know I won't be able to keep up with this for the rest of my life, but for now, that's all I can do. 

Louis has learned me to live in the moment, to live now. He taught me not to think about tomorrow, or even worse yesterday. And the funny thing is that he never actually spoke those words or practically 'taught' me that. He made me realize that all by being him, just himself and by being around me. 

I've never met any person who had such an impact on me, it's terrifying, but soothing in the same way, or a different way... I don't even know what to think anymore. God this is confusing, so confusing, but most of all tiring. I might not be able to keep up with this as long as I thought I was.

That's when I arrive at Liam's home. By the black Mercedes parked at the front of the house, I can see that Niall has already arrived. I step out of my car and walk into the house, when I see Niall and Liam hanging on the couch (quite literally), I snap back into the current reality and in that way also out of my thoughts. 

"Hi guys", I greet them while dropping myself on the couch next to Niall. 

"Hello", they answer in unison. 

Then it remains quiet for about 30 seconds, it's kind of awkward. 

"You euhm- You and Louis?", Niall suddenly starts to speak. 

Liam catches up on the soon-to-be conversation and turns his head around. 

"Yes, what about us?", I decide to play innocent.