The Turquoise Cure (Eren X Reader)

Chapter 52: The Ravine Between Then and Now

    You waited below the aircraft as Connie and Jean maneuvered Sasha's body up. You averted your gaze when Mikasa opened up the hatch and looked down to see Sahsa's limp form awaiting her. You could feel the ladder swaying by your body in the breeze, the night's darkened sky making you practically invisible. Hesitating for a moment, you touched your hand to the rung of the ladder, then began pulling yourself up, Gabi's weight finally starting to catch up to you.
    You clutched onto Armin's pale and clammy hand as you were pulled into the blimp. He stared at the girl that was half-unconscious on your back, connecting the dots with the blonde boy that Jean had brought up. On your hands and knees at the opening in the aircraft, you looked up, flinging Gabi from your back. Everyone's eyes were bearing into you, Gabi, and Sasha's body splayed against the floor. You saw Floch standing stock still as the champagne bottle in his hand overflowed onto the floor, excitement celebrated too soon. Mikasa was hugging Connie as he wept into her strong shoulders, her now being shorter than him. Jean was talking to Armin, trying to fill him in, baring his teeth and swearing when he looked over to Gabi and Falco, who was trying to wake up the young girl.
    That was when your eyes were diverted to the corner of the room, a darkened segment of the room from which waves of smoke were wafting, and from where you noticed far too many familiar people. Then you saw Eren. He looked like shit. That was the nicest thing you could say. But you had no compassion in you at the moment. You walked slowly over to the corner of the room, the silence enveloping you almost tangible.
    You watched his eyes, now slightly different in color than they used to be, as they followed your movements towards him. His eyes actually reminded of your own as you stopped before him. You hadn't even planned what you were going to say before you realized you were standing in front of him, where he was currently kneeling on the ground between Yelena and Zeke, whose arms and legs were still regenerating. Fuck words. With a swift wave of anger, you launched your foot into Eren's face, gritting your teeth as you felt his nose crunching under your boots. You wished you had stopped, but you couldn't. You were kicking him as hard as you could, his face a bloody mess as you relentlessly struck him, tears pouring from your eyes as you hit him.
    Suddenly, a warm hand touched your back. "I think that's enough, (Y/N)," Hange's usually neutral voice crooned in a broken tone. You buried your face in your hands as you broke down, the tears wracking your sides. It soon became too much, and you couldn't stay silent any longer. "I ASKED YOU TO DO ONE THING!" you screamed at Eren, who was staring at you with those dead eyes as his face leaked blood at a dangerous pace. "YOU- YOU-" you blubbered. You felt strong arms bracing yours from behind, holding you back. Judging by the fact that you felt a strong torso behind your head, you assumed it was Yelena. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST FUCKING DID?" you shouted, your anger boiling in your blood. "DO YOU EVEN GIVE A FUCK?" you screamed, your voice becoming choked and screeching with sobs.
    You stopped yourself from struggling against Yelena's arms when you saw Eren begin to open his mouth. "You must really hate me right now," he breathed, his voice surprisingly even despite the beating you had given him. "That's all you have TO FUCKING SAY FOR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?" you started screaming again. The majority if the room wasn't even paying you any attention: they were antagonizing Gabi and Falco. "OF COURSE I'M MAD YOU-" but you were cut off. "I guess that's why your eyes are changing," he whispered practically so that only you could hear him.
    You stared at him for many moments, the confusion and anger pulsing through you. "What. THE FUCK. do you mean?" you asked, the tears finally having exhausted themselves. "I went back through my memories recently," Eren began, wiping his still bleeding nose nonchalantly, "and my father said that he expected that if you began to resent me, that your Founding abilities would be absorbed into me..." you stared in silence for many more seconds, before finally reaching your limit. "I can't do this right now," you said, pushing past the crowd and locking yourself in the bathroom.
    As you stood, you felt the slight rocking of the aircraft as it pushed through the wind. You could only assume that Sasha's body was still lying as unceremoniously on the cold floor as it had earlier. Just this morning she was so full of life... You slapped your face as hard as you could, the blood on your palms imprinting your cheek. "I don't even know whose blood this is," you broke down, curling onto the ground as you wept once more. "Why can't I just hate you..."
    "(Y/N)?" You recognized Mikasa's voice. You extended your arm up to unlock the door, letting her in. Thankfully, she didn't try to pull you out or get you to calm down; instead, she sat down with you on the cold bathroom floor, the water in the toilet splashing nastily as the aircraft hit a current. You heard sniffling, and turned to see Mikasa blowing her nose on her tattered red scarf. "Look at this shit," she wept, her eyes that were usually so strong now so sad. You weren't used to hearing her curse, but at this point in the day, nothing was apt to surprise you anymore. You wrapped a bloody and soaked arm around her, the Velcro of your uniforms rubbing together. "I can't believe she's... dead," Mikasa mumbled, tears slipping down her pale cheeks. "I should have heard the bullet," you whispered, the series of events crashing back over you. "What do you mean?" Mikasa asked. "Jean, Connie, and I," you began, "we were gonna get her sooner, but we thought it'd be best to keep her concealed for longer... and that's how Gabi got to finding her..."
    The two if you say in a suffocating quiet for several minutes. "It's not your fault," Mikasa breathed out, rubbing her eyes with the pale scarf. "We all know who's fault this is," she wheezed. You couldn't help but feel surprised at her once again in such a short period of time. Mikasa was never the type to blame Eren when he made mistakes, regardless of how big. Yet, here she was, seeming even more angry and betrayed by him than you were. "Yeah," you responded, "we do."
    Prying open the bathroom door ten minutes later, the two of you emerged into the room once more, Gabi and Falco tied up to one of the frames in the corner where Eren had previously been. You assumed that he had been moved so that you wouldn't outright kill him, even though you knew you'd never do that. As Mikasa joined the circle crowding around Sasha, who was still lying in the floor, but now wrapped in blankets and posed more properly. If you hadn't known, you would have thought she was sleeping: her mouth agape and her eyes lightly closed- you assumed it had been Connie who closed them. You hadn't realized that you had been staring until you felt Jean grab your shoulder. "It's not your fault," he whispered, pulling you into a weak hug. You couldn't bring yourself to speak, the words lodged too deeply in your throat to be revived. Jean began walking, dragging you with him as he resumed his position in the vigil. You knelt down on your own, your knees barely touching the blanket over Sasha's torso. Somehow, the tears were also revived as they snaked down your cheeks once more, creating trails through the dirt and dried blood that you hadn't bothered to clean. You wrapped your arms gently over Sasha's torso as though she were a fragile piece of china. You recoiled your body as you heard the uncharacteristic and unnerving lack of sound thrumming from her throat, her carotid bone dry and no longer pumping blood to her massive heart. Wiping your eyes on the backs of your filthy hands, you closed your eyes, forcing yourself to control yourself. You were jolted from your peaceful silence by the sound of the cockpit door opening.
    Levi's muscular frame emerged from the room, shimmying the door closed behind him so as not to let anyone see inside. It was no use though; Eren's shaggy head wrapped in bandages had caught your eye just before the door was closed permanently. Levi started slowly approaching the circle that was formed around Sasha's body, and to everyone's surprise, he knelt down on her other side and closed his eyes, bowing to her. "You were a good soldier," he whispered, the silence in the room uninterrupted. Connie burst into tears all over again as he could no longer breathe steadily. You wanted to comfort him so badly, but you felt too guilty to even offer him anything.
    After a while, Levi stood up, groaning from the joint pain that he so frequently mentioned as of late. "We'll be back in Paradis by morning," Levi said as he turned to face the group once more. "Try to sleep, and we'll figure out funeral reservations." You inhaled, nodding slowly. "I- I'll g-get ahold of her d-dad," Connie wheezed, his entire body weight being supported by Armin at this point, "and N-Niccolo." Levi nodded in his direction and offered him a slight how of thanks. Without another word, he retreated back to the cockpit.
    As the night wore in, several hours later, everyone was still awake. "We still didn't suffer as many losses as expected," you overheard Floch whispering to some of his friends. "Shut the fuck up," you said, not hastening to be quiet. "I didn't mean it like that, and you know it," Floch said, his eyes softening slightly when he saw your current state and the bags sagging below your eyelids. "I don't care how you meant it," you responded. "How many losses did we suffer anyway?" you asked, scraping some of the blood from behind your ear. "I think twenty-eight," Floch responded. Your heart stopped.
    "That can't be right," you said, standing to get on your feet. "What are you doing?" Armin asked, leaving Connie's exhausted body curled against Jean. "There's no way," you breathed out, anxiety cascading through you. "In- in my vision, there- there were like- I remember, there- there were-" "(Y/N), slow down," Armin pleaded, grasping onto your shoulders. Shivers rushed down your body as you struggled to find the words. "That's how many died in my vision," you whispered, "so all the things we changed, all the efforts we made..." you trailed off. "Hah," you wheezed, "they were all for fucking NOTHING." You squeezed your palms together, trying so desperately to conceal your emotions, to calm yourself down, at least in respect to Sasha, but it was killing you. "There's no way to change anything," you breathed into Armin's fluffy hair as he hugged you closer. "It's not your fault," he whispered again.
    "You know what?" you said, pulling away harshly, "everyone saying that 'it's not my fault' really FUCKING MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IT IS MY GODDAMNED FAULT!" You were physically vibrating at this point, your hands desperate to clutch onto something, to hit something, to claw at something, so you settled for gripping the back of your neck, digging your nails into the flesh there. "(Y/N)," Mikasa tried to calm you down as you hyperventilated. "I just can't do this shit anymore," you cried out. "No," Connie said, his voice stronger than it had been in the past several hours. "You don't get to give up. Not after Sasha had no choice whether she lived or died."
    The room was silent except for the sound of the motors below the floorboards working against the heavy wind outside. You inhaled deeply, relinquishing your skin from your nails. Nodding slowly, you said, "I'm sorry," then strode over to the wall which curved overhead to form the outline of the room in the aircraft. You leaned against the wall, where your knees locked you into place for the remainder of the trip through the air, the ion as quiet as it had been during Sasha's vigil. As the sun began to shine through the few viewpoints in the aircraft, you felt that the people you had spent so many years wanting to protect would never be the same.

Author's Note:
I really just make myself upset for no fucking reason like I could so easily make this a happy story but nope 😅🖐🏻
Anyways, I'm thinking of doing Yelena or like female AOT character one-shots or stories on this account if any of you are interested.
As usual, I love you guys, and I hope you stay safe and happy. ❤️ -o