EDITING
" through laughs and warfare, for three years
i loved her. i'd do anything to protect her. but
i never thought that'd become my job.
i'm a spy, but she didn't know it. what she did
know was how much pushing me away hurt...
but she did...
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I'd lost control over any and everything coherent or remotely plausible I could bring out in words. My mind was in a fog. Up until tonight, everything felt unwinded and up in the air.
"Everything" being all situations regarding Jin, the answer of which kept getting closer to my reach but never enough for me to grasp.
Tonight, the one thing I could hold was his hand and all the warmth it held with it, giving me the blaze of one thousand suns, the scorching heat of love and care coming from his heart onto his touch, and turning the pure burning fire into soft, warm raindrops in the summer light falling from the sky for me to comfortably reach out my hand to. He was there for me, and me only.
And suddenly, before I knew what I was thinking or feeling, my mouth had betrayed me in voicing what even I myself didn't expect. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Seokjin."-was what I had said. More than an apology to him, it was my cue to call on my heart and my head and finally realize...
I had the answer-I did, and part of me said that it was easier when everything was scattered in my mind as if caught on the impact of the early spring wind.
"I'm sorry"
A secret I'd hid in a locked away cabinet of my heart had now reached its time to come unlocked. It was about time for me to pull open the dusty curtain between the two halves of my heart and face the music.
I couldn't keep this up. I shouldn't keep this up. I can't hurt both of them.
In the time of the occurrence of such a crowded spectacle of pestering, newly undivided thoughts to my conscience, Jin had taken his time to prop up an elbow on the pillow his head once laid on.
