The Turquoise Cure (Eren X Reader)

Chapter 41: Find Someone Else

"(Y/N)... (Y/N)!"

You woke with a start to your head pounding, eyes watering, and throat burning from the nausea that overwhelmed you. Once you were upright, you quickly toppled over to the side of the cot that you now lie on, swaying with the dizziness. "It's okay," you heard Mikasa's soft voice answer as she pushed you back down onto the sheets. "I'm sorry," you said, quietly at firsts that only you heard it. "Hm?" Mikasa asked as she sat back down in the chair near your bed. The cold chill on your skin and the otherwise total silence told you that you were down in the dungeons again. "I'm sorry," you said, louder this time, feeling for the first time all of the pain that you had suppressed. Closing your eyes, you saw everything that you had once had; you had taken all of it for granted. How did it end up like this?
    Memories of training with your friends, some now dead, others worse off, flashed through your mind. Holding hands with Eren while the two of you watched the sun rise in the morning after not sleeping dug cuts into your heart. It'll never happen again...
    "GOD DAMMIT!" you screamed, flinging yourself off the bed. With two large strides, you were at the door, the bars burning with cold between your fingers as you banged on them. The guard stared you in disgust and surprise as you began to bawl, tears streaming down your grimy face, creating tracks on your cheeks. You felt Mikasa's hands on your shoulders, trying to lure you back to bed, but it did no good. You punched into the bars with both hands, screaming out and crying with each punch. "WHY?" you shouted, hot blood seeping from your knuckles and dripping onto the floor. "WHY ME?!"
    Mikasa picked you up, your body frailer and skinnier than it had been in years. You still sobbed, hysteria sweeping in, but Mikasa never said anything. "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" you screamed, fighting against Mikasa's restraint. Everything was crashing down all around you as reality sank in. All I ever wanted was to just be normal, to work for my strength by myself... was that too much to ask?
    When the tears dried on your face and the blood stopped dripping onto the floor, Mikasa's cold hands found their way to yours. Her fingers traced over the cuts and jagged trenches dug out by the rough bars, the blood dry and dark on your skin. "Things don't always work out how you want them to," Mikasa said, her voice quiet enough that only you could hear. You said nothing, the weight of the world feeling like it was sitting on your chest. "There's no turning back time, you know?" Mikasa said again, moving her hands to rub circles around your collarbone. "The only thing there is to do is to use what you now have like it's always been there, because it has."
    Your chest still writhing, you began to calm down. I mean, she has a point, but it's really not that simple. "What's next?" you asked, taking in a deep breath of the cold, stagnant dungeon air. "The next step," Mikasa said even quieter now, "is to get you out of here so that we can start planning how we're going to take back Shiganshina." You froze as she spoke. Those were things that you had been determined to do for so long, and now, all you could think about was your measly self. How pathetic? You nodded, the last year draining itself from your eye. "Then let's get started," you said.
    Nearly a week had passed before you were free. Walking out in the open felt naturally dangerous, but the scent of fresh air and the sight of sunlight was enough to convince you. Erwin had made a plea guaranteeing your security to the Survey Corps., and after the fall of the government, his reputation was much higher than in the past. Plans had already been underway since the day that the Survey Corps. had defeated Rod Reiss's massive Titan to retake Shifanshina district. Connie and Sasha liked to fill you in on these plans while you ate or while Levi began to train you. After so long of being ill and weak, it felt good to start feeling like your old self again. There was still one thing that felt wrong, and it felt wrong in the worst possible way...
    You had yet to see Eren even once since you'd been freed. You'd asked Erwin, Levi, Armin, and practically anyone else that was close to Eren if you could see him to talk. Everybody said the same thing: "He doesn't really want to be seen right now." You understood, but every time you heard it, it broke your heart a little more. Nobody brought him in conversation to you, as if he had died. People trailed off in their sentences when they were about to say his name or mention a story that he was involved in. You tried to not let it affect you, you really did, but no matter how you looked at it, you felt hurt.
    As Armin filled you in on the details of Historia's queen ship, you finally slipped the question in. "How is he doing?" Armin's face turned impassive, the glow that had once been there extinguished. He looked down at his hands as he knotted his fingers together. "You know I can't tell you that." "Why not?" you asked, feeling stubborn. "I thought that that was more than obvious," Armin said, slowly peering his eyes up to meet yours. "I just want to know why we can't- why we can't-," "Clearly there's a link between the two of you," Armin interjected. "You've relayed everything that you remember from that dream with Grisha in it to us, and we all believe you. And I hate to be the one to say this, because I love you both so much..." his cheeks blushed, "but I don't see how the two of you can really be together anymore..."
    The silence between the two of you was palpable; it felt like it could be cut with a knife. "You're wrong," you said, picking at the closed up scabs of your knuckles. "(Y/N)," Armin said, closing his sweaty palm around your fist, "you're not dumb." You stared into his blue eyes, finally daring to see your reflection in them. It scared you; your eyes looked demonic, they didn't resemble your own, but you bit back your fear and said what you'd been thinking for days. "There has to be a way through this, I know there is." Armin took a deep breath, then said, "He says that there's someone he saw in a vision that he thinks is connected to his dad's past." "What does that have to do with-," you began. "He's going to see him tomorrow, and a few of us are coming with him, and it would be a real shame if you showed up in the lobby of headquarters at precisely 9:00 A.M. and tried to speak to Eren. You looked up at Armin quizzically, his defiantly blue eyes sparkling over yours. "It's all you," he said, before he got up to carry bales of hay into a cart.
    Lying in bed that night- a cot in Mikasa's room in headquarters- you tossed and turned. I just wish I knew what that vision was... the image of Eren's Titan smashing through the strange town flashed before your eyes. Why would he do that? You flipped over, back and forth, but sleep was not forthcoming. You skipped out of bed, your legs cold in the crisp night air. The door squeaked slightly as you priced it open, to which Mikasa groaned a bit, then turned back over.
    As expected, the building was deserted. The torches in the hallways were dim and fading out, most of the rooms you passed dark and with doors closed. You'd been going on these little midnight strolls for the past while; it helped to quiet your mind when you couldn't sleep. Your feet pattered against the cold stone floor as you walked your usual route. Your eyes strained to see in the dark, but it was difficult. Suddenly, you stopped in your tracks.
    There was a door slightly ajar with significant beams of light shooting from under it about 30 meters away. You could hear voices speaking quietly, all hushing themselves in the wordless night. Slowly, you tiptoed your way to the door. You didn't dare poke your head inside, but you pressed your ear against the cold wall to hear who was in there. "I just don't think it's a good idea," Hange's voice whispered. "By then, we'll probably have all of the kinks worked out," Levi's voice interjected. "He's been working on his transforming for these past few weeks, and I'm certain that it's more than sufficient to plug the walls," Erwin commented. "That's not the main concern though," Levi said, "it's what's inside the walls when we get there that's an issue."
    Are they talking about the mission to retrieve Shiganshina? "If I may-," Eren's voice startled you. It was deeper and hoarser than the last time you'd heard it, even if it hadn't been that long. "You have the floor," Hange said. "I just want to get to that basement..." he trailed off. "We all do," Erwin said. You could practically see his blonde brows furrowed in concentration. "Not as much as I do..." Eren muttered. "We understand," Hange said, and her voice sounded like she really meant it. "I can't imagine the toll this is taking on you two..." "I don't think it's a good time for this subject," Erwin interjected. "Right," Eren said, and you weren't sure if it was your imagination, but you felt like you could hear a strain in his voice.
    "Are we still set to see Shadis tomorrow morning?" Levi asked. Shadis??? "Yes," Erwin said promptly. "You all know where we're meeting up, so I'd suggest trying to get some sleep." "Yes, Commander," the three said in unison. You jumped with a jolt as you heard a chair sliding backward. You turned on your heel and made a mad dash back to your dorm, never looking behind you even once. As you settled back into your bed, your heart hammering in your chest. So much for a midnight walk to calm me down...
    You couldn't sleep at all. You were so anxious that you wake up too late that you pinched yourself whenever you felt sleep settling in. You waited until Mikasa quietly slipped on her uniform and slid the door behind her with a note that she would be back soon until you got out of bed. You slipped on a pair of pants and slid a dark hoodie over your head. It smelled like Eren's, but in the dark, you weren't sure.
    Skipping out the door, you heard the sound of voices not too far away. The lobby was pretty close to your dorm after all. You stuffed your hands into your pockets as you made your way into the big central room. You waited behind one of the pillars as the group spoke. "Is everyone here?" Hange asked, addressing the group. Everyone answered her. You heard Eren's voice in the mix. As Levi opened the door, you made your grand appearance. "Room for one more?" you asked. Eren turned first, and his face looked utterly shocked and horrified all at once. He recoiled, stepping back from you. "I- I don't think that's a good idea-," Hange said staring at the space between the two of you. "How did you even know-," Levi began. "Look," Eren said, and this time, he made eye contact. You felt the impact of the words before he even said them.:
    "I can't do this anymore; find someone else."
    And with that, he turned on his heel, hands covering his face, and ran out the door.
    Author's Note:
I feel like I'm screwing up the story but oh well :)