The Turquoise Cure (Eren X Reader)

Chapter 46: Not My Decision

    Floch ran ahead of you as you dragged Erwin, his body much lighter than you expected from blood loss and his lack of an arm. His abdomen pulsed against your back, each weak breath of his outpouring more and more of the sticky, hot blood. You hummed under your breath as you sped up, sinking your hooks into the wall. "Please don't die, please don't die, please don't..."
    "AGH!" you screamed as you tried to heave yourself up. "Floch!" you screamed out; there was no way you could get Erwin over the wall on your own. "(Y/N)," you heard someone whispering your name. You turned, but nobody was there. "(Y/N)," the voice repeated. You looked to the right and heard Erwin's voice reach your ear, his sharp chin digging into your neck. "Is- is this what you-," he trailed off, the words not coming out right. Is this what I saw?
    "Yes," you said, sinking your hooks up a few meters and holding onto the wire with your left hand while holding and supporting Erwin with the other. Your gear had been damaged when Pieck had revealed herself, so your propellers were no longer attached to the gear.
    You helped in pain as the wife began slipping between your fingers, blood slipping down your arm as you clung to it. "Just hold on a little longer," you said, maneuvering your elbow so that it dropped the hooks. You barely shot them back out before you could plummet back down. After all that work, you'd only managed to gain a few meters in height. Staring up at the massive wall, you grimaced, the blood from your earlier tourniquet drying as fresh blood from your hand replaced it. Erwin remained quiet all the way to the top, all of his energy focused on holding on a little longer.
    Once the top of the wall was within a few meters, you felt the strain in your arms catching up with you. "One more time," you whispered to Erwin as you elbowed the hooks down and back up once. They stuttered at the top of the wall, allowing Erwin's weak body to slip from your grasp. You managed to wrap your legs around his torso, wincing as blood gushed from his open wounds. "Damn it," you muttered, pulling as hard as you could on the wire, but your strength was spent.
    If I can get him up first... "I have an idea," you whispered to Erwin, whose breaths had become so shallow that you knew he didn't have much more time. You curled your legs up, your abs ripping with the effort. You were screaming by now, the idea of falling too great to bear. His face was peering up at you, his eyes glassed over and empty looking. "If this doesn't work," you began, "I'm sorry." He blinked up at you, as if telling you it was okay.
    You began curling your legs up into the air, your body turning upside down, your arms the only tether to the wall. You gritted your teeth and groaned as you raised your legs higher and higher, gasping as your feet felt the plateau of the wall. You kicked hard, and you felt the decrease in weight as Erwin's body was coughed up onto the wall. "It's now or never," you whispered, before launching yourself through the air with the very last of your strength, choking on the dust when you landed on the wall.
    The sight was the first thing that occupied your mind. If Shiganshina could have gotten any more destroyed, it was. The walls had footholds in them from Reiner, and the remaining houses were demolished to ash with the wreckage of the boulders thrown and by Bertolt's transformation. Speaking of...
    "Where is his Titan?" You gasped as you heard a blood-curdling scream come from directly below you. Looking down, you saw the Cart Titan with Zeke now in its mouth, looking over Eren, who was holding a limbless and half-dead looking Bertolt in his arms, a blade to his throat.
    You grabbed Erwin around the waist and plunged down, realizing too late the lack of propellers you now had. You turned your body to take the blunt of the fall, shielding Erwin as you set him down on a rooftop, with drawling your blades upon landing. "Ah, she's back!" Zeke laughed, the Cart Titan taking the hint and turning on its heel, making its great escape. You extended your hooks, but they merely grazed its ankle as you tumbled forward, falling towards the edge of the rooftop. That was when you felt him for the first time in so long.
    Eren's arms wrapped around your waist, your body halfway between falling and standing, the moment frozen in time. You squeezed your eyes shut as you turned to face him, your balance regaining, the familiar pain behind your eyes forming. "(Y/N)?" he asked, making to remove his hands from your waist after remembering why he hadn't been touching you. You wrapped your hands overtop of his, burying your face into his chest as you squeezed your eyes shut harder. You wanted to cry out, to yell, but you had wanted this so much. Behind your eyelids, you saw a large floating thing in the sky that seemed to have propellers on it. It was flying almost angelically until it was flooded with soldiers flying out of it. "(Y/N)?" he asked again, his voice shaking. You refused to let him go. "I'm okay," you said, opening your eyes, pushing away the premonitions.
    He stared down into your newly colored eyes, his the same as always. Eren looked pale, likely from transforming however many times he did, and his eyes still bore the muscular patches from withdrawing from his Titan. He pulled down, kissing you deeply, electricity crackling on the tips of your lips. You smiled behind the kiss, relishing in the moment, then pulling away. "Erwin's dying," you said, at last relinquishing from his touch. Eren stared after you as you went to fetch Erwin, his breathing even shallower than before. "(Y/N)," he said, but you weren't listening. You removed the tourniquet from your own arm, feeling the numbness and pain bite back at you as you stuffed Erwin's wound with anything you could remove while keeping yourself remotely decent. "One second," you said, hating yourself for taking time to yourself and Eren instead of helping your commander.
    "(Y/N)!" he shouted, his voice strained. You turned, your eyes concerned. That was when you saw the body for the first time. You had thought that it was a pile of charcoal at first, but then it coughed. Eren looked at you expectantly as he broke down, tears engulfing his crystalline eyes. "It's Armin," he said between sobs, clutching his knees as he bent forward to breathe better.
    Then everyone arrived. Mikasa crashed onto the rooftop, cursing and slamming her blades back into their holsters as she hissed. "I'm out of gas," she shouted, her voice agitated. "And I almost had the Cart- Eren, what's wrong?" she asked, her voice changing tone immediately. Levi then crashed down next to you, his face completely covered with evaporating blood. "They got Reiner," he said, his voice close to tears as he slammed down the handles to his blades, of which not a single shard was left. Connie and Jean emerged carrying Sasha, who seemed okay, but unconscious. Hange was close after, Floch having accompanied her, likely to tell her about the commander's state, her face bereaved with grief. You all stood on the roof for just a second, realizing that you were all the last ones left. Then, you started laughing.
    You dropped to your knees, the laughter rippling through your chest, the adrenaline dissipating by the second. Your mind was blank as you verbalized every thought you could've had.
    "THIS HAS TO BE A JOKE!" you shouted, the laughter still catching in your chest. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIX THIS?" you screamed, gesturing to Erwin. It seemed that nobody had noticed him except for Hange until then, as his body looked more like a corpse than a body anyways. Everyone gasped as they swarmed him. It was then that the silence overtook, Mikasa freezing and mumbling, "that can't be Armin."
    Everyone froze, something seeming to dawn on everyone but you. Levi turned to look at Armin's brunt form, the clothing completely burned away from his flesh, his teeth the only remnant of his real body. He then gazed back to Erwin's body, lying limply on the ground. He then reached into his cloak pocket, pulling out the little black package you recalled seeing in the meeting room. "What's going on?" you asked as two sides erupted. "GIVE IT TO ARMIN!" Eren shouted, his teeth bared and his eyes wild. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING AHOUT? IT HAS TO GO TO ERWIN!" Floch yelled.
    "What... what are you all..." your voice was drowned out by the screams echoing along the rooftop. "Can you all please back up?" Hange called out, her voice hoarse and empty-sounding. She was ignored as the chaos continued, Connie crying as he cradled Sasha while Jean stood closer to Armin's body, staring at the corpse with a sense of reminiscence. "What's going on?" you asked, turning to Hange, but she ignored you as she continued to order for silence. At last, you couldn't take it anymore. "SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" The crowd silenced, realization dawning that you were the only one out of the loop. "This can save one of them," Levi whispered, his voice sounding as though it were a million miles away. All thoughts of chasing the Cart Titan were gone. All that mattered now was saving whoever you could.
    Cold searing your body as you listened to Levi explain what the injection would do. You glared over to Bertolt's slowly healing form, his arms and legs grown back to the elbows and knees. You stalked over to him and lopped them back off as he screamed out in pain, having been silent all this time. "Is this gonna work?" you asked him, grilling his collar with your bloodied hands. He nodded as you flung him back to the rooftop tiles.
    You returned to the middle of the rooftop, the two bodies both breathing so slowly and infrequently that you almost thought they were both dead. "Only one," Levi said again, turning his thumb over the plunger to the injection in his hand. Eren's tears had reformed as he cried out, "PLEASE DON'T LET ARMIN DIE!" Levi stayed silent as he stared at Erwin. He turned, making his way to head towards Erwin when a flash of black hair and a red scarf whizzed past your face. Mikasa had grabbed Levi, her blunt blades poised at his neck. Hange screamed, making towards Mikasa, but being unable to pull her off. "(Y/N)!" you heard Hange cry, "HELP ME!" You didn't. You stood, stock still, your stomach churning. "(Y/N)!" she shouted again. "Armin doesn't want it," you whispered.
    The silence enveloped all of you once again. "What?" Eren asked, his voice so different than the one you knew so well that it choked you. "I can see it," you said, looking up to the sky as the visions tumbled over you. Scenes played in your head as if you were watching a play in the cafes that wealthy people afforded. "He- he regrets it being him," you whispered. "So I chose him, huh?" Levi whispered. His hand roamed over Erwin's chest, his fingers lingering before removing them, the pain seeming to cripple him. "B-but," "But what?" Hange bit back. "Neither does Erwin," you whispered. "How can you see it if it doesn't happen?" Jean asked, his voice also dry and uncharacteristically melancholy. "I'm looking at right now," you said, making your way closer to Erwin's body. You wrapped a bloody hand around his wrist, raising his balled up wrist gently. This was the signal he gave before a retreat, signaling that he had lost hope. "You don't think that means..." Hange whispered. "She's right," Levi said, his eyes on the needle. "Why else would I have chosen Armin over him?"
    Everything else happened as though you were watching it through someone else's eyes. Watching Armin transform into a skinny, blonde-haired, mindless Titan before your eyes, Bertolt screaming in agony as he was eaten, everyone rushing forward to collect Armin's body as it reformed from the nape... You laid next to Sasha as everyone returned to the wall. You had been carried here along with Jean as your propellers were broken. You said nothing as Armin's steaming body was placed gently on the wall, his chest bare and his skin the same milky pale color it had always been, his shining hair dancing in the breeze.
    No part of your body was without pain. You laid on the wall, blood still sleeping from your wounds slowly as you stared ahead. Levi sat next to you, using his water to clean your hand and arm. You couldn't bring yourself to look at him as you but your lip. "I'm not telling you guys what I see anymore," you choked out, finally breaking down. You peered over at Eren and Mikasa as they perched near Armin's resting form, ignorant to the fact that he would be devastated when he woke up. "I don't wanna do this anymore," you whispered again, begging yourself to cry, but the tears having been so far dried that there were no more left. Levi rubbed your back as you closed your eyes, wishing not to see anything around you. The sheer thought of everything that had happened today- all of your failures, all of your blunders, everyone who had died just so that you, an insignificant pawn, could survive- it made you ill.
    However long had passed was unthought of to you as you heard a hum form among the surviving group on the walls. Armin must be up. Levi began to heave himself up to go and see him, and extended a hand, expecting you to do the same. He looked down at you expectantly with those piercing eyes as you looked away. "I can't," you whispered, and he nodded before walking away. You squeezed your eyes shut, plugging your ears as you heard Armin cry out, his worst fears coming to life. "I- I always said that if it ever came to this-," he cried out, his cries reaching through your plugged ears. "I- I told you, I told (Y/N), I told-," he began to get sick, his vomit spluttering off the top of the wall as he heaved and wretched. You dug your fingers into your open and bleeding arm, desperate to distract yourself. Hange rubbed circles on your back as Armin was comforted, his tears eating away at your body.
    "You know, it must be really shitty to have to transform, don't you think?" Armin had told you while you were healing after Annie and Eren had their legendary fight. "Yeah, it seems really stressful," you had said as you struggled to sit up. "I would never want to go through that," he had responded, expressing his sorriness for Eren. "It's just- you know- Eren makes it work, but it's just- ugh how do I say this- I guess I would rather just find my peace, you know?" You had nodded, understanding him in a way that even Eren couldn't.
    The sun was becoming less bright as the day wore on. How could everything have happened in such a short amount of time? You heard someone approaching from behind you, but you didn't have the energy to turn your head. The pain from your battles had finally caught up to you, your blood loss restricting you. You then heard the familiar jingle of the key rubbing on Eren's gear as he plopped down next to you. You didn't dare look him in the eyes. "Hey," he said, extending a hand, then recoiling it. "This is all my fault," you whispered, wanting more than anything to be away from him, to be away from anyone. "You saved Armin," he said, fiddling with the key on his neck. "Did I really?" you asked, finally looking up at him, your words harsh and full of defiance. His eyes bore the markings of the Titan, the skin taut and strained from his transformations, but his turquoise eyes the same as always.
    He didn't have an answer. Instead, he extended his hand once more, not recoiling it. It was more of an invitation that anything. Your feelings of wanting to be alone remained, but at the same time, you had missed this- you had missed him. I'll be pissed at him later.
    You ignored his hand and instead rested your head on his shoulder, immediately feeling the pain behind your eyes, less severe this time, and seeing more, feeling more. Yellow arm bands with symbols on them, who's Gabi? Ah, there's another Titan across the ocean.... So this is Paradis.. You leaned into the touch, the scenes unfolding in your mind as if there were two of you, one embracing Eren, the other bearing the weight of the future. You could explain the story that you saw before you, about the airships, and electricity, and the other world across the ocean that had been the source of all of this pain, but you wouldn't. You refused to utter another word about what you saw. Not after today. Never again. You wouldn't be responsible for dictating what could happen. You weren't god. You weren't something special. And as you laid in Eren's arms, his fingers rubbing circles on your shoulders as you closed your eyes, you decided that the future should remain untouched. At least by you.

Author's Note:
Sorry for the late update! This weekend was literally insane, but I spent a lot of effort and time on this chapter, so I really hope that the late update illustrates my extra work. I hope you all enjoy it, and I want to say once more that I love all of you!
💗 -o