Dear diary

i do... but i cant.

" Hey, where are you?" Aliya asked over face time. 

" Uh school."

" I thought you were gonna be home before I reach!"

" I know, and I will be! I just have to return a few books and then I'm all yours!" I chuckled as Aliya flipped her camera and showed me where she was. " How are you there already!?" I laughed.

" I don't know, but you were supposed to be here"

" I know and I'm coming, gimme like 20 minutes." I said hanging up.

I stayed a little extra at school for just checking in with Spence and to see if everything was fine. I've been trying to get a hold of Spence since a week but I've not seen him anywhere. 

God knows where he is, I hope he is alright. 

He has been cancelling all the tutoring sessions of these past 2 weeks. I do not what's going on with him.

Loud thud*

" Oh no, I'm so sorry" I said sitting on the floor collecting my books and some props. " I was just lost in my thoughts I didn't see you there." I said not looking up at who that person was because I was just so embarrassed. 

" Chill, it's me." A familiar voice said bending over to help me grab my things.

" Oh uh Spence, hii" I said. " Where've been? I've been trying to get a hold of you ever since Rooney left... everything okay?"

" Yeah, everything's cool." He said picking the books as I stood up and took them from me but he wouldn't let go.

What is he doing?

" Um my books" I said pointing at them.

" Right!" He scoffed handing them to me as we continued to stare at each other and look around awkwardly.

" Uh I should---" I said pointing behind me indicating that I need to leave.

" Yeah" he said putting his hands in his pockets.

I slowly turned around and started walking.

" Brooke wait!" He said as I rapidly turned and he was already in front of me staring into my eyes as he suddenly kissed me and I kissed him back.

" Uh" I said going back a little putting my hand on my lips.

" I'm sorry, did you not?" He asked.

" I did... I uh I-- I um have to uh uh go... right yes, I have to go..." I said quickly walking away from him.

No no no, that did not just happen!

Ashley was right, something was going on! I mean even I knew something was going on. Me liking him was going on.

But this can't happen. He is with Rooney and there's nothing I can do about it. I know I set them up but I didn't exactly enjoy setting them up?

Urgh, I hate this! I mean I liked that but I didn't just do that.

I kissed a guy! Who is in a relationship! With one of my closest friends! Which I set up, which I didn't like to do but still.

Why did I kiss him back? Why didn't I just cover my lips or something?

Maybe because you didn't want to?

Uh...

Just face it. You like him.

No... no! The worst part is... I liked it.

I kissed him back, I never should've but I wanted to. This is very frustrating.

" Hey are you okay?" Aliya asked coming towards the door.

" Uhh no... did I? did I-- just walk all the way here?" I panted catching my breath.

" Yeah.. I guess" she said calming me down rubbing my back. " Well?" She gave me a look.

" I kissed him Aliya, I kissed that two person kissing weak at math arrogant at times but ironically very understanding boy." I kinda yelled going into my room making a lot of hand movements.

" First of, called it. Secondly, you kissed him?" She said really focusing on the you part.

" No I uh---" I said as she gave me 'the' look. " Do you have a thirdly?"

" No..." she scoffed.

" Oh okay... so--" I said as she did that look again.

" Now that you're talking about it... what about Ace? I thought you liked him."

" Uh---" I said as she did that look again! " Why don't you just ask away so I can answer at once?" I chuckled.

" No no I couldn't... you speak please." She said as I gave her a look this time.
" Okay fine, what about Rooney? I thought she was dating him and lastly, for real, did you like it?" She said and finally paused looking at me as if I were to speak now.

" Oh I didn't know I could talk now" I chuckled as she rolled her eyes. " Uh okay so I didn't kiss him, he kissed me and and--  I liked it and now I hate that I did it because Rooney is dating him and Ashley warned me about this and now I don't know what to do----" I sighed.

" Look all matters aside, you can't just stop what you're feeling and nothing is wrong with following your heart you taught me that." She said.

" I know but--- I don't want Rooney to get hurt."

" I know that but think about it this way, Rooney thinks Spence loves her and he clearly likes you."

" No he doesn't!" I scoffed.

" Oh Brooke! What world are you in? He kissed you!" she yelled.

" You're right, sorry. Don't worry about it. I'll figure it out." I smiled.

" Okay good... you didn't answer one of my questions though"

" Oh... yeah I kinda do still like him but I think it's more of a... uh best friend kinda love, I don't know... because that's not important right now. " I said as she nodded. " Dinner is"