Start Again

13. The Glowing Sun and Calculus 101

I woke up in the morning with a blistering headache and sore muscles. As I opened my eyes, the light from by bedroom window attacked me, causing me to curse in response and turn over to the other side of the bed.

I tried to piece together the bits of last night that I could remember. I could recall Jordyn falling in the pool, Troy jumping in with her, but most vividly, I could remember them having a steamy smooch whilst still in the water as well as me yelling and whooping in encouragement.

I could remember going back to the smoking circle with Rosalina, making sure that both her and I had a good time. The rest of the night was a bit of a blur, but I do clearly remember dropping Jordyn home still damp from the pool and sneaking back into the house with Rosalina at around three in the morning, and by sneaking I mean bumping the tables and shushing each other as we laughed.

I groaned to myself, wondering how I could let it all get out of control like that. I tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail. I checked my clock on my side table and saw that it was eleven in the morning. I rubbed my eyes, still trying to clear my clouded mind. I grabbed my phone from the table, silently thanking my past self for remembering to plug it in. I switched on the screen, and to my surprise, only one message emerged, from Jason.

J: don't forget, tutoring today. I'll meet you at the library at 1.

As I read the messages, more memories seemed to re-emerged, and I shot up in my bed. The body shot, oh God, the body shot. I don't know what I was thinking; I now understand that alcohol gives me liquid confidence, but sober regrets.

What if he figured out that I liked him after yesterday? I mean, it was just a stupid game, but he's smart. Even still, was the whole situation awkward for him? And if he finds out I like him, what will he think?

The thoughts bombarded and replayed in my brain as I got into the shower and tried to get ready. Once I got out, I quickly grabbed pain killers from the vanity on my bathroom wall, throwing two into my mouth. I had no energy whatsoever, and I couldn't even dream about leaving the house. Plus, my car was still at Jordyn's house, so I was more or less stuck anyway. As I brushed my teeth, I grabbed my phone from where I left it and quickly shot Jason a text.

V: I can't go to the library today, it's too much.

In an instant, he replied.

J: I really need help with my calculus, I can't fail. I need you.

The kept re-reading the last three words. The flutters in my stomach looped over and over like a rollercoaster, just from those three words. I bit my knuckle, trying to figure out an alternative. In the end, I gave and texted back.

V: You could always just come to my house.

Once sent, I realized that that went against everything I ever argued for. If I refused for us to do it at his house, in what world is my house the better option? Before I could reconsider the message, my phone chimed with a notification.

J: Drop the pin, I'm on my way :)

I groaned, knowing it was too late. I took deep breaths, calming myself down. It was going to be fine, there was no problem, no problem at all. No need to be nervous, it's just Jason.

But you like him.

The besides the point, plus he doesn't know that.

He does after last night.

Oh shut up inner me. He doesn't know, plus nothing is going to happen anyway, he's just coming over to study.

But you want something to happen.