The Rocque From Lima

Chapter 12: Mattress

       "Where's Rachel?" Kurt asked, setting down old yearbooks on the piano.

        "She's not here yet." Finn answered.

        "Perfect. Glee Club stands on a delicate precipice. We have all felt the cold humiliation of a slushie in the face. But as of right now, our relative anonymity as a club shields us from more severe persecution... Swirlies. Patriotic wedgies." Kurt spoke.

        "What's a patriotic wedgie?" Mercedes questioned Kurt.

       "It's when they hoist you up the flagpole by your undies." Finn answered for her.

       "Strangely, it did my me feel fore American." Artie said making me and Mercedes laugh and Finn looked awkward.

       "Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook photo would only fuel the flames of anti- Glee-Club terror. I've done a little library research." Kurt opened the book to show a graffitied Glee Club. "Peter Gellar. Glee Club second tenor, 1998. He can be seen here with both a drawn on Hitler mustache and rice paddy hat. Shortly after the yearbook came out, Mr. Gellar had a nervous breakdown. He is now the homeless man who sleeps in front of the public library."

        "Patches?" Me and Quinn asked at the same time. As Kurt nodded.

       "Patches."

       "He barks at my mom." Brit said.

       "Exhibit B. Tawny Peterson. Glee Club class of 2000. Seen here in her photo with a cartoon knife stuck in her head, in a macabre tableau that, in four years, would prove eerily prescient. I think I speak for all of us when I say that not having to pose for a yearbook photo might be a blessing in disguise. I suggest not fighting Figgins' ruling." He finished as I nodded, grabbing a yearbook.

        "Oh, hey, guys. Ah. Looking at old Thunderclaps?" Mr. Schue came over to the piano.

       "It's really unsettling." Artie said.

        "And totally unfair. Hey, can I borrow one of these?" He asked, taking a yearbook from Kurt. "You know what? This year's Thunderclap is going to have a Glee Club photo with every one of your smiling faces. You have my word on it." Mr. Schue left, and the room filled with science.

       "Well, time to go plan out my painful death. See ya later." I said walking out.

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       "Hey, guys! Great news! Glee Club gets a photo in the Thunderclap." I sighed, not wanting to be defaced. "It's going to show everyone at the school that Glee Club is on its way up. When we win Regionals, those Claps are going to be collector's items." I looked at Mr. Schue with a 'are you serious' look on my face. "I mean, all of your classmates are going to be begging for your autographs." We gave him half-hearted cheers. "But I had to compromise to do it. Um, we only get a quarter page in back. Which means we have to pick two team captains to appear in the photo. So, tomorrow we're going to put it to a vote. Exiting, huh? All right."

       "Rachel?" I asked Quinn.

       "Definitely." 

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       I sat in the choir room with the rest of the New Directions. All of us looked bored, other than Rachel who was exited. Mercedes, tired of the awkward silence and spoke up.

       "Well, we're all here. I guess we should vote." Rachel quickly got up and faced us.

       "With your permission, I have prepared a few words."