The Turquoise Cure (Eren X Reader)

Chapter 19: Castle Life

   If you could describe the look of utter betrayal on Levi's face when Zachary had demanded that you accompany Eren into his squad, it would look like this: 😰. When Hange had taken you and Eren after the trial to tend to his wounds, Levi insisted that one addition to his squad was a stretch, but a second was unthinkable. "I mean, not that she's not talented, but I don't have the time to be training a million little brats." Levi had persisted to Erwin that he would rather you be given to another squad. Erwin, however, being the militaristic rule follower that he was, was adamant to abide by Zachary's verdict. "I'm sure that (Y/N) will not need much tending to, and if she does, you can entrust that responsibility to another of your squad mates. Extra talent is always needed after all." Erwin smiled over at you as if to ensure you that you were indeed an asset, but Levi's indifferent sigh gave you a different feeling. "I thought we were pals," you smirked, leaving Eren's side and nudging him in the arm. "After all, I think that Eren will be a lot easier to deal with if I'm on hand." "What's that supposed to mean?" Eren groaned as Hange plucked at the bleeding skin of his bottom lip. "Oh, nothing," you smiled at him jokingly; "Yeah but seriously, you'll need me."

    About a week after the court verdict, you and Even were to move out of the barracks and into a Survey Corps. holding out castle for training with the horses and experimentation on Eren's abilities. The goodbyes had to be quick, as not all of the cadets were so accepting of your and Eren's early graduation, nor were they all pleased with the verdict of Erin being kept alive. Needless to say, getting away from everyone sounded like the most pleasant thing for the two of you. Annie had not wanted you to leave so soon, and Mikasa and Armin seemed even less apt to let you and Eren leave so quickly. Mikasa had made sure that she lectured you on making sure that Levi didn't lay a finger on Eren ever again; it seemed that she didn't understand that that was a small sacrifice to save him from the Military Police, but soft words have little effect on deaf ears after all. 

    As you were making your bed for the last time in your and Annie's dormitory, you remembered the conversation that you two had shared before the trial. "So, Annie," you began, "what was that thing that you didn't want to tell me about earlier in the week?" Annie, who had been relatively relaxed and sprawled across her bunk tensed up. "Look, I told you it's nothing," she hissed. "Do you really want the last time we see each other to be full of malice?" You felt confused. "Annie, I'm sure that we'll see each other again; I mean, I know that you're determined to go to the Military Police, but I'm sure we'll meet again." She jumped off her bed and meticulously scratched at the post. As you left the room, you felt that you could hear the tiniest voice, small and insecure, say, "It's best if we don't." 

    The trip to the castle was not a short venture. Nevertheless, you felt that you were gaining more bonding time with your sanctioned horse. He was jet black, and his hooves had the smallest rims of white fur just above the foot. There was also a large white spot that covered the majority of his abdomen on the right side, giving him the appearance of two different horses. He was beautiful, but you hesitated to name him. It's best not to get too attached.

        Eren had been pretty quiet on the journey, which was beginning to feel more characteristic of him these days. He just stared straight in front of him, following Levi and never straying more than a horse length behind. You wanted to talk to him, as the other members of the squad were chatting with each other. It felt unnatural, this relationship that the two of you had taken over. What you wouldn't give to go back to the trainee days, before the titan transformations, the attack on Trost, the random dreams of the graves of your comrades and jumping off of the wall... You led your horse to trot closer to his. "Hey," you said softly, trying to appeal to him. You didn't know what he needed, which was new, but you felt compelled to try to find out. "Oh, hey," he said, distantly, glancing over at you as your horses moved together, matching each other's paces. "So, what do you think of the squad mates?" Trying to coerce him into conversation was such a drag; no wonder you'd never done it before. "What are you doing?" he asked, now looking at you with his full attention. "What do you mean?" you responded, "just making small talk." He laughed, for what felt like the first time in ages. "You? You never make small talk; you just say vulgar things until I'm tempted into conversation." You couldn't help but smile. "Am I really that bad?" You giggled as you patted your horse's mane with one hand. "Of course not," he said quietly, now looking at you more purposefully. "So, what's wrong?" he asked, reaching over to stroke the hand that had been toying with your horse's mane. "Nothing's-" you began. "Don't lie," he interrupted. "Something's bothering you; I know you, (Y/N), I know when you're perplexed, and I know when something's eating at you." I'm not going to beat around the bush today; I want to know. "You've been quiet. Distant, I mean. You've never been distant with me, ever. And I don't blame you, because what's been happening lately is absolutely crazy, and you have every right to be worried, or confused, or-" Eren pulled your hand towards him so that his fingers were pulsing with your blood. "(Y/N)," he said gently, thumbing your knuckles as your horses' bodies moved closer together, shortening the distance between the two of you, "I don't know what I am. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, or if I can even do these thing that everyone's expecting me to know to do. That's too much for me to carry, so why should I expect you to to as well? Sometimes I get worried that I'll mess up, and when I do, if I do, that you'll get hurt in the process. I mean you saw what happened to Mikasa..." So that's what it is.