Dear diary

It's nothing!

It had been a few months since Chad was gone. I haven't really talked to anyone about it except for Josh.

What am I supposed to say anyway? Everyone just keeps saying it's okay but it's really not.

I sit on my desk writing in my diary when I hear some noise.

" I don't understand!"

" This is your fault!"

" Oh? You know what?! I am going to work. I can't be around you right now."

" Don't walk away from me like that!"

This was mom and dad arguing. For the 100th time this week. Right in front of my door.

Knock on door*

" Mom, I'm just studying that's all!" I yelled and just slid all the things on my desk except my textbook.

" Chill it's me" Ava said slowly closing the door behind her. " Why are they fighting all the time? "

" I don't know " I said as looked really sad. " Come here " I sighed hugging her.

Poor Ava. She is so little and all this is so new to her and I am protecting her all the time and honestly I am tired of doing that. I just want to relax from all this pressure and that's not possible with our parents fighting all the time.

I thought things would be so different after Chad gone, I mean things did change. Just not the way I thought they would.

I am tired of them fighting all the time. When ever the both of them are home the only thing they are doing is arguing...about stupid things!

Ava and I can't  concentrate on anything with their constant bickering!

I am tired of this and the worst part was...all of this was my fault.

The rest of junior flew by with us just sitting around and I was a senior! Prom was...a bust! I didn't even wanna go but out of nowhere Aliya showed up and forced me to go.

She was so sad when she heard the news and tried coming here but couldn't, she had to wait for a month and then come she said " I am tired of missing out on your life so I am moving here!" she was so serious. I mean why wouldn't I not want my best friend to move with me? Except for the fact that her parents won't allow it.

And also because she didn't know the horrible thing I did which killed my brother. It's something I can't tell anyone! Not a single soul.

Well so, I went to prom all alone and miserable  and saw Dave dance his life away with Kamri! Them gushing over each other all the time and being that annoying couple.

We both appolgoized to each other and it's kinda cool now. He is happy with Kamri and whoever his 'other' girls are and I'm happy just not being with him. I'm over him, and I mean it.

Anyway I haven't really got the time to write everything down so I guess this is all the interesting things happened to me from the past few months.

Summer is coming so that's good. Except it's going to be different this year... It's not gonna have a whole lot of stupid comebacks, jokes and fun vacations.

I don't think we are even going anywhere it's actually good coz I won't go anyway! Not without Chad. I don't deserve to have any fun.

Talking about studies, I gave the SATs last month. I am confident about them, I studied my butt off for 'em although it was a bit difficult to do that because there were so many things going on in my mind.

The main reason I studied that much was because dad kept repeating it. All they want is for me to get a perfect score and go into Astronomy and get into NASA. That's their dream...

I have dreams of my own... The New York acting program! and then Broadway of course. It's gonna be great, especially with producers and people part of various universities coming and seeing us in this year's play but it's only going to be great if my parents let me do it.

My dad wanted to get into NASA but he couldn't, he didn't have the score or the money and he always says 'The only reason I work so hard is so when you get into the procedures of getting into NASA you can have the money unlike me. I can provide you the money but getting there is all you'

And as of my mom she kinda has no say. Not that if she would have a say she would stand up for me. She just really hates the whole concept I think but her friends say she wasn't like that at all she loved everything but something happened.

Anyway even if I do get in the acting program my parents are never gonna say yes, plus me and Aliya have always imagined ourselves going together to college together, sharing dorms and what not!

Well talking about the play, Josh tried to convince me to do it but I didn't. I just couldn't.

Despite what I said about the play Ms. Lela signed me up for an acting summer program. At least that's good. I can be away from all the drama my parents are causing. It's in the last few weeks of summer.

Knocking on door*

" What is it Ava?" I yelled. " Oh mom hey"

" Honey,  we need to talk...You know I love you so much, right? So I need you to understand that you have nothing to with this but your dad and I have decided to spend some time away from each other. I'm just going to go to grandma's place with Ava"

" What?!"

" It's not that big of a deal, we just thought it was best."

" And you're gonna take Ava too?"

" Yeah it's summer anyway and you have that space program so you'll be busy."

" Right, space program"

" Okay so I am leaving now, I'll be back before you know it." She said kissing on my head. " Love you!"

" Yeah, okay" I sighed.